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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shall I just leave DCs in their rooms all summer?

297 replies

Lalallama · 01/07/2021 15:30

It feels as though its getting more and more difficult to find things to do with the DCs now they're older (12 and 14) and I've started to dread the summer holidays. We have no holiday booked (cancelled due to Covid) and the DCs just don't seem to want to do anything. I'd be completely happy if they just hung out with their friends all summer but neither of them ever want to see friends Sad. I've suggested things we could do together (cinema, beach, Go Ape, escape room, etc) and they're not particularly enthusiastic about any of them so I don't want to spend loads of money on something they don't really want to do. They're not interested in bike rides or anything outdoorsy.

At weekend they just stay in their rooms apart from coming out for meals or helping with washing up, etc. They seem quite happy doing this, although occasionally say they're bored but can't think what they would like to do.

Do I just accept they're introverted and happy to spend the summer alone, or do I try to drag them out to get some fresh air and exercise even though nobody really wants to? I'm saying 'I' as DH and I are taking several days each off work so I'm just thinking about the days I'm with them, although much of the time the DCs will be have to be keeping themselves entertained while we're both working anyway.

It just feels so different from what their friends do or what I used to do as a child and feels a bit unhealthy.

OP posts:
HarrisMcCoo · 02/07/2021 16:30

Agree with you Bryony children need to see us really getting active. Lead by example. Show them how it's done (without doing yourself an injury) and get outside. You don't even need to socialise with others. Go to a quiet area. Play sports, play TAG, do silly dances, star jumps etc.

cupsofcoffee · 02/07/2021 16:30

@HarrisMcCoo

Even introverts like the great outdoors - the two are not mutually exclusive!!🤷
I never said otherwise.

But they don't need to cajoled into doing things just to make other people feel better. I'm an introvert and work outside everyday - but I wouldn't appreciate being told to "get outside and do something" on my down time.

Bryonyshcmyony · 02/07/2021 16:32

But you are an adult! Making sure your dcs get some physical exercise and a bit of socialising is your job as a parent as it will keep them healthy and happier.

HarrisMcCoo · 02/07/2021 16:32

To balance it out, my older DC also meet their friends in the afternoons so are free to do what they choose. Again, one is not exclusive from the other....

BarbarianMum · 02/07/2021 16:33

I dont get this whole "introverts cant thrive unless they stay in their rooms seeing no-one" thing. I'm an introvert and it's never stopped me actually doing stuff, and seeing people as well as chilling.

cupsofcoffee · 02/07/2021 16:33

@Bryonyshcmyony

I think it's totally weird that you would think it's OK to let two young teens sit in their rooms doing nothing for 6 weeks *@cupsofcoffee* Wouldn't you bother trying to get them interested in going outside or meeting friends at all?
I wouldn't feel the need to cajole them, no. My parents let me spend my 9 week summer break doing whatever I wanted - some weeks I didn't leave the house, other weeks I was out every day.

The key point is, though, that I wasn't cajoled or forced into doing things I didn't want to do. I was more than capable of deciding how to spend my own free time without parental involvement.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 02/07/2021 16:34

Yeah, I never imposed anything. Ours are all well rounded, hardworking individuals now.

cupsofcoffee · 02/07/2021 16:34

@BarbarianMum

I dont get this whole "introverts cant thrive unless they stay in their rooms seeing no-one" thing. I'm an introvert and it's never stopped me actually doing stuff, and seeing people as well as chilling.
Nobody has said that though?

They've said that people should be allowed to choose how they spend their time, and if that involves being alone in their rooms for a bit, then let them be. It really isn't the end of the world.

Bryonyshcmyony · 02/07/2021 16:35

@BarbarianMum

I dont get this whole "introverts cant thrive unless they stay in their rooms seeing no-one" thing. I'm an introvert and it's never stopped me actually doing stuff, and seeing people as well as chilling.
I'd imagine the vast majority of posters on Mumsnet are introverts. I absolutely love time on my own sitting around reading and talking shite on Mumsnet but I still enjoy outdoor exercise and meeting up with friends.
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 02/07/2021 16:38

My parents worked in the summer when l was a teen.

They had no idea how l spent my days…..😁

Scaredycat87 · 02/07/2021 16:40

@Bryonyshcmyony

You’d describe yourself as able introvert because you enjoy time alone reading?Confused

Scaredycat87 · 02/07/2021 16:40

I think it’s a touch more nuanced than that!

