Goes off for drives for hours-does your dp:Dh?

[Shesalwaysshouting]

Would it piss you off?

Dp and I take it turns to do toddler dds bedtime, she often takes ages to fall asleep, so we often end up falling asleep upstairs with her.
On my nights doing her bedtime, Dp often goes out in the car for 2-3 hours at a time, he’s always got some reason-went for a drive, went to the beach, to get cigarettes, yo a friends. He does it all the time, rarely stays in. He doesn’t say, just goes, when I text there’s some reason or other.
Aibu to be pissed off about it? Would it bother you?
It’s just not something I’d do and I’m not sure he’d love it, he says it wouldn’t bother him but it would.

You should do it to him and see if it bothered him

I would be annoyed if dh did that, there's no reason why he should be going for 2-3 hours drive on his own in the evenings, my dh would die of boredom if he did that! Sorry to say it sounds like yours is having an affair and using these poor excuses. Has he always gone for long drives on his own, or gone out for a long time without telling you he's going, or is this something new

@Conchitastrawberry

Every now and then wouldn’t bother me but all the time? For hours? No it’s very suspicious.

Except all the time = 1-2 times a week and 'hours' = 1-2

Keep it in perspective. As per the OP's updates this equals being out of the house for 1-4 hours a week. Not much really is it.

If I ever felt the need to track my other half I'd do her a favour and split up with her

Fitting someone with a tracker isn't rebuilding your trust in someone it's ceding your trust entirely

Fuck that

@EmbarrassingMama

I hope your car is electric.

Also, I'd assume he was seeing a prostitute or having an affair.

Is seeing a prostitute or having an affair something you do every time you pop out for an hour? Honestly, prostitutes and crack. The bloke just wants to get out and go for a drive in his new car ffs

OP it seems the problem is that you don't trust him. And he doesn't seem to have given you any reason not to unless there's a backstory of hookers and affairs you've not mentioned?

Going purely by what you've said, it's not an affair, it's not sex workers, it's not crack ffs.

Why are you so paranoid?

My ‘dp’ was doing this. Going for a drive was actually code for fucking the local shop assistant in the family car.

Dp goes out on his (motor) bike to destress, I suppose a car fan might like to drive. No young kids though, so usually I go too that's the difference

DH and I walk the dog down an isolated country road. We’ve noticed that since the pandemic whenever we go there are men in cars pulled in just sitting there on their own. Presumed with lockdown they’re just mad to get away from their families (no doubt leaving their poor wives to do all the work on the interim) so I wouldn’t necessarily think affair.

@Shesalwaysshouting is not interested in date night, nor going out herself whenever he's in charge, preferring to veg. Out. In no hurry to crack cosleeping going through her posts she's more interested in phone tracking. Well if she LTB she can cosleeping every night for the next decade with no partner to worry about

@justasking111 ??

We’ve not done a date night as have zero family here and babysitters very expensive as I’m not working at the moment.

Co -sleeping is my choice and I’m okay with it for now, when it happens, it will. My issue isn’t with needing a date night or to go out or trying to stop co-sleeping, it was just with him going out. I don’t know why I should have to be arranging date nights or changing my parenting style in order to prevent him doing that 🤷🏻‍♀️

He doesn't sound invested in the relationship.. almost like he has checked out. 🌸

@QueenBee52 But in what way? I would be upstairs anyway, so we wouldn’t be able to be sat together etc?

@QueenBee52

He doesn't sound invested in the relationship.. almost like he has checked out. 🌸

You could say on the other hand she has had her sperm donor got the child co sleeping, and does not see why she should have to invest in her relationship. Date night, maybe a nice dinner, candles, massage whatever to hang onto what was hopefully a loving relationship once upon a time. I would be off in the car every night if my OH had checked out in this way.

You could say on the other hand she has had her sperm donor got the child co sleeping, and does not see why she should have to invest in her relationship. Date night, maybe a nice dinner, candles, massage whatever to hang onto what was hopefully a loving relationship once upon a time. I would be off in the car every night if my OH had checked out in this way.

yes very true 🤔

I don’t feel unsafe when he leaves. If he really was doing what he says, I don’t mind at all (aside from spending too much on petrol) I’m just quite paranoid so want to know he is actually doing as he says!

Why don't you trust him?

I wouldn't necessarily suspect an affair, maybe he is just a bit bored and that's a bit of free time he gets when he thinks it's not impacting OP or DD. Some people just need to get out, my dad is a bit like that. He wouldn't go driving for an hour+ but he would pop out to the petrol station or take the dog for long walks.

Tbh though OP, I would probably be trying to cut down that bedtime routine so maybe you could have a bit of time together in the evening, at least a couple of times a week. I personally wouldn't think much of going out if I knew my partner was going to be upstairs, potentially asleep, with our toddler for the majority of the evening. It wouldn't even cross my mind that my DP would be bothered under those circumstances.

@QueenBee52

He doesn't sound invested in the relationship.. almost like he has checked out. 🌸

I think he sounds like he knows he gets bored of sitting on the sofa on his own all evening and prefers to go and sit on the beach instead. It makes no difference to the OP, who isn't there anyway!

@shesalwaysshouting.

So what is the issue then ?

Every update you have posted you've changed the goal post so to speak.
Every time someone has said anything you've always replied basically saying its not this it's not that .
I cant see what you aim to get from this really.

[quote Shesalwaysshouting]@justasking111 ??

We’ve not done a date night as have zero family here and babysitters very expensive as I’m not working at the moment.

Co -sleeping is my choice and I’m okay with it for now, when it happens, it will. My issue isn’t with needing a date night or to go out or trying to stop co-sleeping, it was just with him going out. I don’t know why I should have to be arranging date nights or changing my parenting style in order to prevent him doing that 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
It could be part of the issue though as you're not spending any evenings together at all as one of you is always upstairs for ages, presumably sometimes the whole evening if you're both falling asleep with your daughter?

As I said, I wouldn't think anything of going out if I knew my DP was going to be upstairs with our child for hours. I'd just think I was free to do my own thing.

[quote Shesalwaysshouting]@QueenBee52 But in what way? I would be upstairs anyway, so we wouldn’t be able to be sat together etc?[/quote]
Yet you want to prevent him going out? I don't think even you know what the issue is here, OP.

I can't believe how many of you think this is odd or jump to the conclusion that the DH is having an affair ... when our DS was younger I would frequently go for a walk in the evening .. and I do now, certainly if I lived near a beach I would love to drive there and watch the sunset. Couples don't need to be joined at the hip ... would the OP find it odd if her DH went to play golf, have a bike ride or meet his mates for a drink? Is it just the fact that he likes to spend time on his own?

[quote Inthesameboatatmo]@shesalwaysshouting.

So what is the issue then ?

Every update you have posted you've changed the goal post so to speak.
Every time someone has said anything you've always replied basically saying its not this it's not that .
I cant see what you aim to get from this really. [/quote]
If you are confused imagine how the partner feels is he supposed to sit twiddling his thumbs until he wants to go to bed.

He's definitely lonely of an evening 🤔

"it was just with him going out. I don’t know why I should have to be arranging date nights or changing my parenting style in order to prevent him doing that 🤷🏻‍♀️"

OP so you are literally trying to stop him leaving the house because you're paranoid. The problem here is with you, I really think you need to work on why you're so paranoid

We’ve not done a date night as have zero family here and babysitters very expensive as I’m not working at the moment.

You don't need family or babysitters to have a date night. Sort your DD's sleep issues, put her to bed and have a nice dinner together with candles and some wine in the garden.