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Original poster

Shall I just leave DCs in their rooms all summer?

297 replies

Lalallama · 01/07/2021 15:30

It feels as though its getting more and more difficult to find things to do with the DCs now they're older (12 and 14) and I've started to dread the summer holidays. We have no holiday booked (cancelled due to Covid) and the DCs just don't seem to want to do anything. I'd be completely happy if they just hung out with their friends all summer but neither of them ever want to see friends Sad. I've suggested things we could do together (cinema, beach, Go Ape, escape room, etc) and they're not particularly enthusiastic about any of them so I don't want to spend loads of money on something they don't really want to do. They're not interested in bike rides or anything outdoorsy.

At weekend they just stay in their rooms apart from coming out for meals or helping with washing up, etc. They seem quite happy doing this, although occasionally say they're bored but can't think what they would like to do.

Do I just accept they're introverted and happy to spend the summer alone, or do I try to drag them out to get some fresh air and exercise even though nobody really wants to? I'm saying 'I' as DH and I are taking several days each off work so I'm just thinking about the days I'm with them, although much of the time the DCs will be have to be keeping themselves entertained while we're both working anyway.

It just feels so different from what their friends do or what I used to do as a child and feels a bit unhealthy.

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 01/07/2021 17:44

I'm really surprised they arent wanting to see friends,,especially the 14 year old. At that age I spent the whole summer holiday riding my bike across town to meet my friends at the shops or in parks. I loved reading too but wouldnt have spent all summer in my room.

notaladyinred · 01/07/2021 17:44

@kindaclassy

nope

I wouldn't let them in their bedrooms all weekend either!

Sports camp of their choice (or mine if they really cannot make their mind up), week away with cousins or friends, meet up with friends, days on the beach or pool, camping here and there.

Mine are not allowed screens in their bedroom, and even during the holidays game times is severely limited.

Ultimately, it's for their own good, trying new things, making new friends or keeping existing ones. It's not a life to spend 6 weeks locked up in a bedroom.

This sounds awful. Things that are "ultimately for their own good" really aren't if they end up hating you for it.

OP, let them do what they like. Don't be a bully like some are encouraging.

Youdiditanyway · 01/07/2021 17:44

Mine are younger (8, 10 and 11) but would gladly sit in their bedrooms on games most of the time if I let them. I don’t let them though because they’re never in a great mood if they have too much screen time which ultimately means more hassle for me.

The things they’re saying no to like the cinema and beach, I’d honestly make them go places like that rather than giving them a choice. It’s for their own good really.

Scaredycat87 · 01/07/2021 17:51

Do they not enjoy any sport OP?

Scaredycat87 · 01/07/2021 17:51

What are they doing In their rooms all day?

zafferana · 01/07/2021 17:52

I dunno OP - when I was a DC my DPs didn't drag me out of my room in the holidays. I would read for HOURS in the holidays, listen to music, watch TV, isn't that what the holidays are for? All these activities and camps that kids are expected to do nowadays just strikes me as wrong. What's wrong with having to make your own entertainment, being bored, just relaxing and enjoying the endless hours of the summer holidays without all the expectations of school. Your DC read and draw? I'd give my eye-teeth to have DC that read and draw! Mine just want to game from morning 'til night, unless we go away. So we're going away!

Weebleweeble · 01/07/2021 17:58

Gosh, so this is them flor life because they're shy- so as adults they'll find a job which gives them enough to live on then scuttle to their bedrooms the rest of the time???

kindaclassy · 01/07/2021 18:00

notaladyinred

it sounds awful not to let kids to spend even more time indoors doing nothing or playing games than they already have during the lockdown?

That's just lazy parenting. It might make your life easier to let them indoors and not bother, but it's not good.

And no, it doesn't make kids "hate you" when you push them to actually enjoy themselves.

Just like preschoolers who throw a tantrum because they refuse to go out.. then throw an even worst tantrum because they don't want to leave Grin

Encouraging children to have the physical activity they need, and develop some interests is what parents do.

You can read AND doing other things too. People were complaining enough about the impact of the lockdown on kids and teens, and the lack of social life and activities.

SpnBaby1967 · 01/07/2021 18:01

My 12 yo daughter would disown me if I sent her to a holiday club Grin she's too cool for that now.

kindaclassy · 01/07/2021 18:02

All these activities and camps that kids are expected to do nowadays just strikes me as wrong.

even my grand-parents didn't spend the summer holidays locked in their bedroom! They might have had more opportunities to just be outside than kids have today, but it surely wasn't normal for many kids to do ...nothing.

kindaclassy · 01/07/2021 18:03

@SpnBaby1967

My 12 yo daughter would disown me if I sent her to a holiday club Grin she's too cool for that now.
depends on the club doesn't it? There are some sailing club, horse riding clubs, surf clubs - depending on your area.

I know plenty of teens who beg for their parents to pay for expensive summer activities.

cupsofcoffee · 01/07/2021 18:04

@kindaclassy

All these activities and camps that kids are expected to do nowadays just strikes me as wrong.

even my grand-parents didn't spend the summer holidays locked in their bedroom! They might have had more opportunities to just be outside than kids have today, but it surely wasn't normal for many kids to do ...nothing.

