AIBU - Saturday Night England Match??

[CityMumma78]

Hey everyone, please help me…
This Saturday we are due to go out with my parents to celebrate their special wedding anniversary. We are going out to a low key basic chain restaurant with our kids and my brother and his kids and we have two tables booked for 7pm. This arrangement has been in place for 1 week and we all live local so no special guests travelling from miles around to attend. Last week when we were arranging the evening we didn’t even consider the Euro fixtures but because England won last night and are playing on Saturday night we REALLY want to watch the game! I asked my parents if they could change the booking by half an hour which would allow us enough time for a leisurely dinner and taking into account the drive home this would enable us to watch the 2nd half. I have checked at the restaurant and there is plenty of availability to make a slightly earlier booking but when I spoke to my parents last night they have refused, point blank refused to change the booking by half an hour from 7pm to 6.30!! There is no reason other than they don’t want to. I haven’t asked them to rearrange the date I just want to bring it forward by 30 minutes but I have been made to feel guilty for even asking and I’m so angry they they can’t be more flexible to allow us to watch just part of the England game in the quarter finals. My husband doesn’t even want to go now.
Am I being unreasonable?

It's a special anniversary. If you are desperate to watch the game, watch it later.

But that almost feels like a red herring, because it's clear that to half of the thread that, standing plans or not, it is never acceptable to watch a game of football if that's the precise moment when your parents want to see you

And that the meal is now ruined anyway, because the OP will be thinking about the football and not giving her full attention to her parents.

Crazy.

@Nutrafin

Its clear form ops latest posts she doesn't really care for them either. But is irked they never plan anything. And then when they do, op wants to change it. I think you're taking the wrong point from that comment.

The OP says her relationship with her parents is very one sided, and it always falls to her to make arrangements (presumably for years or decades) and maintain a relationship with her parents.

Now all of a sudden, the parents who couldn't be bothered to make any plans over the years, leaving the OP to do it all, have heroically summoned the strength to book a table at a restaurant and are acting slighted by a request to move a meal by 30 minutes.

And now she's getting a bit of a kicking for not putting family first.

It's almost a shame this is about football. I expect the responses might be different were it a different event.

Its a simple different of opinion. Why do people insist on telling people they disagree with they are wrong.

Op wants to change plans but complains they are the ones that are self centered.

They are now making an effort. Op agreed to but not happy because their plans won't suit her. Despite the fact that they asked her and she said it was OK.

Yes, it probably would be different if it was a different event. Why would that be surprising? Different events have different meanings to different people. Why would she post here if she didn't want different people, with different interests posting.

If she wanted people who think this match is the biggest thing since 66, she could have posted on a football forum.

Its a simple different of opinion. Why do people insist on telling people they disagree with they are wrong
I said that I thought you were taking the wrong point from something - which is simply me expressing my opinion.

To me, it reads like your interpretation is that the OP has long wanted her parents to be the ones to organize an event, and now that they've done just that, the OP is being difficult.

My reading of the OP's comment is that she thinks it's a bit rich for parents, who have historically dumped everything on her and never been particularly interest in spending time with her, to be affronted when the OP asks for a little consideration or flexibility.

I'm a football fan and I think you're being unreasonable OP. It's been obvious since the end of the group stage a couple of weeks ago which side of the draw we were going to be in, so if you were worried about missing games you could've blocked them off in your calendar. That way when the meal was mooted last week you could've said "sorry, can't do Saturday night, but we could do Friday, or how about Sunday lunch instead?"

To be honest, this is not a game I'd be stressing over if circumstances meant I wouldn't be able to watch it live. It's not like it's the final or a semi, or even a match like the Germany game where there's a fair amount of history behind it. Either we end up losing to Ukraine, and you get to avoid 90/120 minutes of wailing and gnashing of teeth (and watch the highlights instead to see the contentious issues everyone will be discussing) or we win and you can enjoy watching the full game back without stress and just enjoy the football.

