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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shall I just leave DCs in their rooms all summer?

297 replies

Lalallama · 01/07/2021 15:30

It feels as though its getting more and more difficult to find things to do with the DCs now they're older (12 and 14) and I've started to dread the summer holidays. We have no holiday booked (cancelled due to Covid) and the DCs just don't seem to want to do anything. I'd be completely happy if they just hung out with their friends all summer but neither of them ever want to see friends Sad. I've suggested things we could do together (cinema, beach, Go Ape, escape room, etc) and they're not particularly enthusiastic about any of them so I don't want to spend loads of money on something they don't really want to do. They're not interested in bike rides or anything outdoorsy.

At weekend they just stay in their rooms apart from coming out for meals or helping with washing up, etc. They seem quite happy doing this, although occasionally say they're bored but can't think what they would like to do.

Do I just accept they're introverted and happy to spend the summer alone, or do I try to drag them out to get some fresh air and exercise even though nobody really wants to? I'm saying 'I' as DH and I are taking several days each off work so I'm just thinking about the days I'm with them, although much of the time the DCs will be have to be keeping themselves entertained while we're both working anyway.

It just feels so different from what their friends do or what I used to do as a child and feels a bit unhealthy.

OP posts:
Bryonyshcmyony · 02/07/2021 15:51

I haven't suggested they get a job. I've suggested they will find it hard in the future if they don't want any social contact or to leave the house. They think their mum is a gad about because she goes out once a week. That's not an attitude I'd want to encourage.

And your idea of seeing into their souls at interview is laughable @ArseInTheCoOpWindow

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 02/07/2021 15:53

Why? I find your approach laughable and outdated.

We don’t live in the 1950’s anymore

MissKeithsNeice · 02/07/2021 15:56

I loved long school holidays engrossed in book after book. I'm so glad my parents accepted me for who I am.

Likewise, they let my older brother spend days fiddling around with computers. This was long before home computers were commonplace and the idea of a teen spending days in a darkened room on tech seemed even more shocking than now. For the record, he retired at 40, with many millions under his belt after selling his tech start up.

There are many ways to support a teenagers mental health. I'd argue strongly that not being prescriptive about what they should and should not enjoy doing is a key one.

I see so many parents add value/moral judgements to children's activities. Lots of sports = good. Not just good child but good parenting. Busy, active, lots of hobbies = good etc etc.

My 12yo DC will spend hours shooting basketball, he loves climbing and will do strength work on his own in his room, has trained/played 3 times a week with his football club.

I am no more proud of him and I am of my 13yo DD, who loves nothing more than endless downtime in her room, listening to podcasts and playing online D&D with her

kindaclassy · 02/07/2021 16:03

Especially after at least 2 lockdowns, if I knew one of the kids was spending the summer at home stuck in their bedroom, I'd guess the family was going through some major drama/ illness.

Leaving alone their future (and of course all the billionaires quoted as examples), it's not healthy and normal for young kids to be locked inside!

cupsofcoffee · 02/07/2021 16:06

I haven't suggested they get a job. I've suggested they will find it hard in the future if they don't want any social contact or to leave the house.

Numerous people on here have said they were similar as children and somehow, they've managed to become fully functioning adults despite not wanting to leave the house for a few weeks 20 years ago.

They think their mum is a gad about because she goes out once a week. That's not an attitude I'd want to encourage.

You can't change their personalities, though. Not everyone wants to go out, socialise or hang out with other people and you know what? That's perfectly okay.

I really don't understand why extroverts/sociable people are so keen to force everyone to be the same as them.

Bryonyshcmyony · 02/07/2021 16:07

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Why? I find your approach laughable and outdated.

We don’t live in the 1950’s anymore

Off topic but I employ people from managers to manual workers. I've never ever seen a cv that didn't have something on it other than school qualifications! Even if it's helping mum in the hairdressers or babysitting or volunteering with local charities (totally wrong to say volunteering is middle class - lots of young adults here do it even though deprived school and poor area)
cupsofcoffee · 02/07/2021 16:09

@kindaclassy

Especially after at least 2 lockdowns, if I knew one of the kids was spending the summer at home stuck in their bedroom, I'd guess the family was going through some major drama/ illness.

Leaving alone their future (and of course all the billionaires quoted as examples), it's not healthy and normal for young kids to be locked inside!

But they're not locked inside, are they? They're making a choice. They're perfectly free to go out and meet friends if they want, so why exactly is it a problem?

Not all humans are social creatures and not everyone wants to be out and busy every week, let alone every day. I really don't understand this need by extroverts some people to force others to socialise all the time. Being happy on your own is perfectly okay.

Bryonyshcmyony · 02/07/2021 16:09

I really don't understand why extroverts/sociable people are so keen to force everyone to be the same as them

I don't think they are are they? Even the OP doesn't want her kids to do sod all all summer.

HarrisMcCoo · 02/07/2021 16:14

In this type of situation, a family meeting would be held to discuss options. No way would mine be getting to lounge around indoors. We are out early every day. I grab the badminton rackets, football and head to the MUGA/sports ground local to us.

