To think people go way OTT with buying newborns presents?

[Peaplant20]

I’m pretty sure I’m going to be in the minority here but wondered if I’m not totally alone in this opinion? Had a beautiful newborn baby this year and have been completely overwhelmed with presents, many of which have been sent from people we barely know (friends of parents and grandparents). The thought is absolutely lovely and so sweet, but I find it totally overwhelming. However I feel like I’m so ungrateful! I really would rather people saved their money and just sent a card if we don’t know them, rather than ending up with a wardrobe fit to burst and each outfit is going to be barely worn it feels so wasteful and I really really hate waste. Two things have made it feel more overwhelming to me - 1. Baby came very early so we weren’t prepared ourselves and so when we got home I ended up spending literally 2 weeks sorting presents and washing clothes (and I’d already bought enough basic clothes so we probably didn’t need any at all), 2. I never had a baby shower because of COVID. I know baby showers are controversial on here but now knowing what I would do I would 100% have a baby shower in future because having not had one we have still received the same amount of gifts, but if I’d had a baby shower I’d have been able to sort/wash/put away gifts well before baby arrived rather than trying to do it when settling in after baby was born and feeling totally overwhelmed by it. I know some people might say I could have waited a while to do that but honestly we received an unbelievable amount of stuff so it couldn’t have just sat in the nursery or something as we wouldn’t have been able to get in there! I sort of wish people would ask if there was anything we needed rather than just send gifts as like I said we have ended up with so much stuff it feels really wasteful (and bad for the environment) and I’d rather people didn’t spend their money when we have so much stuff already! Am I just a horrible ungrateful person? Finding it hard to appreciate each new gift now (they’re still coming one month on), when I’ve nowhere to put these things and I’ve never even heard of some of the people who’ve sent them let alone met them. Oh and also lots of friends who’d had babies recently sent us clothes etc so we really didn’t need anything new at all. Anything that’s come recently I’ve just put all in one big bag as I can’t face looking at any more gifts (I’m horrible aren’t I??). I’m tempted to return them and use the money to buy things suitable for when baby is a bit older or give them away to someone who really needs them. I’ll stop rambling now!

Our problem was that we live in a different country. So not only did most people spend a small fortune in postage ( prob more than item value!), we couldn’t return any of the wrong season/ size/ not going to wear.

Even our local charity shop laughed when I rocked up with unworn newborn size wellington boots

I never buy gifts for newborns, always a gift for the parents.

I’m tempted to return them and use the money to buy things suitable for when baby is a bit older or give them away to someone who really needs them.
Yes, fine to do this. I exchanged some things for the same in the next size up, some things like socks and booties for clothes I would actually use (baby in sleep suits for six months).

I don't think this is an especially common problem - i wasn't bought gifts by anyone i didn't really know, and I don't know of any friends who had this issue either. Got a few bits of course, but nothing I wasn't grateful for.

If i didn't want anything I'd have just donated or kept it and had baby wear around the house - I'm a firm believer that a newborn can't have too many clothes as they're always pooing/puking! Mine both got changed a million times a day as a newborn so always grateful for extra clothes.

l also personally don't think it's THAT hard to wash and put away some baby clothes to be honest? Even if you do get several as a gift? I'd definitely rather have a day putting away my lovely new baby cloth w that I'd received as generous gifts than host a baby shower for myself and appear a bit naff and grabby!

Firstly make a note of who has sent what - because at some point you need to thank them - print a thank you card with a picture of the baby to send. Or- if you are keeping the clothes then a photo of child wearing the item

OP is feeling a bit overwhelmed so don’t think we need to add more tasks to her to do list. Its a nice idea but I know very few people who have done thank you cards and wouldn’t think them rude at all.

I completely get it op I had this when I had dd she was the first girl in the family in years and believe me we were drowning under pink frills!
With ds my df gifted me everything theres 10months between our ds & I made a huge point of telling everyone EVERYONE I didn't need anything as df had been such an amazing help and we had enough to last the year. When anyone asked I said wipes nappies or baby bath as I know I would need a lot through the year

The amount we received was also slightly ridiculous. Mainly as with a May born newborn living in country with hot summers, age 0-3 snowsuits are just pointless.

That is so stupid. There will be someone that comes along to say 'it's the thought that counts', but it really doesn't as that kind of thinking is actually just not giving a shit to use your brain for longer than two seconds to be helpful. Baby will be too big by winter to use it, so the parents now have to find time while dealing with a newborn to either sell it on ebay, take it to a shop to get a bigger one or take it to a charity shop. It just causes the person who received the gift hassle and made the gift completely pointless. The thought doesn't count when it was a stupid thought, like that man on a post here recently who bought his partner a gift of tickets to see HIS favourite comedian (a gift for him in other words).

If you cant be bothered thinking it through, put money in a card. Safer for everyone.