Yes, it probably would be different if it was a different event. Why would that be surprising? Different events have different meanings to different people. Why would she post here if she didn't want different people, with different interests posting.
Because I think some people who are saying that the OP should be cut out off her parents will, or that she's being incredibly rude to ask to meet her parents 30 minutes earlier, or are bemoaning the breakdown of society, are having their opinions coloured by their personal aversion to football (rather than the request itself being a massive affront to decency).

YANBU I'm not really seeing the big deal to be honest. No disrespect but it is only 30 minutes xx am I missing something?

I'm a football fan and I think you're being unreasonable OP. It's been obvious since the end of the group stage a couple of weeks ago which side of the draw we were going to be in, so if you were worried about missing games you could've blocked them off in your calendar. That way when the meal was mooted last week you could've said "sorry, can't do Saturday night, but we could do Friday, or how about Sunday lunch instead?"
Obviously that would be ideal*, but I'm sure we've all accidentally made an appointment only to later realize it's not an ideal time, and tried to move it.

*caveat being that certain posters would have been equally outraged if the OP had said no to Saturday in the first place.

YANBU I'm not really seeing the big deal to be honest. No disrespect but it is only 30 minutes xx am I missing something?
See that's how I would have thought most families would be, but apparently not!

To me, it reads like your interpretation is that the OP has long wanted her parents to be the ones to organize an event, and now that they've done just that, the OP is being difficult.

My reading of the OP's comment is that she thinks it's a bit rich for parents, who have historically dumped everything on her and never been particularly interest in spending time with her, to be affronted when the OP asks for a little consideration or flexibility.

See to me that makes no sense. But to me.

OP is bothered they have dumped everything on her and the time they don't OP still wants it her own way.

Maybe that's why they don't plan anything. Because when they do, she wants to change it anyway.

How can you complain people don't make plans.....then when they do complain that they won't change plans to suit you. Just makes people not want to make plans.

Whats happened then OP? Have you asked again to shift it?

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

No one could really have foreseen this match clashing with their meal. What difference is half an hour going to make? WIth kids in tow they weren't expecting you to sit at the table all evening were they?

OP is bothered they have dumped everything on her and the time they don't OP still wants it her own way.

Maybe that's why they don't plan anything. Because when they do, she wants to change it anyway.

How can you complain people don't make plans.....then when they do complain that they won't change plans to suit you. Just makes people not want to make plans.
I'd think that, if somebody is always the one to carry the load in maintaining a relationship for years and years, it is unreasonable not to cut them a tiny bit of slack the one time you get off your lazy arse and telephone a restaurant.

I'm a football fan and I think you're being unreasonable OP. It's been obvious since the end of the group stage a couple of weeks ago which side of the draw we were going to be in, so if you were worried about missing games you could've blocked them off in your calendar. That way when the meal was mooted last week you could've said "sorry, can't do Saturday night, but we could do Friday, or how about Sunday lunch instead?

I would be interested to know how it would have gone down with both OP’s parents, and those “it’s just the bloody football FFS your parents matter more” crew if when invited to this anniversary meal, the OP had said no I can’t make it as I want to stay in and watch the football.

I'd think that, if somebody is always the one to carry the load in maintaining a relationship for years and years, it is unreasonable not to cut them a tiny bit of slack the one time you get off your lazy arse and telephone a restaurant.

That's the thing. We only have ops version, which is very victim focused.

And she didn't react well to negative comments.

We don't know if it's laziness on the parents part. Or if it's that they don't make plans because op always wants the plans to suit her. So you might as well let her make them in the first place.

I am guessing it's the second, given ops posts and reaction to people telling her she was bu to try and change other peoples plans. You think the first.

Back to my point. I don't think it's about not caring about her parents. But I still don't agree that her parents were wrong for not wanting to change plans for something they organised so op could watch half of a game.

@Nutrafin

Yes, it probably would be different if it was a different event. Why would that be surprising? Different events have different meanings to different people. Why would she post here if she didn't want different people, with different interests posting. Because I think some people who are saying that the OP should be cut out off her parents will, or that she's being incredibly rude to ask to meet her parents 30 minutes earlier, or are bemoaning the breakdown of society, are having their opinions coloured by their personal aversion to football (rather than the request itself being a massive affront to decency).