EmeraldShamrock · 02/07/2021 16:41

They've said that people should be allowed to choose how they spend their time, and if that involves being alone in their rooms for a bit,
For a bit no problem, for an entire summer, no way.
It wrecks their MH.
My DD is an introverted hermit who live in her room, I don't allow it.
It messed up her head without her realising.
Fresh air every day after that she can go back to her cave. I hate it.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/07/2021 16:43

Screen addiction is the problem too.

Scaredycat87 · 02/07/2021 16:43

As parents we sometimes do stuff that our children don’t want to do or takes them out of their comfort zone

It’s good parenting

The easy way out is to just shrug and say - well, I am simply respecting what they ideally want to do

cupsofcoffee · 02/07/2021 16:47

@EmeraldShamrock

They've said that people should be allowed to choose how they spend their time, and if that involves being alone in their rooms for a bit, For a bit no problem, for an entire summer, no way. It wrecks their MH. My DD is an introverted hermit who live in her room, I don't allow it. It messed up her head without her realising. Fresh air every day after that she can go back to her cave. I hate it.
Right, but who says it'll be for the whole summer? We're in July and most schools haven't even broken up yet. It's a bit soon to be panicking.

And no, it doesn't always wreck people's MH. Some people spend time alone through choice and thrive on it. Others shut themselves away as a result of other issues - and of course that is a problem - but choosing to be alone is not an issue in and of itself.

Scaredycat87 · 02/07/2021 16:48

@cupsofcoffee

* but choosing to be alone is not an issue in and of itself.*

All day. Every day. Throughout the long summer holidays?

cupsofcoffee · 02/07/2021 16:48

@Scaredycat87

As parents we sometimes do stuff that our children don’t want to do or takes them out of their comfort zone

It’s good parenting

The easy way out is to just shrug and say - well, I am simply respecting what they ideally want to do

I don't like the implication on this thread that it's poor parenting not to force your kids into doing lots of activities and volunteering work, tbh.

Not everyone parents the same way. Not all children need to be kept busy by a constant stream of activities, either.

Scaredycat87 · 02/07/2021 16:49

I would say in that situation “choosing to be alone” is an issue in itself

EmeraldShamrock · 02/07/2021 16:50

Right, but who says it'll be for the whole summer? We're in July and most schools haven't even broken up yet. It's a bit soon to be panicking.
The OP did. It's in the thread title.
It's feckless parenting and damages social skills allowing them do as they please on a room on a screen.
Do you check the Internet history OP?

cupsofcoffee · 02/07/2021 16:51

[quote Scaredycat87]@cupsofcoffee

* but choosing to be alone is not an issue in and of itself.*

All day. Every day. Throughout the long summer holidays?[/quote]
They won't be constantly alone all day everyday though.

For starters, OP has two children so they'll have each other for company every day. And presumably they'll still eat dinner together as a family, and they have weekends to do things as a family as well if they want.

I often went all summer without seeing my friends from school - we all lived miles apart and there was no way for us to meet unless our parents drove. It was fine. Honestly, nothing bad happened to me and I didn't implode from spending time amusing myself.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/07/2021 16:52

(Not everyone parents the same way. Not all children need to be kept busy by a constant stream of activities, either.*
A daily walk isn't a constant stream of activities, refreshing the lungs, moving the joints, some vitamin D.

cupsofcoffee · 02/07/2021 16:52

@EmeraldShamrock

Right, but who says it'll be for the whole summer? We're in July and most schools haven't even broken up yet. It's a bit soon to be panicking. The OP did. It's in the thread title. It's feckless parenting and damages social skills allowing them do as they please on a room on a screen. Do you check the Internet history OP?
Well, unless OP is psychic, she can't predict the future!
cupsofcoffee · 02/07/2021 16:53

@EmeraldShamrock

(Not everyone parents the same way. Not all children need to be kept busy by a constant stream of activities, either.* A daily walk isn't a constant stream of activities, refreshing the lungs, moving the joints, some vitamin D.
There are threads on here from grown adults who are utterly sick of "daily walks" thanks to lockdown. Why would teens be any different?
Branleuse · 02/07/2021 16:54

I think its nice to have a break where theyre not forced to leave the house every day, but I bet after a week or so theyll want to emerge from their pit and you might get some days out with them.
Do you drive or live near a train station. We did day trips to the beach quite a few times last summer, a few different beaches that we are within 40 minutes or so from, and they sometimes whinged at first, but had a good few hours once there. Sometimes just for swimming, other times one with a pier and amusements. Chips on the way home.

Other days we just went for a stroll in town and went for a burger or breakfast somewhere.

Im hoping this year they will go see their friends too.
Mine do love being in their rooms, but i wouldnt let them do it the whole holiday as it isnt healthy - Even introverts need fresh air and low key activities