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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shall I just leave DCs in their rooms all summer?

297 replies

Lalallama · 01/07/2021 15:30

It feels as though its getting more and more difficult to find things to do with the DCs now they're older (12 and 14) and I've started to dread the summer holidays. We have no holiday booked (cancelled due to Covid) and the DCs just don't seem to want to do anything. I'd be completely happy if they just hung out with their friends all summer but neither of them ever want to see friends Sad. I've suggested things we could do together (cinema, beach, Go Ape, escape room, etc) and they're not particularly enthusiastic about any of them so I don't want to spend loads of money on something they don't really want to do. They're not interested in bike rides or anything outdoorsy.

At weekend they just stay in their rooms apart from coming out for meals or helping with washing up, etc. They seem quite happy doing this, although occasionally say they're bored but can't think what they would like to do.

Do I just accept they're introverted and happy to spend the summer alone, or do I try to drag them out to get some fresh air and exercise even though nobody really wants to? I'm saying 'I' as DH and I are taking several days each off work so I'm just thinking about the days I'm with them, although much of the time the DCs will be have to be keeping themselves entertained while we're both working anyway.

It just feels so different from what their friends do or what I used to do as a child and feels a bit unhealthy.

OP posts:
FakeColinCaterpillar · 02/07/2021 19:06

I think the idea of volunteering is a funny one. I worked in the arts section of local government and we didn’t take under 16s. Too many safeguarding issues and frankly they were a pain.
I think our local festival only takes over 16s to volunteer.

I actually would have loved to volunteer as a teenager but I didn’t have the idea you could and no transport anyway. I was shy and would have needed a lot of support though.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 02/07/2021 19:09

Stop being mean to cupsofcoffee. For all you know she might love to be a parent or have fertility problems.

cupsofcoffee · 02/07/2021 19:54

@TakemedowntoPotatoCity

Stop being mean to cupsofcoffee. For all you know she might love to be a parent or have fertility problems.
Thank you :)

You don't need to be a parent to post here or give your opinion, but as usual, non-parents get bullied off because obviously only parents are allowed to give their opinion on anything lol.

I'm out.

HarrisMcCoo · 02/07/2021 20:00

cupsofcoffee is allowed to join in the discussion like anyone else. I often ask my brother's opinion on stuff but he doesn't have children 🤷

Bryonyshcmyony · 02/07/2021 20:52

yes of course @cupsofcoffee can have an opinion. But she really laid into some posters and that just looks silly now that she's not even a parent.

missymayhemsmum · 02/07/2021 20:58

Mark up a calendar with the days you are working, and which parent is around, and get them to make a plan. Provide a list of trips/activities you fancy (beachtrip, mountains, museum) and allow them to choose which but not whether, iyswim, and whether they want to invite a friend. If I asked DD what she wants to do she will do nothing. Tell her we're going camping and she can choose the site and pack the van, and we'll have a good time together.

Offer organised activities like sports camp, and limit wifi. (Schedule in jobs like mowing grass, cleaning windows, washing the car, housework, redecorating, shopping for school. I haven't met a teen who can't think of something they would rather do than clean the bathroom - suddenly a bike ride with friends seems like their greatest desire. Schedule hanging out in their rooms watching tv and sleeping in till noon for the days you have to work or its bucketing down.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/07/2021 21:06

You don't need to be a parent to post here or give your opinion, but as usual, non-parents get bullied off because obviously only parents are allowed to give their opinion on anything lol.
That is not true and you know it, there are plenty of threads on various subjects, it's fine to have an opinion on threads with DC however coffee was very insistent on which way was the right way.
I wasn't mean btw.
As an example I can't drive it's like me giving driving advice laying it down on how it should be done.

kindaclassy · 02/07/2021 21:08

Of course everyone can have an opinion.

But when it's not backed up by any experience or fact, it's merely that, an opinion. It's pretty pointless though.

HarrisMcCoo · 03/07/2021 06:03

missy has the right idea 👍

Scaredycat87 · 03/07/2021 06:29

I don’t drink coffee and have never even tried it.

