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Original poster

Shall I just leave DCs in their rooms all summer?

297 replies

Lalallama · 01/07/2021 15:30

It feels as though its getting more and more difficult to find things to do with the DCs now they're older (12 and 14) and I've started to dread the summer holidays. We have no holiday booked (cancelled due to Covid) and the DCs just don't seem to want to do anything. I'd be completely happy if they just hung out with their friends all summer but neither of them ever want to see friends Sad. I've suggested things we could do together (cinema, beach, Go Ape, escape room, etc) and they're not particularly enthusiastic about any of them so I don't want to spend loads of money on something they don't really want to do. They're not interested in bike rides or anything outdoorsy.

At weekend they just stay in their rooms apart from coming out for meals or helping with washing up, etc. They seem quite happy doing this, although occasionally say they're bored but can't think what they would like to do.

Do I just accept they're introverted and happy to spend the summer alone, or do I try to drag them out to get some fresh air and exercise even though nobody really wants to? I'm saying 'I' as DH and I are taking several days each off work so I'm just thinking about the days I'm with them, although much of the time the DCs will be have to be keeping themselves entertained while we're both working anyway.

It just feels so different from what their friends do or what I used to do as a child and feels a bit unhealthy.

OP posts:
dworky · 01/07/2021 16:38

@kindaclassy

But they're so shy - there is no way I could get either of them to do any of those activities.

they go to school don't they. Holiday camps work exactly the same.
It's not as a punishment, it's for them!

You have no understanding of shyness.
Meme69 · 01/07/2021 16:40

Your children sound like mine. It's so difficult to get them out of their rooms. Even with only 2 hours of screen time a day they will stay in their rooms.... Definitely not reading and drawing, just dossing. Planned activities are a nightmare as they argue and moan about it until I resent it.

I take heart in the fact that DS1 suddenly changed around 15 and DS2 is doing the same now at nearly 15. In my experience, it's a stage that they grow out of.

All my DC are very sociable, but teenagers nowadays seem to socialise online rather than hang around the rec getting pissed like I did. I say, get them out their rooms once or twice a week and then leave them to it.

I should add mine all did holiday clubs etc all the time until around 11. It's a stage.

kindaclassy · 01/07/2021 16:43

dworky
How is encouraging a shy child to lock themselves in their bedroom all summer helping him in any way?

No one is saying they should be forced to join a football camp they would hate, we are talking about not doing "nothing" all summer.

SirenSays · 01/07/2021 16:43

I don't think I'd have the heart to stop a child reading or drawing to go and do something they don't enjoy.

Orangesandlemons77 · 01/07/2021 16:54

The bonus at 12 and 14 is that you could leave them home alone and go out for a swim or whatever, you don't have to stay in with them all the time...

Orangesandlemons77 · 01/07/2021 16:55

I think they need down time, actually in the holidays and may be growing out of 'activities' it does change

Nataliefrances123 · 01/07/2021 16:57

What about helping more around the house, helping with dinner or re decorating their rooms or something to keep them busy

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/07/2021 17:00

My dd 14 is like this. She socialises via gaming with her mates online. She sounds very happy doing it. Shrieks of laughter.

She just would not go to any sort of camp ever. We go for a walk every evening, so if she wants to spend her life indoors that’s up to her

‘Spending warm summer days indoors’ is what teens do.

DontAskIDontKnow · 01/07/2021 17:03

Mine are younger than this, so I haven’t had experience of trying to get teens out of the house, but I really would do everything you can to get them out every day.

I’ve been listening to the Huberman Lab podcast and there is some good research evidence that not getting proper daylight outside is detrimental to your health in so many ways. He recommends 2 hours outside as a way to prevent myopia, which is increasingly common.

I was a lonely teenager that spent a lot of time in my room. It led to depression and insomnia. Please don’t give up on them. It’s possibly more important than you realise that they get some interaction with other people, and with nature.

JustMeAndWheatley · 01/07/2021 17:06

My two are 13 and 15 and do the same, with the occasional dog walk or trip out for cake.

Sexlife · 01/07/2021 17:09

I have this predicament with my 12 year old too, although I hoping she will go out with her friends more this summer. She will hace to come out when I take DS out if no one here to keep an eye on her.

Comedycook · 01/07/2021 17:09

Op...I'm in EXACTLY the same situation with my ds. He's 13...he pretty much refuses to go anywhere with me, despite my suggestions of bowling, cinema, climbing etc. He is very popular at school but doesn't seem to hang out with anyone during the school holidays. I cannot bear watching him stare at a screen all day. Absolutely dreading the holidays. Wish they were little again and happy to go to the park!

