To think people go way OTT with buying newborns presents?

[Peaplant20]

I’m pretty sure I’m going to be in the minority here but wondered if I’m not totally alone in this opinion? Had a beautiful newborn baby this year and have been completely overwhelmed with presents, many of which have been sent from people we barely know (friends of parents and grandparents). The thought is absolutely lovely and so sweet, but I find it totally overwhelming. However I feel like I’m so ungrateful! I really would rather people saved their money and just sent a card if we don’t know them, rather than ending up with a wardrobe fit to burst and each outfit is going to be barely worn it feels so wasteful and I really really hate waste. Two things have made it feel more overwhelming to me - 1. Baby came very early so we weren’t prepared ourselves and so when we got home I ended up spending literally 2 weeks sorting presents and washing clothes (and I’d already bought enough basic clothes so we probably didn’t need any at all), 2. I never had a baby shower because of COVID. I know baby showers are controversial on here but now knowing what I would do I would 100% have a baby shower in future because having not had one we have still received the same amount of gifts, but if I’d had a baby shower I’d have been able to sort/wash/put away gifts well before baby arrived rather than trying to do it when settling in after baby was born and feeling totally overwhelmed by it. I know some people might say I could have waited a while to do that but honestly we received an unbelievable amount of stuff so it couldn’t have just sat in the nursery or something as we wouldn’t have been able to get in there! I sort of wish people would ask if there was anything we needed rather than just send gifts as like I said we have ended up with so much stuff it feels really wasteful (and bad for the environment) and I’d rather people didn’t spend their money when we have so much stuff already! Am I just a horrible ungrateful person? Finding it hard to appreciate each new gift now (they’re still coming one month on), when I’ve nowhere to put these things and I’ve never even heard of some of the people who’ve sent them let alone met them. Oh and also lots of friends who’d had babies recently sent us clothes etc so we really didn’t need anything new at all. Anything that’s come recently I’ve just put all in one big bag as I can’t face looking at any more gifts (I’m horrible aren’t I??). I’m tempted to return them and use the money to buy things suitable for when baby is a bit older or give them away to someone who really needs them. I’ll stop rambling now!

MIL bought my nephew a baby gift, when he arrived, and for Christmas too.

A baby she met once, at my wedding.

There must be dozens of babies she has that degree of relationship with. Dozens.

I just don't get it! Mind you, I'm the aunt who sticks money in his bank account. He'll thank me later!

@Quirrelsotherface

You're overthinking it. Give it to charity, a refuge, hospital if you don't like waste. You sound a bit precious. This happened to me too, I was touched that people cared actually. I knew I wasn't the first person on the planet to birth a baby and at the end of the day a new life is happy news.

Do this Gifts are yours to do as you wish

Yanbu OP - when DS was born I was astounded by the cards and gifts I got from friends of MIL I had never met. It was lovely but I kept having to ask MIL who all these people were. She was mortified as she thought they only wanted to send a card and they'd sent money too in a lot of cases and she hadn't done the same for their grandkids. Think she's still taking some out for coffee as a "thank you".

I know how you feel. We got so much stuff from parents friends. I also got loads of hand me downs. A lot of the new stuff went straight to charity- I felt very ungrateful but a lot of it was very pretty yet impractical for a newborn baby or just not to our taste.
MIL still gives us something everytime she comes over. It's a bloody nightmare, whether it's toys or frilly dresses. Filled an entire bag for life now! Again, I feel very bad for just donating it straight away but it's never going to get looked at. And there isn't a polite way of saying can you buy vests instead gypsy christening style clothes!!!

why’s there always one mumsnetter who says you need to go to the GP? You said it’s not normal to be upset but I haven’t said I feel upset I said I feel overwhelmed and quite clearly from the responses the way I feel is normal. I won’t be going to the GP thank you

It’s not normal behaviour to shove gifts into a bin bag and feel so distressed and overwhelmed at the idea of opening them that you post on MN. It’s clear from your posts and behaviour the volume of gifts has upset you. Newborns can be overwhelming (mine was!) PND is very common, so monitoring your mood and behaviour after having a baby and talking to professionals is wise and nothing to be ashamed of. I had PND and felt like I couldn’t cope with everyday tasks initially. Unwrapping gifts and thanking people is a simple task.

Your mention of a baby shower and gift cards comes across as you wanted to choose the gifts yourself. So they’re not really gifts as the giver doesn’t get the pleasure of choosing something. Often experienced mums will give something that turns out to be invaluable (mine was a starfish wrap, yes it seemed odd at first!)

A shower is generally just for a first baby, doesn’t involve a gift list and presents are token things or practical items. You’re hosting a party to celebrate pregnancy not asking for donations of money and specific items.

A neighbour I didn’t even know knitted lots of pink outfits for DD, complete with hats and bootees. She’d put so much love and kindness into those clothes, and I dressed DD in them a lot that winter as it reminded me how even strangers care. Gifts are meant to cheer up a new mum not the opposite.

@GlassOnTheLawn wow you’ve not read anything I’ve written properly. I’ve said I’m overwhelmed not upset so please don’t tell me I’m upset and put words in my mouth as I wouldn’t describe how I feel as upset so I don’t need a stranger to describe my feelings for me. I’m not ‘so overwhelmed I’ve had to post on mumsnet’ I’ve just wanted to know if others had the same opinion as me which many do. You’ve clearly not read either of my previous comments properly you’ve just wanted to jump on here and start telling me how I feel - I’ve said already that I have unwrapped everything and thanked everyone within a day or two so your comment that I haven’t unwrapped or thanked people is incorrect. I’ve also specifically said twice that I didn’t want a baby shower so I could choose gifts but so I could have time to sort and organise before the baby arrived - yet another thing you’ve just assumed without reading and makes your whole two middle paragraphs void. You’ve then made a huge leap saying a baby shower isn’t for asking for money - where has anyone said anything about money! And lastly you’ve just assumed I’ve ‘shoved’ things into a bin bag - where have I said that??? They’re unwrapped in a big gift bag in a corner of the nursery as like I have said if you’d read my comments, I don’t have much space left for anything, and I will sort through them at a later date as handily suggested by some of the more helpful people on here. Actually quite shocked at how rude that is to jump to so many conclusions without actually reading what I’ve written!