I suspect your grandparents were just booted out of the house after breakfast and told not to come back until tea, though. Nobody would dream of doing that now!
LaLaLand888 · 01/07/2021 18:05

Growing up my parents booked me on to camps and classes well into my late teenage years. No way was I allowed to mope around! Summer holidays are a perfect opportunity to do language classes, top up maths or whatever skill they want to get ahead with.

Snowdrop30 · 01/07/2021 18:05

We have a rule that the first week of hols can be a flop week - stay in bed or read or play video games or nap or watch telly or do whatever you like until no longer exhausted. Then activities sprinkled with down time.

cupsofcoffee · 01/07/2021 18:07

@LaLaLand888

Growing up my parents booked me on to camps and classes well into my late teenage years. No way was I allowed to mope around! Summer holidays are a perfect opportunity to do language classes, top up maths or whatever skill they want to get ahead with.
Summer holidays are for relaxing, not a whole load of education and self-improvement.

Kids have the rest of their lives to be busy everyday - why can't parents just let their children be?!

Soundofshuna · 01/07/2021 18:08

Mine are the same age, I was planning on leaving them to it but we are having building work done so they will need to be out of the house as won’t be able to make lunch etc
We have 1 week away with me & them, 1 week sailing, 1 week cricket camp, 1 week art club and 2 weeks family holiday. They then have a week of some school hockey pre term.
Youngest is thrilled to have stuff to do but eldest is miserable as wanted to spend the holiday on the sofa watching Netflix...( DH & I working or would be lying in bed watching Netflix!)
Don’t know what the answer is!

Umbra · 01/07/2021 18:17

Let them be.

Extroverts trying to bully introverts, as usual.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/07/2021 18:19

Umbra yeah. Or sporty people trying to bully their unsporty kids.

Original poster
Lalallama · 01/07/2021 18:25

@umbra your post just made me burst into tears (in a good way!). I've been reading this feeling like an increasingly bad parent and you've hit the nail on the head. I'd love to be the kind of family who go on bike rides together or have loads of friends round every weekend, but my kids are never going to be like that.

To be clear, we've never let them wallow in their room for a whole summer but the last few weekends I've thought sod it, I have stuff I want to do. I can either drag them along and none of us enjoy it or I can let them do what they want, and the weekends have been nice. But I know I can't do this all summer so I just need to try and encourage some activities.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 01/07/2021 18:34

It is fairly standard for teens to spend huge chunks of their holidays in their rooms. If you want to encourage them to come out it has to be to do things they might like, not what you think is good for them. When mine were that age they hated board games but quite enjoyed the odd poker night or a game of darts.

They also mainly hated anything they had enjoyed as a 'kid' like baking, arts and craft and the like but were not totally adverse to more grown up versions of it. One of them spray painted a mural on the shed, and also spray painted an old washing machine to use as a planter.

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 01/07/2021 18:35

Can you send them to the shop/supermarket at least with a shopping-list? That's a purposeful chore which will at least get them out of the house.

PenelopeP1tstop · 01/07/2021 18:36

My youngest is 14 and would spend all day and night in his games room playing on his Xbox - he always plays with mates though and this makes it harder to turf him off it

I have already told him that we will be going out the house twice a week - for lunch, shopping, an activity etc and he's not to moan about this (he will moan)

I'd also like him to come outside into the garden once a day , even just for a few minutes

So it's not much really but this is a very difficult age and you don't want to be dragging round a surly teen as that ruins it for everyone. For me, it's a balancing act and ensuring he knows beforehand what's going to happen

waltzingparrot · 01/07/2021 18:39

Have you got an open air pool near you? It's a different atmosphere at an open air pool and my two weren't keen to go but had a good time together when they got there.

Wimpund21 · 01/07/2021 18:39

I suspect your grandparents were just booted out of the house after breakfast and told not to come back until tea, though. Nobody would dream of doing that now!

I do ✋

Not quite all day...but when the weather's nice and I'm working (in holidays, from home) and the dc are either mooching doing nothing or bickering, I give them a fiver or a sandwich and kick them out for several hours. They go grudgingly but always seem to enjoy when they're actually out!

kindaclassy · 01/07/2021 18:48

Summer holidays are for relaxing, not a whole load of education and self-improvement.

Kids have the rest of their lives to be busy everyday - why can't parents just let their children be?!

because kids are not designed to slob around doing nothing for weeks on end. It's completely unnatural and unhealthy.

The job of a parent is to help them find what interest them and encourage to have a life. It's not just about extroverts and sports - but it's plain wrong to have kids who wouldn't at least swim, cycle, or kick a ball, play tennis, or whatever but do SOMETHING!

There are 7 days in a week, more than enough time to relax AND have a bit of fun too.

It's very hard this year, because many opportunities are still shut.

Teens are busy during the school year and can't do everything on top of the school year. What a waste not to make the most of the holidays.

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