Stonelovelace · 01/07/2021 17:11

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Lalallama · 01/07/2021 17:16

Thanks for all your advice and suggestions, it has helped get a bit of a plan together in my head. They're never going to want to go to holiday clubs so I'm not going to even suggest it - I'd have hated going to a club where I didn't know anyone when I was a child too. But I am going to keep trying to encourage them to see friends (try and arrange to meet up with a friend or you will have to clean the oven Grin), and we're going to suggest a range of activities and they have to pick one a week (whether they want to or not!). And then try to get them out of the house each day even if its something small like going to the shop for something.

They do chat/game with friends online - they're both in their rooms at the minute and I can hear them both talking and laughing separately (assuming they're not talking to themselves!) but don't seem to want to do it in person.

OP posts:
kindaclassy · 01/07/2021 17:20

nothing wrong with kids wanting to be lazy and stuck at home, but not letting them waste their summer is what parents do.

I wouldn't allow much game time anyway, but especially after months of lockdown they need to get out of the house.

Children and teens (and adults too frankly) need physical activities and outdoor time for their physical and mental health.

elliejjtiny · 01/07/2021 17:27

I have dc that age and I find the best way for them is to book the activities that I know they will like and then tell them they are going. They have SN though so we have to be quick as places get booked up really quickly for activities for children with SN I find.

THisbackwithavengeance · 01/07/2021 17:32

I was an introvert kid and it wouldve been my idea of hell to attend a summer camp style sporting activity with a load of strange kids. I wouldn't make them do that if they really don't want to. It's their holiday!

But nothing wrong with a family excursion to the beach/local NT site/walk.

I would compromise- they need to pick an outing for 3 days per week; the remaining 4 days they can loll in their rooms.

Scaredycat87 · 01/07/2021 17:34

Totally alien to me to have allowed this situation to even develop!

No, we are a family. Yes time to ourselves In our bedrooms. But time as a family too.

And lots of outdoor time.

I have booked paddle boarding course for my lot and they’re genuinely excited about that

Scaredycat87 · 01/07/2021 17:36

* I would compromise- they need to pick an outing for 3 days per week; the remaining 4 days they can loll in their rooms.*

Every single day without exception needs to involve being outside at some point.

Even if it’s to pop to town to get me some milk!

Snoken · 01/07/2021 17:37

My kids are a few years older than yours now but I do remember struggling with motivating them to do just about anything. Mine aren’t particularly outdoorsy or play team sports (does yoga and gym instead), but we live not too far from Manchester/Liverpool and a couple of hours on a train to London, they both loved doing day trips to either place. Either to just go and do a bit of shopping (records for DS and clothes for DD), or a museum or sometimes we’d just go for a walk around and have lunch or dinner out. It’s perhaps not something you can do every day, but at least once a week or so. Mine were a lot less enthusiastic about visiting a NT property, or hiking etc.

Comedycook · 01/07/2021 17:38

@Scaredycat87

Totally alien to me to have allowed this situation to even develop!

No, we are a family. Yes time to ourselves In our bedrooms. But time as a family too.

And lots of outdoor time.

I have booked paddle boarding course for my lot and they’re genuinely excited about that

How old are your DC?

I think it's quite normal that teens go through a phase of wanting to disengage from family life for a bit

FunMcCool · 01/07/2021 17:40

I’d organise say two family activities a week, and leave them to it the rest of the time as long as they weren’t in devices.

Scaredycat87 · 01/07/2021 17:41

Mine are 10 13 and15

I allow them loads of chilling out time

But never an entire day wallowing

Oh the 15 year old May not be keen but if I want him to get some fresh air, then I ask him to go to Sainsbury’s (often when I don’t actually need anything but he always comes back having either bumped in to a friend in town or bought himself something or just in a better frame of mind)

Original poster
Lalallama · 01/07/2021 17:43

I personally have to go outside every day and feel rubbish if I don't. But DH and the DC don't seem to get that. They are all real homebodies and rarely see friends. They think I'm always out if I see a friend once a week for a coffee!

It's definitely got worse over lockdown. I think them getting to the teenage years combined with it not being possible to do anything at all for the best part of a year (we're in a city with the longest lockdown!), has made it difficult for them to work out what they do actually want to do, and they've got into a rut of lounging about at home.

OP posts:
cupsofcoffee · 01/07/2021 17:43

I spent my summers home alone at that age.

Yes, some days I spent all day in my room sleeping, playing Sims and reading, but even for a massive introvert like me, that did get boring after a while and I then did other things too.

I went out with friends (or had them over to my house), went to the local lido, hung around at McDonald's (or Starbucks as I got older), went to the chip shop and sat in the park etc.

Holiday camps would have been my idea of hell (I had to go as a younger child and hated every minute of it) and refused to go once I hit twelve, lol. Luckily my parents didn't force the issue and I was able to do my own thing.

Camps and holiday clubs are great for some children but for others, they are organised hell - at 12 and 14, they don't need to be in any form of childcare so I would just leave them to it. Maybe arrange outdoorsy days out at the weekends - at that age I still loved the zoo and went biking with my dad in the local woods (bribed with the promise of cake after!).

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