To think people go way OTT with buying newborns presents?

[Peaplant20]

I’m pretty sure I’m going to be in the minority here but wondered if I’m not totally alone in this opinion? Had a beautiful newborn baby this year and have been completely overwhelmed with presents, many of which have been sent from people we barely know (friends of parents and grandparents). The thought is absolutely lovely and so sweet, but I find it totally overwhelming. However I feel like I’m so ungrateful! I really would rather people saved their money and just sent a card if we don’t know them, rather than ending up with a wardrobe fit to burst and each outfit is going to be barely worn it feels so wasteful and I really really hate waste. Two things have made it feel more overwhelming to me - 1. Baby came very early so we weren’t prepared ourselves and so when we got home I ended up spending literally 2 weeks sorting presents and washing clothes (and I’d already bought enough basic clothes so we probably didn’t need any at all), 2. I never had a baby shower because of COVID. I know baby showers are controversial on here but now knowing what I would do I would 100% have a baby shower in future because having not had one we have still received the same amount of gifts, but if I’d had a baby shower I’d have been able to sort/wash/put away gifts well before baby arrived rather than trying to do it when settling in after baby was born and feeling totally overwhelmed by it. I know some people might say I could have waited a while to do that but honestly we received an unbelievable amount of stuff so it couldn’t have just sat in the nursery or something as we wouldn’t have been able to get in there! I sort of wish people would ask if there was anything we needed rather than just send gifts as like I said we have ended up with so much stuff it feels really wasteful (and bad for the environment) and I’d rather people didn’t spend their money when we have so much stuff already! Am I just a horrible ungrateful person? Finding it hard to appreciate each new gift now (they’re still coming one month on), when I’ve nowhere to put these things and I’ve never even heard of some of the people who’ve sent them let alone met them. Oh and also lots of friends who’d had babies recently sent us clothes etc so we really didn’t need anything new at all. Anything that’s come recently I’ve just put all in one big bag as I can’t face looking at any more gifts (I’m horrible aren’t I??). I’m tempted to return them and use the money to buy things suitable for when baby is a bit older or give them away to someone who really needs them. I’ll stop rambling now!

congratulations op
can you ask someone to sort it out for you?
sounds over whelming

Yeah to be honest this sounds like a bit of a non issue

What's the problem? Take them out of the packaging and stick a wash on 🤷‍♀️

If you haven't ready taken the tags off you coud exchange some for larger sizes so they get worn.

I do know what you mean OP, i felt the same with my first, i had a lot to deal with and was very anxious and it was just all too much. Our flat suddenly felt very small and more and more kept arriving to fill it!

Its funny because i just had my second baby and we're reusing pretty much everything, and getting out everything we received as gifts back then makes me feel so happy and smile so much. But at the time, it was all just yet more stuff completely out of my control.

You're overthinking it. Give it to charity, a refuge, hospital if you don't like waste. You sound a bit precious. This happened to me too, I was touched that people cared actually. I knew I wasn't the first person on the planet to birth a baby and at the end of the day a new life is happy news.

We got a lot of newborn/first size stuff which would never have all been worn. I took some back to the shops and exchanged for a bigger size. That way it wasn’t just wasted.

I understand you. Yes it’s ‘ just’ put a wash on, or sort through, to cut labels off etc… but when you have a premature newborn with barely 10 mins free time, you want to use that time to do something else.

The amount we received was also slightly ridiculous. Mainly as with a May born newborn living in country with hot summers, age 0-3 snowsuits are just pointless. And require either taking up space, or time to take to charity or find someone else later in the year who wants it. When it’s x multiple random unusable items you just think why? Just send a card or call or message.

Ds just had his first birthday recently. Gifts of size 5-6 year old clothes ‘ to grow into’!

Same thing happened to a DSS and DIL. About five bin bags full of baby clothes turned up at the tiny two bedroom house they'd only just moved into. I think the loft hatch was quickly discovered.

I bought them a case of Kopparberg

Yanbu OP
Best present for a baby is a nice ready meal for the parents and £20 for the babys bank account.

I think present buying in general has got a bit ridiculous.

@Peaplant20 I do understand what you mean about it being wasteful. We quite a bit too which was so generous of people and we honestly didn’t expect it! We had bought everything we needed and told family please no gifts because we had everything (I hate the thought of people spending money on us) but yet this pile of gifts appeared from distant family/friends of family/people we don’t know 😬
While I was so incredible grateful for everything, probably 70% of what we received wasn’t size appropriate and was expensive brands from small baby boutiques that I was unable to return as I had no idea where it had been bought and didn’t know people well enough to ask for the receipt 😓 Baby was born in November and we ended up with 4 snowsuits in 6-9 month size which is the size he’s been wearing through early summer. And outfits that were completely impractical...chinos/shirt/tie set for newborn, loads of jumpers/babygrows/tops in newborn and 0-3 with large buttons all down the back or baby had to be wrestled into etc.
Also lots of hand knitted items which I feel awful about as I’m just not a fan of it 😓 I have 2 whole drawers of jumpers/cardis/booties & hats in a vast assortment of pastel colours. Some so small that it didn’t fit him when he was born right up to some which is probably age 4-5!

