THE singular most embarrassing moment of your life?

[OlympicProcrastinator]

You know, the one that pops in to your head at 3am 15 years later and you can still feel the burning shame?

I’ll start. Met a client at work and introduced myself, asked their name. It was a fairly unusual name so began making small talk about it / origins, someone I used to know with same name etc etc. Then….for some reason I just completely forgot what we were talking about and followed it up with, “So anyway, you haven’t told me your name”. Que a look of bemusement then disdain from him as he shook his head and said, “I think you’d better go away now”. It was just so awful. I shuffled off.
I saw him a few weeks later with a friend and he was pointing and laughing at me. That was 20 years ago. I Still cringe.

There was a cracking one on here a few years ago where a woman had gone to a wedding she didn’t like and was slagging it off by text to her husband. Except it wasn’t her husband. She’d accidentally text the bride!! Who promptly told her she was blocked forever.

Anyone care to share theirs?

When I worked at a hospital years ago, I had a really shitty manager. On the way in to work on the bus, someone spilt their morning mochaccino all over me. I walked in covered in coffee and she went ballistic. Stormed off and came back with some scrubs and threw them at me to get changed into. They REEKED of sweat. I said so and she told me to get changed now or go home and not come back. I was a clinical assistant with two kids to support and I needed the job. I'd only been there four weeks . By the end of the day, three colleagues and a patient had complained that I stunk of sweat. She called me into her office WITH two of the complainers to give me a dressing down about my personal hygiene in a hospital. I was so embarrassed and so angry.

@FuckingFabulous

When I worked at a hospital years ago, I had a really shitty manager. On the way in to work on the bus, someone spilt their morning mochaccino all over me. I walked in covered in coffee and she went ballistic. Stormed off and came back with some scrubs and threw them at me to get changed into. They REEKED of sweat. I said so and she told me to get changed now or go home and not come back. I was a clinical assistant with two kids to support and I needed the job. I'd only been there four weeks . By the end of the day, three colleagues and a patient had complained that I stunk of sweat. She called me into her office WITH two of the complainers to give me a dressing down about my personal hygiene in a hospital. I was so embarrassed and so angry.

That is not even funny embarrassing! I really hope you made a complaint! Some unbelievable bullies in the NHS!

@Chocaholic4672 I did complain about many nasty tactics of hers and as a result she refused to give me a reference when approached for one, which as we know basically says "don't hire this person" without actually saying it. I worked overtime without pay, went above and beyond for patients and got nothing but nastiness from her. God knows why. She was horrible

@KnickersOnTheLine

That one has had me crying with laughter. 😂

I got drunk & pissed the bed in a hotel. When I put my knickers on the next morning there was blood stains where I’d had my periods. I can only assume that everyone must’ve seen this as my legs went in the air when I fell off my stool at the bar. I really don’t care any more, I’d be quite popular these days in a reality show.

Haven’t rtft but glad i am not the only one who didn’t get how Pat looked like Poddle!

@forinborin

Got a bit carried away with daydreaming in the dentist's chair (and under heavy anesthetic too) and started licking her finger (you know, in that way that you probe the new filling / tooth gap with your tongue). I want to fall through the ground right now when remembering this.

This wins. Perfect. I love you

I was a gamesmaker at the Olympics. One of my roles was scanning the tickets of the general public. This one day I scanned the ticket of a very famous England cricketer!! Who is still part of the England cricket team! He came with his mum! I meant to ask ‘how did you get your ticket’ but flustered and nervous because of the fact I was a big fan I asked ‘did you buy your own tickets. He just looked at me like I had about five heads! Next customer in was a woman with extremely short hair. Thanking me for scanning her ticket, I said ‘you’re welcome sir’ she was not best pleased! And I was very stressed and embarrassed

WithRosesAroundTheDoor a day later, your 'not Ian' story is still making me burst out laughing. It's priceless.

When I was teaching many years ago, I was eating school lunch on the staff table. One of the tines of the fork must have been bent and my lower lip got caught - I couldn’t work out why I couldn’t get the fork out of my mouth and the pain was excruciating when I tried. The very young and handsome male teacher sitting next to me had to release my lip - with my open mouth still full of half chewed food. Shudder.

Have we found out about Pat/Poddle?

Girl at school, was quite small and quiet, walked past a large dog which decided to jump at her. It put its paws on the shoulders and knocked her flat, then proceded to hump her right in the middle of the street, with the whole school on their way home

She still gets ribbed about it over 30 years later

I took my 9 month old DS to the hospital for a post operation check up. The paediatrician was a very well spoken Asian gentleman. As we were about to leave he said 'And how are his balls?' I was surprised but mumbled something about thinking they were both descended before realising from his puzzled expression that he was enquiring about my DS's bowels.

I didn't find Pat/Poddle confusing - the woman had written 'Pat' (maybe 'Pattie') in a way that looked very clearly and plainly like 'Poddle', even though it was in fact a very unclear rendering of 'Pat'.

If I got a hamster, I would definitely call it Poddle

I never understand the point of scribbling your name in a card/letter/whatever in such a messy way that it can't be deciphered - and then it's the recipient who is embarrassed about not being able to read it, rather then the messy scribbler for not being able to write their own name clearly. Why bother in the first place?

If she had written what looked very clearly like Poddle, then AFAIC, Poddle is what she gets called!

About twenty years ago I was at work and the man sitting opposite started asking people if they could smell that smell. No one could but he was adamant there was a smell. He then said it smelled like burning and might it be the wires? No one else could smell it but he insisted and Bent down under his desk to look for the source of the smell. Of course now everyone was interested in what was going on so a small crowd had gathered. He was sort of sniffing around under there and eventually exclaimed he was definitely getting closer. It was my feet.

