To think if a guest brings baked treats to your house, you share them with said guest?

[NonShallot]

So this has happened twice to me recently with two different friends. I was visiting them at home for a casual 'catch up' and cup of tea, but as I hadn't seen them for a while, I brought round some sweet treats to have with the tea. On both occasions it was a packet of muffins, or cookies, the bags of freshly baked kind from a local bakery. The kind you have to eat on the day type thing.

I had several cups of tea with friend number one, but the muffins remained unopened and unoffered.

Friend number two took the cookies with enthusiasm but again didn't offer to open them. As I was leaving with my DD, I heard friend say to her children, 'Shallot has brought cookies, do you want one?' literally as I was walking out the door.

I wasn't bringing a fancy box of chocolates or biscuits as a gift for the host to personally enjoy later, it was more of a 'oh well you're providing the tea, I'll provide the snacks' type thing. If someone came to mine and brought fresh muffins/cookies I would automatically open them and offer them with a cup of tea.

What's the etiquette here? Am I in the wrong for thinking the baked goods should be shared?

Some people are odd and, for instance, will never eat food prepared by someone else or even brought into their home by someone else. Don't take food or drink. Take flowers. Let her chew on them in isolation later.

@Backhills

All I can say is no wonder we have an obesity issue. I don't want cake everytime I have a coffee with friends and neither do they. If you buy it to be polite, do they then have to eat it to be polite or does it go to waste?

I want cake every time I meet my friends for coffee and so do my they. We just factor in the cake calories. Sometimes we do a 10km hike then have tea and cake. We would meet once a week at most, that's hardly excessive. I don't have other vices, I'm teetotal etc. I would think you a poor host to not offer anything.

This thread is making me want a croissant.

Wasn't wearing my glasses when I read this thread. Genuinely thought it said about a guest bring baked beans not baked treats and was baffled for a moment why you'd share baked beans 🤦🏻‍♀️

Yeah say these are to share.

I think because you've handed them over like a gift. Open them up and place in the centre of the table if you wish to eat them.

My MIL told me about going for Christmas lunch to relatives. She took a bottle of wine for the meal. The host took it from her and put it away. They all had his home made cider with their turkey lunch, while she looked longingly at the cupboard.

Why do so many people sit there silently. I'd have said 'thanks, but I'm not a big fan of cider. Could I have a glass of wine instead'. So easy to resolve.

I would have definitely shared them.

I keep reading the title as baked beans

I would think you a poor host to not offer anything esp when the reason is because she had coffee with someone else yesterday.

I do this a lot by accident! I just forget to open them- I wouldn't normally eat a snack with my coffee so I put it down and forget. Or think 'I'll open in a bit' but then forget. I am now trying to make an effort to remember. It's not me being purposely rude.

Although I also don't expected to be offered food I brought round to someone's house to be opened - if I bring something it would just be considered a gift!

That's just rude! Yes they should bring them out to share!!

I must have plenty of front, as I would tell my friend to open the food I have brought as there my favs and I’m starving. Note to self that next time don’t hand treats over, just casually open and put on the table for sharing and grab your share.

If you'd given them to me I'd have said 'ooh, are these for now? They look delicious!' and then have got some plates out. I don't know why anyone would do differently.

I’d have opened them and offered them , but probably alongside what ever I’d got in myself for us to have with the tea.

Op, as this has happened to you twice now, with different friends, next time take your baked goodies and keep them on your person and when coffee is served whip out your delicious cookie and start munching. If the host says anything or looks shocked you can then offer her one, but only one and then take the rest home with you. That'll learn em.

Oh my goodness what weird behaviour from both your friends!! Of course they’re meant to be opened for both of you to eat while you’re there!! You shouldn’t even have to be opening them yourself or hinting. You took tea food not a block of cheese!! And on the flip side you went around for tea and both of them only offered you a cup of tea and no eats. Really rude!!

I think we all have forgotten how to socialise

It's quite subjective. I wouldn't think ill of the person you had bought the baked goods for, they probably thought they were a gift. If you are going to bring a treat round, it's always best to make it clear you plan on sharing. It's very easy to misread people's intentions. As an example, I worked in a team where a small box of chocolates was bought and the recipient shared with the whole team(despite the small size), whereas in another team, it would have been offensive to attempt to share your gift round if it was clearly intended for you and you alone.

I would definitely think they are to share with the coffee.

But surely it depends? For example if I invite guests over I have already prepared food/snacks and gone out of my way to provide a selection of things to eat (surely its weird not to do this!) So if the friend had things to offer already prepared it would be a waste to open something you had brought as well (depending on what it was obviously) If they are literally saying thanks for the treat and then handing you a drink with nothing to go with it then, yes, it's odd and quite frankly you need new friends!

I don't think there is a set rule on this. The host may have interpreted it as either a gift or a contribution to the mornings get together. I think either interpretation is reasonable.

I would have something in either homemade or shop bought of I knew you were coming over. Unless you specifically said, 'these are for us', I would think you had bought them for my family. I am probably the opposite on most people on here but think it is rude to expect the host to serve whatever you have bought just so that you can eat it especially of they already have bought treats to offer you.

I can't understand not offering at least biscuits with a cup of tea or coffee to a friend especially if it isn't an unplanned visit.

*replace of with if