I remember feeling a bit like you do when trying to sort gifts our for my daughter....the pile in the nursery that took a while to do.

Firstly make a note of who has sent what - because at some point you need to thank them - print a thank you card with a picture of the baby to send. Or- if you are keeping the clothes then a photo of child wearing the item.

The sort out the clothes into piles from different shops - asda, next etc - those you can return and exchange for bigger sizes do....return any that won't be worn because the size and season don't work. Any mutipacks of vests or baby grows definitely change for bigger sizes or return. Get your OH to do this. (If he only gets credit notes then so be it - you can use themater on).

Toys - stick in the loft for now. Unless duplicates which you can return.

Any equipment you don't need maybe give to charity.

The other you do want to keep put somewhere and wash a couple of bits at a time. I always kept a box of - to be worn when bigger clothes.

Congratulations on the baby.
(You sound very lucky like there are lots of people very happy for this baby. Cherish them. - nb. It won't be in issue with subsequent babies. The first gets the most.

@bluebeach

I think present buying in general has got a bit ridiculous.

I agree. There's a whole other thread about a poster going over her agreed budget (couple in debt to both sets of parents) to buy friends' birthday presents.

It's such a wasteful, damaging, planet-fucking, relationship-messing consumerist merry-go-round. Not that I've got strong views or anything.

@waitingforwinter there are lots of people who love hand knitted. I gave quite a bit away via fb to people who didn't have kind relatives knitting for them and they were very grateful. (I kept 1 or 2 special bits but it wasn't my preferred clothing style...and once my kids were toddlers they usually expressed a preference!)

Make a note of who sent what as it comes in.

Go to FreePrints or similar and print x copies of the same cute photo of your little one. When you have a sec (this may be at a rate of one a day / week / your dh does it / anything) you write “Dear Mary, thank you so much for the lovely [item], so appreciated and we hope you can meet baby soon xx”

Put the stuff somewhere, under the bed if need be, until you have the headspace to tackle it. When you do either
Use
In pile to exchange at store
In pile to sell
In pile to give away.

If you want to give stuff away, leaving it outside your building with “Free to take” on it will suffice.

We have a 'baby bank' near me, which is reopening this week I think.

I understand OP, I got so much stuff with DC1 and a lot of it was never used. I ended up giving a lot of stuff to charity and selling some things on Ebay.
I really appreciated the fact that people were so happy for me. It was lovely to see that even people I hardly ever saw (my grandmother's friends for example!) went to the trouble of knitting blankets or buying things.
It gets better though - I've just had DC3 and got just 4 presents!

there is no issue with changing for a larger size/more appropriate item

[quote Mumdiva99]@waitingforwinter there are lots of people who love hand knitted. I gave quite a bit away via fb to people who didn't have kind relatives knitting for them and they were very grateful. (I kept 1 or 2 special bits but it wasn't my preferred clothing style...and once my kids were toddlers they usually expressed a preference!)[/quote]
@Mumdiva99 Yeah I’ve done the same with quite a bit of it 😊 I know it’s a style that some people love but it’s really not for me. Some is really teeny tiny so I’ve kept that and will hand into the maternity unit when they’re allowed to accept it again. There are a pile of much bigger jumpers etc that I’ve hung onto incase DS decides wasn’t to wear them when he’s a toddler. He’s very vocal over his likes and dislikes at 8m so I dare say he’ll have an opinion on style as a toddler 😅

I get it. When DD was about 6 months old I had a a big sort out of the bag I just stashed in the spare room. So many unused things with tags still on.
This may be controversial...I sold it on eBay and used the money to get her bigger season appropriate clothes.

Eh, I just made a list and sent thank you cards. Then got a more mobile friend to take everything back to the shops in exchange for credit. Barely had to spend a thing to keep DD kitted out for 18 months.

I agree people do buy lots of useless crap – slippers for 0-3m?! – but exchanged, that gift became a pack of 9-12m body suits when I needed them.

I totally get it. My tip for baby gift buying is to do what some of our friends did and get some things in age 12-18 months or larger. I know tiny baby outfits are cute but we got so, so much more wear out of, say, an M&S joggers and sweatshirt set when he had started walking.

Or just not clothes. It's been lovely keeping little soft toys and books we were given but we're only having one baby so all the clothes were gone by 6mo.

I got so many clothes that were just not my style. I gave them away. Also, as nice as it is of people t knit things, I hate knitted clothes, the feel horrible on my skin so no chmace they are going in my baby.

On

i dont think it is too controversial @Chiwi, it sounds sensible