Long story short I hope. I asked my DH for a separation in May asked him to give me time to think and I needed space. He disagrees with this and wouldn’t leave.
I work away from home. DH looks after DC while I am away at work. I come home for a couple of weeks at a time. Over the last year DH gambled I found out and had to take control. There is no trust in our relationship due to this, house is always a mess I would spend my time at home gutting out rooms. He doesn’t tell me some things like council tax wasn’t paid, although he did sort it. I still apparently don’t know about it. This causes me a lot of stress, he did get a job all fine no idea what he spends his money on says he’s not gambling and so far I have seen no evidence of this. However when I was home in May and saw he had not done a thing like leave a big double wardrobe in the living room for5 weeks, house was upside down, asked him to clear out the bike shed so DC £200 bike can be stored in there and not in my living room. I saw red. I just can’t do this anymore so asked for a separation.
After I asked for separation he refused to go and give me time, instead he literally followed me everywhere I went including to a friends garden for coffee. Roll forward a bit and he started going through my phone when I was asleep I caught him at it and he denied it, and my old phone that DC now uses. He came across messages from months ago and accused me of cheating. Yes they were flirty and what not but nothing happened from those messages and nothing since. Yes I know I was wrong and shouldn’t have. He accused me of cheating, I assured him I haven’t. Just yesterday he said he believed me that I haven’t cheated. DH went to see his doctor as he has been struggling with depression and anxiety. I had his mother on the phone telling me I should be at home with DC as he is in a bad way. DH said I must give up work for the sake of the DC. He says I don’t care about him or DC.
My work called me yesterday to say my DH had been on the phone saying I was cheating with my clients son!!! I was mortified! Why would he do that? I don’t understand it. All while this is going on he is acting nice as pie messaging me constantly so I asked him if he has told anyone about these messages and he said no. I told him my work has called me in for a meeting and he says to me just tell them your having issues at home!!! I gave him the opportunity to tell me what he has done and he didn’t take it.
I’m at a loss. A week ago I said I would call off the separation I was thinking if his mental health and thought ok I’ll give it 6 months. This has not been an easy decision for me and it would mean I would be the part time parent and that is breaking me😢 but I cannot live this life I’m not sure how I am going to broach this when I am next home he doesn’t know that I know he contacted my work with these allegations!
I don’t understand what is going on with him, why one minute through messages he’s acting like there is nothing wrong, nothing happening in our lives, surely this is not normal behaviour?