Well I mean that's ridiculous. Cut her out of their will? I missed that bit.

But that's a huge over reaction.

I just don't think its a big deal either way tbh. But I just can't agree the parents are wrong.

To me, you make plans for something for someone else though stick to it, unless it's emergency.

Mayaspecialist yes, I'm choosing to engage the scenario that the OP has posted (arranging and hosting every family meet up for 15+ years, etc) rather than just making up my own parent-friendly narrative.

To me, you make plans for something for someone else though stick to it, unless it's emergency.

Are you saying you'd honestly be unwilling to amend your plans by 30 minutes for the sake of your daughter and three grandsons?

To me, you make plans for something for someone else though stick to it, unless it's emergency
And to me, I will always try to be flexible where possible, if to do so makes my loved ones happier. Their happiness is more important to me than the (apparent) social imperative that plans must never be altered (even if altering them would only take a 1 minute phonecall).

I would be interested to know how it would have gone down with both OP’s parents, and those “it’s just the bloody football FFS your parents matter more” crew if when invited to this anniversary meal, the OP had said no I can’t make it as I want to stay in and watch the football.
Oh that's been covered. Wanting to balance family and interests is illustrative of the breakdown of society. If your family want to meet at a particular time, you simply must be there at that exact time.

@Nutrafin

I would be interested to know how it would have gone down with both OP’s parents, and those “it’s just the bloody football FFS your parents matter more” crew if when invited to this anniversary meal, the OP had said no I can’t make it as I want to stay in and watch the football. Oh that's been covered. Wanting to balance family and interests is illustrative of the breakdown of society. If your family want to meet at a particular time, you simply must be there at that exact time.

It sounds like satire but it pretty much sums up the thread!

I was just musing though that a lot of people have said either:
A) OP can’t be that bothered about football or she would have known about the game; or
B) it’s rude not to stick to plans when you’ve made them.

I suspect neither of those things actually matters that much to a lot of posters, who would have criticised OP if she had declined the meal to watch the football, because to me what’s driving the nonsense on this thread is that people simply can’t respect that this football match it important to lots of people. People seem to think liking football and not wanting to miss a high profile important match is some kind of moral failing.

@Nutrafin

Yes, some posters love to create their own imaginary version of the story provided by the OP, on the basis that the OP must be biased and therefore she can’t be trusted. I think it’s just because they like to make her as unreasonable as possible so that they can give her a good kicking.
🤣

It sounds like satire but it pretty much sums up the thread!

Right!? I had this post, among others, in mind:

What has happened to civilisation when after all this time, pandemic and everything you can't even enjoy a meal cooked for you at a lovely restuauant and cherish your extended family, without wishing to be somewhere else.

I have interests that I enjoy outside of family life. I like spending time with my family members. Where circumstances allow, I'd prefer to be able to schedule things so that I can do both, rather than having them clash.

I'm a monster.

I'm on your side. I dont watch football other than England at the Euros or World Cup and you'd have to pay me a considerable amount of money to miss them!

Flip it on its head. I'm the parent, waiting to have dinner with adult kids; they want to watch the footy (or anything else important to them, that isn't necessarily important to me), I'd say crack on and reschedule.

Life's too short for this shit.

And Euro's are every 4 years, and world cup is every 4 years.

You should all go along. Wish the parents a happy special anniversary, then order swiftly, eat and drink as fast as possible, and pay the bill, then bugger off home to watch the game.
If this plan is not possible, because parents eat too slowly or are just relaxing and trying to have a nice time then as a fall back plan DH can feign stomach problems (which might be true if meal consumed at such high speed) so he can disappear to lavatory for long period of time, coinciding with first half, while viewing game on phone. Remind him not to shout and rattle toilet roll holder if England scores as this may be audible in restaurant area.
The evening should be a complete success. Good luck.