Goes off for drives for hours-does your dp:Dh?

[Shesalwaysshouting]

Would it piss you off?

Dp and I take it turns to do toddler dds bedtime, she often takes ages to fall asleep, so we often end up falling asleep upstairs with her.
On my nights doing her bedtime, Dp often goes out in the car for 2-3 hours at a time, he’s always got some reason-went for a drive, went to the beach, to get cigarettes, yo a friends. He does it all the time, rarely stays in. He doesn’t say, just goes, when I text there’s some reason or other.
Aibu to be pissed off about it? Would it bother you?
It’s just not something I’d do and I’m not sure he’d love it, he says it wouldn’t bother him but it would.

1-4 hours a week is plenty of time to meet with a prostitute or lover.

"1-4 hours a week is plenty of time to meet with a prostitute or lover."

😂

Welcome to the MN episode of "what can a man do in 1-4 hours?"

I’ll play…er…he has a lock up filled with nazi fetish gear and a model railway. Weirdly he finds both equally embarrassing.

@JustLyra I disagree. I'd rather find out the truth one way or another than live a lie.

OP, at least check his Google Maps location history if you don't want to put a tracker in the car.

So many people have said affair but maybe he just wants a break. Some peace and quiet on his own. Having a toddler is exhausting and mentally draining at times.

Can't you ask him outright?

I know this is isn't what you asked but you seriously need to address your DD's sleeping - the one thing that is not 'normal' is to spend so long coaxing a three year old to sleep . You seem more obsessed with your DH wanting to spend an hour or two at the beach than the fact that you can't put your DD to bed at a 'normal' time.

@Nesbo

I’ll play…er…he has a lock up filled with nazi fetish gear and a model railway. Weirdly he finds both equally embarrassing.

😂 throw in some heroin and a sex worker and it'll be a riotous one hour.

Sounds very dodgy, sorry but has affair written all over it?

Another massive problem here is the sleep problems with your dd! This will massively affect the relationship, can see why he wants to escape if it takes hours, it should not take more than 20-30 mins

@Coldwine75

Sounds very dodgy, sorry but has affair written all over it?

No it really doesn't.

"Sounds very dodgy, sorry but has affair written all over it?"

Really?!

Man who has always spent evenings on the beach and watching sunsets and surfing still enjoys this. He goes alone now as his wife is sleeping every night from 6.30pm.

He used to change from his dirty work clothes from his manual job in a hot country. Now he has a child this is apparently impossible so he no longer has a shower or changes. Never mind brushes his teeth.

He's got a new car, likes de stressing and having a drive after a long day. Sitting indoors staring alone at the tv just isn't his thing. He's into photography, the outdoors.

He drives there, hence the petrol going down. He's bored, lonely, stinks to high heaven because he's not able to have a shower - yes, everything points to an affair here.

Fucking bonkers 🙄

An unsupervised man is an affair-having man - the devil makes work for idle hands!

Download a tracker app or find my phone on his phone and see exactly where he's going!

I don’t understand the harm that is going to come to you if you just trust him. If my DH started getting suspicious and tracking me on my summer evening walks when I recharged from having young DC, honestly it would be the start of the end. You risk a lot by not trusting him and going down that road.

@Nesbo

An unsupervised man is an affair-having man - the devil makes work for idle hands!

Oh wow. Just wow.

"Download a tracker app or find my phone on his phone and see exactly where he's going!"

My god.

@Beachbabe1

Download a tracker app or find my phone on his phone and see exactly where he's going!

And how would you feel if your partner did this to you?

'An unsupervised man' are you serious? Do you monitor all the men in your life to ensure they are not having an affair !!!

My DB (single) lives near a beach .... most mornings & evenings he goes for a long walk ... on his own, he is not meeting anyone, he just enjoys walking, beach watching, observing the sunset etc. I stayed with him a couple of weeks ago & I went out most mornings & evenings - sometimes with him, sometimes on my own ... it was blissful, peaceful and relaxing ... and I have no interest in having an affair or meeting someone on those walks. Why do so many women seem to f8nd it hard to understand that plenty of people enjoy time in their own?

I think my “unsupervised man” post is best read in the context of my previous comments on this thread (including that one about the nazi fetish gear).

This isn't the barmiest post on this thread by a long shot

Well if not a affair he is trying to get away, perhaps its too stressful with the child not sleeping etc.

Id also see if I could get an app to track where he is going?

@justasking111

This isn't the barmiest post on this thread by a long shot

I know - sometimes you think you’re writing something so obviously crazy but then you look around and it slowly dawns on you that there are some people nodding along in agreement

Having said that I saw a tracking device on Star Wars that was able to track vehicles even if they went into hyperspace. I’d use one of those instead of just an app. Feels more reliable somehow.

It's illegal to covertly use a tracker in a car in the UK and USA. It's legal if you own the car and known

She’s never been used to not one of us helping her get to sleep

That's not going to change for as long as you continue to do it.

You must be bloody exhausted and emotionally spent by the time she's asleep each night.