You're not ungrateful as you raise fair points but you should appreciate you're in a very privileged position compared to a lot of new mums in this country and put that at the forefront of your mind. Many would be over the moon to be in the position of receiving too many presents, me included

@TheMotherlode I didn't say she needs to do the thank you cards now.....but yes at some point it is good manners to thank people.

Thank you texts surely

It's normal, lots of mum's work friends sent clothes, old family friends etc. I knows when dp's dbs dp had a baby all of their dms friends sent gifts, blankets, hand knits etc. The trick is to let it be known you want nothing under 3-6 months, we got stuff including 6-12 months!

I wrote down what people had bought me and sorted them out in sizes. I did exchange a lot for bigger sizes and for the first 6 months to a year I've rarely bought clothes/vests or baby grows! It has been a god send. I think because your in the thick of it at the moment. I remember being so overwhelmed by everyone's kindness that I saw when feeding looking at all the cards and felt surrounded by love and that people had taken the time to think of us. I'm not a fan of baby showers etc and I like to give presents when babies are born.

I agree, in retrospect having a baby shower and a gift list make so much sense. The bits I actually need get brought. Gift giver isn't wandering the shops with no idea what to buy - probably a coat in size 6m ready for summer.

I think you'll just have to get on with washing stuff, or take it back and exchange them for bigger sizes or something else.

I always find it so hard to know what to get new parents, especially those with a child already.

You sound very ungrateful tbh. You'll no doubt be on here whining in future when nobody buys your little cherub something for their birthday. Let people do what they want at the time.

People get excited about a new baby and like to buy gifts. I don't see the big deal personally.

Try and enjoy it because trust me it won't happen if you have baby number 2! Like pp have said maybe take some back and exchange for larger sizes so that you can put it away for later. Just a warning the same will happen at Christmas and your dc 1st birthday. Just try to take it in the spirit with which it was intended.

Yanbu OP. I don't get it either. SIL ended up with 60 babygrows, all gifts, in age 3-6 months. I've bought less for my baby than other people, and I've ended up with clothes that aren't our style at all. Maybe that makes me ungrateful but I'm not a charity. And perhaps I am fortunate that I can afford to clothe my child myself. That said, buying things for my child makes other people happy. I'm not washing anything other people have bought until I know I'm going to use it, and if I don't use it I'm going to sell or donate. I do feel guilty, because it seems such a waste. But no child needs this many clothes.

Some harsh replies on here!

I hear you, OP. We had a ridiculous amount of stuff for our firstborn and I hated it. I stuck it all into a bin bag and just rooted through it to find things when we needed them. When my baby grew out of it all, I took it to a charity shop.
Get your husband to keep a list of who sent things, and send a thank you card in a few weeks (you can get cards printed with a photo of your baby on).

By the way, this still happens - we still get loads of stuff for our toddler 😩

I completely get this. I'm not generally an anxious or in any way fastidious person but I got very overwhelmed by the amount of stuff we were given for our first and I still get that way about birthdays and christmases. I hate our space being crammed with stuff we don't need or even necessarily use and the environmental impact of this totally unnecessary consumption upsets me. I think for me part of it is that I'm trying to live a bit more sustainably but gifts are an area I have no control over.

I would now have no hesitation about taking things back and exchanging but it's still a pain in the arse that you don't need with a new baby to care for. Definitely get your OH to take charge of the stuff pile and thank yous.

Find your local babybank. They will be so grateful for donations of clothes/toys etc as they’re supporting families who have nothing.

@Mumdiva99 you can thank people when they give you the gift, or send a text. Thank you cards are lovely but really not necessary to do when you’re already struggling.

I didn’t mind the gifts so much, I hadn’t bought much so needed quite a bit.

The thing that pissed me off was that no one seemed put any thought into it. It was just endless pink shit, most completely inappropriate for a newborn- tights, nike shoes, skirts, dresses, cardigans, all in sugary pink with the “so cute I couldn’t resist” disclaimer.

Fortunately it was mostly mothercare/next etc so my trips out for the first few weeks was to exchange for more useful stuff.

I used to buy older seasonally appropriate baby clothes, so a baby born in March I'd buy 9-12 months winter clothes.
Then I discovered food deliveries and having received the effusive thanks for them that's what I'll be doing in future!

I know what you mean but people mean well, so just say thank you and then pass on those items that you don’t like/too many of to a baby bank, charity shop or store if you think you may intend to have more children.

I received a £20 Boots gift card and that was so useful - I could buy anything for the baby or myself. Perhaps gifts like these would be more helpful for new parents.

I also received a large block of Dairy Milk, flowers and two thick women’s magazines from a friend and have to say it was one of my most appreciated gifts as most people only think of the baby.

Pass the excess onto others or exchange for bigger sizes if the clothes came with a gift receipt (which I always include).

So many outfits come with hats and booties - it was ridiculous, they hardly got worn!