Actually quite shocked at how rude that is to jump to so many conclusions without actually reading what I’ve written!

Actually quite shocked at how rude and defensive you’re being to someone who was trying to help! And who expressed concern for your mental well-being. I shared some of my personal experiences of having a newborn to try and give you a sense of how unusual it is to feel so overwhelmed.

Sorry if I got some details incorrect. I don’t have time to read the entire thread as I work full time. Like many people I read your OP and a few following posts.

I’m not telling you ‘how you feel’ I’m telling you how you come across in your posts. To me you come across as upset. Apparently you’re not upset, just ungrateful to be showered with gifts so you’ve put them all in a corner of the nursery as you haven’t enough space to use them? Sorry but that doesn’t make sense to me, unless you’re talking hundreds of bulky items!

I may have muddled parts of your thread with another similar thread. If so I apologise.

But you clearly mention wanting a baby shower and wishing people would give gift cards or money so you can choose things you want? That part does come across as greedy.

Anything that’s come recently I’ve just put all in one big bag as I can’t face looking at any more gifts (I’m horrible aren’t I??). I’m tempted to return them and use the money to buy things suitable for when baby is a bit older

This is the part that jumped out at me. Ok not a bin bag but ‘one big bag’ and you’re considering returning them so you can recoup the money instead? 🤔

Do you know, I sort of felt like this. Not really the baby shower part but everything else.

Looking back, I almost think it was a touch of PND or baby blues and it all boiled down to a lack of control (all this stuff I didn't ask for, don't want, now need to sort! Not items I'd envisaged my baby wearing, now can't buy what I want now as it'd be wasteful as we have all this! Etc!)

I had a pretty shit birth that wasn't what I wanted, then covid hit so that was out of my control too.... I think the clothing/gifts etc were just the icing on the cake!

I am 18 months on now and actually look back at lots of bits we got sent quite fondly and beat myself up for not dressing my child in them more, appreciating them more at the time etc! I actually carry a lot of guilt now over it and will overcompensate sending photos of my child wearing/playing with gifts 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🙈

@GlassOnTheLawn I’m not going to get into an argument I just wrote my post to see if anyone shared my opinion and many people do.

But also to add incase anyone else reads through the comments, I also never said I’d prefer ‘gift’ cards, just cards.

This is why I don’t buy anything for the baby, I get something luxurious for the new Mum. Expensive bath oil or something similar. Something to make her feel good.

I agree. It doesn’t stop there either, every birthday and Christmas there are so many new things to try and find homes for. Grandparents bring toys weekly etc. It’s overwhelming and 10 years later I still get upset about all the plastic stuff that arrives in my house all the time and will get broken and end up in the ocean. Everyone I know knows this about me but it doesn’t seem to change. I’ve spent vastly more time picking toys up from the floor than I have playing with my kids I hope you find a better way to deal with it than I have done OP. I do know people buy gifts out of kindness and I value that but YANBU

I do know people buy gifts out of kindness and I value that

See I don’t think people did buy out of kindness. The whole buying useless stuff “cute so I couldn’t resist” seemed to say they wanted to buy teeny pink nikes, and impractical frilly pink dresses- because they enjoyed shopping for that crap, not because they put any sort of thought into what I or the baby might want or need.

I would be interested to know if there’s any difference between the kind of gifts girls get- pink frilly clothes, and boys? I haven’t had boys but definitely got the vibe that people were happy it was a girl so they could buy pretty girly stuff, and not boring blue boys.

I would be interested to know if there’s any difference between the kind of gifts girls get- pink frilly clothes, and boys? I haven’t had boys but definitely got the vibe that people were happy it was a girl so they could buy pretty girly stuff, and not boring blue boys

As one of those buyers - for both a boy and a girl - no difference. There are lovely things for boys and in some ways people have less chance to get it wrong with boys, except everything seems to be covered in bloody dinosaurs.

@RoseAddict totally agree re: the plastic toys and have already thought about how ill have to inform family well in advance of this Christmas to please avoid plastic toys! @Reallyreallyborednow I agree with your comments too but feel bad that I think it!

You didn't spend literally two weeks sorting out presents. What were you doing with them?!

OP posts in AIBU then gets super offended by nearly every comment and insists of course she is right about everything and people on MN who don’t agree with her are just rude. Yawn

ill have to inform family well in advance of this Christmas to please avoid plastic toys!

Good luck with that. Kids love cheap plastic toys, absolutely adore them.

I never got many, all pratical stuff, given tesco vouchers for folks to choose their baby gift

@Peaplant20 yes I’ve politely requested no plastic toys year after year. Explained how I want my children to inherit a world that isn’t destroyed by consumerism and that I care about the date of the oceans. No one listens. My house is as full of plastic as anyone else’s.

State not date of the oceans!

@RoseAddict sad isn’t it! Hopefully one day more people will care about it x

[quote Peaplant20]@RoseAddict sad isn’t it! Hopefully one day more people will care about it x[/quote]
It isn’t that people don’t care, it’s that little kids love them. We’ve bought tasteful wooden toys and they’re spurned in favour of plastic. You’re going to find it’s your child who doesn’t care!

I try to buy 2nd hand plastic toys
I tell family also that we are happy to recieve used toys also