Another medical one (almost). I was very pregnant when I had a blazing row with my DH one evening. I stomped around the kitchen and for some reason decided to clean the bin ( not something I'd normally do at 10pm). I managed to squirt bleach in my eye. Cue a lot of water splashing at the sink followed by a trip in a taxi to A&E.
The following morning I woke to find a huge purple bruise on my belly. I panicked and rang the midwife thinking something was very wrong with my baby. It was the weekend, so calls had to go via the local ambulance service. I knew the person who answered and she tried to calm me down and told me she would pass my message on as matter of urgency and a midwife would be with me shortly. I decided to have a bath before she came and the bruise washed off.
When I rang to cancel the appointment I heard my acquaintance say, 'You know that pregnant woman with the big bruise on her belly? Well, it's just washed off,' followed by peals of laughter.

My first was asking a lad to dance at the school disco, he turned me down loudly in front of everyone. My second was pretending I was going to kick my daughter’s bottom in the middle of b&q except the floor was slippery and I lost my footing and smacked right onto my back. Was very embarrassing not to mention painful. Third not mine but a colleague. We have a client called Bobby and she was working on a proposal for him and sent both him and the other people working on his account an email titled “Booby’s proposal”.

Walking my dog late one night and saw a man come out of the village pub.. he had a white stick and was using it to get his self around safely (he was blind).. pitch black. He’s waiting to cross the road, I keep some distance as I didn’t want to alarm him but said hey do you need a hand I bet you struggle in the dark!!!!

I meant absolutely no offence and absolutely just wanted to help this drunken man. I couldn’t believe what I’d said. Luckily he saw the funny side but jeeze

Years ago, my sister was selling her house.

She had a neighbour who was a friend (and later became her second husband). If you ever spoke to him on the phone, he always said daft things and used a variety of "amusing" voices. (He was a bit of a twat.) One day, my sister got a phone call from someone talking in an exaggerated, nasal voice, a bit like Kenneth Williams in a Carry On film. Sister thought it was her neighbour and replied in the same silly voice.

As the conversation continued, she realised that it wasn't her neighbour, it was the man who was buying her house. She had to gradually change her voice from a high-pitched, nasal whine to her normal voice.

I was in the adjoining room and could tell, from what she was saying, what was happening. I was laughing so much that I nearly wet myself.

@lop124
I just went all hot again reading your comment.

I can't really think of any of mine, but I am sure there are a few, but I remember one Christmas a few years ago, we had been to my DM and DF's house and as we were leaving my DH blew my DF a kiss, I had never seen my DH go as red as he did in that moment, I had to sit there on the drive for a good 10-15 minutes as I was crying with laughter and couldn't see to drive

@SleepingWillow

About twenty years ago I was at work and the man sitting opposite started asking people if they could smell that smell. No one could but he was adamant there was a smell. He then said it smelled like burning and might it be the wires? No one else could smell it but he insisted and Bent down under his desk to look for the source of the smell. Of course now everyone was interested in what was going on so a small crowd had gathered. He was sort of sniffing around under there and eventually exclaimed he was definitely getting closer. It was my feet.

I once was at my old job which was in a very small office, only three other people and we all sat at one bank. It was a hot day so I slipped my shoes off under my desk. Few minutes later one guy starts sniffing and says “can anyone smell cheese?” I didn’t say anything and just quietly got my shoes back on…

@Fatredwitch

Years ago, my sister was selling her house.

She had a neighbour who was a friend (and later became her second husband). If you ever spoke to him on the phone, he always said daft things and used a variety of "amusing" voices. (He was a bit of a twat.) One day, my sister got a phone call from someone talking in an exaggerated, nasal voice, a bit like Kenneth Williams in a Carry On film. Sister thought it was her neighbour and replied in the same silly voice.

As the conversation continued, she realised that it wasn't her neighbour, it was the man who was buying her house. She had to gradually change her voice from a high-pitched, nasal whine to her normal voice.

I was in the adjoining room and could tell, from what she was saying, what was happening. I was laughing so much that I nearly wet myself.

The same thing happened to me! My friend B often calls in a strong accent and pretends to be selling things...well I imitate him and say outrageous things. You can guess what happened...yes..poor man called with a strong French accent and I was all "Oh...ho-hee-ho-hee ho!...Ow' nice! You just ave a few questionz to ask meee!"

This one doesn’t keep me awake at night the memory of how much I was willing to spend on shoes does . I was in Vivenne Westwood and fell for that old rope about being completely sold out everywhere and bought these mock croc platform boots on a eye watering whim. First invite I donned the boots with lovely trenchcoat and dress feeling very pleased with myself style wise tentatively stepped out to a Chinese restaurant in Battersea this was a very large restaurant on two floors and very popular with the Chinese community always a good sign. So the concierge is guiding us to the upper restaurant as downstairs was very crowded. The flooring was faux wood laminate and I completely lost my footing and managed to grab hold of a chair with diner attached to stop me landing on the floor and the eyes of the room were all on me I composed my self only to go sliding again and the entire restaurant gasped. I just couldn’t get my footing I was like Buster Keaton meets bambi on ice . I couldn’t get to the upper restaurant quick enough by holding on to someone for assistance away from the captive audience and I decided never to wear said shoes again. Two weeks later I saw a woman using her boyfriend as a walking frame at the beginning of an evening in the same shoes . They were not even as crazy platform as the catwalk Naomi Campbell ones but they had no grip on the soles just red and shiny soles and they should come with stabilisers !!! Was relieved when sold off on Ebay to a likeminded fool I mean fashion Victim .