I would never give my opinion on the best coffee and way to make it.

Scaredycat87 · 03/07/2021 06:30

I think @cupsofcoffee very black and white view indicates that if you did have teens…. Fine if they agreed with you. Less so if they didn’t.

Weebleweeble · 03/07/2021 07:59

My DCs are grown up now but what I would say now is exercise/ sport. Swimming lessons, tennis lessons, squash lessons, running, football .... if they can play something reasonably it can be such a great way to make friends when you're older. I was quite athletic but never got good at anything - whereas, despite me DCs all played sport - so much easier to get to know people at uni.

TheOrigRights · 03/07/2021 08:41

@missymayhemsmum

Mark up a calendar with the days you are working, and which parent is around, and get them to make a plan. Provide a list of trips/activities you fancy (beachtrip, mountains, museum) and allow them to choose which but not whether, iyswim, and whether they want to invite a friend. If I asked DD what she wants to do she will do nothing. Tell her we're going camping and she can choose the site and pack the van, and we'll have a good time together. Offer organised activities like sports camp, and limit wifi. (Schedule in jobs like mowing grass, cleaning windows, washing the car, housework, redecorating, shopping for school. I haven't met a teen who can't think of something they would rather do than clean the bathroom - suddenly a bike ride with friends seems like their greatest desire. Schedule hanging out in their rooms watching tv and sleeping in till noon for the days you have to work or its bucketing down.
I like this. It's based on the principals outlined in "How to talk so kids will listen" - give them a choice - you "are" doing this, but they can choose when.

I"m ashamed to admit that I've been to easy on DS2 regarding housework and this summer is the time to rectify this.

Oneborneverydecade · 03/07/2021 14:51

@HarrisMcCoo

I have to cater to a variety of ages in my family so there's not really much choice. DC don't know any different. I suppose that's ultimately where there is a huge difference with what OP is going through.
Mine are 3, 9 and 14. The 14yo almost always stays at home because that's what he prefers to do. He's doing a couple of sports camps during the summer, will hopefully go to the gym and meet up with friends but he would almost certainly not choose to spend the day doing activities more suited to the 3yo
HopeForTheBestExpectTheWorst · 08/07/2021 08:36

Can we stop using expressions like "locked in their bedrooms" and "stuck in their rooms" please?
This implies that it's a forced situation when for many it's quite obviously not.

Maggiesfarm · 08/07/2021 10:39

I hope the op hasn't gone.

At 12 and 14 her children can make up their own minds what to do with their holidays. They will probably go out with friends sometimes. Doing things together with mum, unless it's clothes shopping (for them), with her, including lunch out, will not appeal.

If a family holiday is planned (difficult to predict because of Covid), that will take up about a fortnight and they will undoubtedly be active during that.

Good luck, op, and don't worry too much. Many of us have 'been there' :-) with our children - maybe our parents worried about us in the same way. I hope you have some enjoyment too.

FakeColinCaterpillar · 08/07/2021 15:53

One of the issues I’m having with DD is we’ve always had very active holidays visiting lots of places locally. Honestly she’s bored of them. Unless we travel much further it’s hard to find something new or age appropriate.

HarrisMcCoo · 08/07/2021 22:00

DS (14) goes out with friends in the afternoons. Most of his friends don't surface until the afternoons anyway 🤷

Maggiesfarm · 09/07/2021 01:42

That sounds pretty normal, Harris.

sfeirical · 09/07/2021 02:22

I'm introverted, and loved spending time alone in my room reading, writing, drawing etc., during the school holidays. Especially as I got into my teenage years. Just leave them to it, it won't cause any long-lasting damage, but forcing them to do activities they don't want to do will just cause them to become annoyed with you and create an atmosphere all summer. Let them have a break. It's been a shit year all in all.

PerveenMistry · 09/07/2021 02:44

Have them earn the $$ to pay the WiFi bill all summer, doing chores and yard work. Change password daily.

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