Give options A or B for outdoor activities a minimum days per week, for example.

cupsofcoffee · 02/07/2021 16:14

@Bryonyshcmyony

I really don't understand why extroverts/sociable people are so keen to force everyone to be the same as them

I don't think they are are they? Even the OP doesn't want her kids to do sod all all summer.

It certainly reads that way, yes.

People have said on here that teenagers who prefer to be alone or to spend their free time at home (at aged 12/14/15) won't get jobs, will struggle in the workplace and all sorts more.

It's perfectly okay to want to be sociable and go out and do sports or volunteering, but why the need to pressure everyone else to do the same?

cupsofcoffee · 02/07/2021 16:16

@HarrisMcCoo

In this type of situation, a family meeting would be held to discuss options. No way would mine be getting to lounge around indoors. We are out early every day. I grab the badminton rackets, football and head to the MUGA/sports ground local to us.

Give options A or B for outdoor activities a minimum days per week, for example.

Wow. I am eternally grateful that my parents accepted me for who I am and never forced me out early to play badminton Grin
Bryonyshcmyony · 02/07/2021 16:17

I think it's totally weird that you would think it's OK to let two young teens sit in their rooms doing nothing for 6 weeks @cupsofcoffee Wouldn't you bother trying to get them interested in going outside or meeting friends at all?

HarrisMcCoo · 02/07/2021 16:19

cupsofcoffee we sometimes switch it round to tennis. Fair enough. Or chuck in a frisbee.

They were at an ice cream parlour today and all jumping on the jumping pillow thingy. DC are 14, 10, 5 and 3.

HarrisMcCoo · 02/07/2021 16:20

Even introverts like the great outdoors - the two are not mutually exclusive!!🤷

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 02/07/2021 16:22

I interview also. A fair number of teens too.

There personalities are still forming at that age. That’s why l prefer to hook into what really drives them instead of stuff about volunteering.

Not everyone is made from the same stuff. Some people think differently. Volunteering is a very safe conventional societal thing. I’m more interested in the random ones. They tend to be more individual.

It takes all sorts to build a team including.

Bryonyshcmyony · 02/07/2021 16:22

@HarrisMcCoo

Even introverts like the great outdoors - the two are not mutually exclusive!!🤷
Of course they do.
HarrisMcCoo · 02/07/2021 16:23

I have to cater to a variety of ages in my family so there's not really much choice. DC don't know any different. I suppose that's ultimately where there is a huge difference with what OP is going through.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 02/07/2021 16:23

In this type of situation, a family meeting would be held to discuss options. No way would mine be getting to lounge around indoors. We are out early every day. I grab the badminton rackets, football and head to the MUGA/sports ground local to

Ugh ugh. Hate hate sports. Hate them.

Bryonyshcmyony · 02/07/2021 16:25

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

In this type of situation, a family meeting would be held to discuss options. No way would mine be getting to lounge around indoors. We are out early every day. I grab the badminton rackets, football and head to the MUGA/sports ground local to

Ugh ugh. Hate hate sports. Hate them.

That's irrelevant. We are talking about kids. Even if you can't bring yourself as a parent to entertain organised sport your children still need an hours physical exercise a day.
HarrisMcCoo · 02/07/2021 16:27

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

In this type of situation, a family meeting would be held to discuss options. No way would mine be getting to lounge around indoors. We are out early every day. I grab the badminton rackets, football and head to the MUGA/sports ground local to

Ugh ugh. Hate hate sports. Hate them.

I am not a huge sports fan but have been sprinting with one of the older DC recently which has pushed me out of my comfort zone. I used to play badminton years ago growing up but otherwise not really into sports. I really put on a good show for the DC 😂
TheGenealogist · 02/07/2021 16:27

I have kids a similar age, and sympathise. They quite enjoy geocaching though, and that gets them outside.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 02/07/2021 16:28

Why would you force them to get up early? Sounds like the army.

Mine will come for walks, but I’m not forcing her out early. I would have hated to play badminton and football in the summer holidays.

Maggiesfarm · 02/07/2021 16:28

I hate sports too, Arsein.

When mine were that age, and my gorgeous nephew who lived with us part of the time, I let them do what they wanted to do in the holidays. It would have seemed wrong to impose my ideas of fun on such 'big' children. They are all well into adulthood now and absolutely fine, sociable, fit, etc.

The op's children will be going out, socialising, soon enough and then she'll be worrying where they are and complaining she never sees them. That too is normal.

Bryonyshcmyony · 02/07/2021 16:29

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Why would you force them to get up early? Sounds like the army.

Mine will come for walks, but I’m not forcing her out early. I would have hated to play badminton and football in the summer holidays.

But it's not about you. And of course you don't have to get up early if you hate it. At least your dc goes for walks.
Bryonyshcmyony · 02/07/2021 16:29

@Maggiesfarm

I hate sports too, Arsein.

When mine were that age, and my gorgeous nephew who lived with us part of the time, I let them do what they wanted to do in the holidays. It would have seemed wrong to impose my ideas of fun on such 'big' children. They are all well into adulthood now and absolutely fine, sociable, fit, etc.

The op's children will be going out, socialising, soon enough and then she'll be worrying where they are and complaining she never sees them. That too is normal.

I let mine do what they want as well. Luckily that involves a balance of things.