Parents who never ask other parents for favours?

[80caloriesofbiscuitplease]

Like how do they do it?
As I'm sure a lot of you are aware, most primary schools have a primary school WhatsApp group. 90% of the chat is 'I'm going to be late' 'is anyone able to pick up Destiny on Wednesday?' 'Help I didn't know there was an inset day!'
There are about four regular mums who constantly ask these kind of things (of which I might be one )
The rest stay silent on the matters (as in they don't offer or ask) what I want to know is how the duck do they manage it?
How can you never be late, or struggle to pick up your child or cover the endless holidays? How can you never forget the date of homework's or the theme of dressing up day or the name of the TA? How can you consistently just keep all of this knowledge inside and be fulfilled and busy and well off and yet be at the school gate at five past ducking three every single day? To never look sweaty or harassed or answer emails in the park? To always have snacks that are well packed and nutritious?
How how how???

Flexible job where I could just say "sorry, I'm going now" if someone stopped me on the way out. Easy commute that wasn't prone to holdups, but I tried to always allow 15 mins extra. Similar for DH.

Everything put in the calendar, all paper forms filled in and returned ASAP (this was few years ago, paper letters were more common, I used to take a photo of them so I had the info with me). No snacks taken to school.

Mine are teens now, the only time I had to ask someone other than DH to pick them up from primary school was when I had to have an operation, so that was planned ahead. They never had to go and wait in the office. We did have a lot of regular planned liftshares to evening activities though, that helped loads and was sociable for the DCs. There have been a few times when I've had to check something with another parent even in secondary school, there seems to be even more admin than at primary sometimes (mine go to different secondaries). But on the whole I feel a lot happier if I keep on top of it all.

Primary age children so I expect them to know if they need their PE kit or when their homework is due. And if they forget then they learn the consequences. Funnily enough they are now able to remember most of the time.
We both work long hours in stressful jobs so can’t do all the remembering for kids. I find it quite amusing when a parent asks on a WhatsApp group if the child needs something for that day. The children are 9-ask them as they should know!

If I need a favour like a school pick up I would message a friend separately. We help each other out from time to time.

No whatsapp for ours...thankfully! I have managed to get by without ever asking for a favour but I think that's because me and my OH have always had to be totally self sufficient with childcare etc as we have no family nearby or anyone to help, so it's a case of being organised or failing!

Flexi hours and a family calendar... alongside obsessive punctuality.

I would never ask for help on a WhatsApp group either. I'd ask actual friends when I needed a favour.

Electronic calendar - discipline to note something down as soon as you hear about it.

No watssapp from any school (it sound traumatic)had 3 dd at different schools one has left now so just 2 at different school, I have 2 jobs, dh work aswell, I have managed to work around everyone this is very difficult I'm alway on time for drop off and pick know about dress up day and homework is in maybe on time sometimes it's bloody hard and sometimes I feel like living in the woods with the fairies 😅

My husband and I are self employed. We did this deliberately because we're not able to get help from family for various reasons.

What a bizarre question..
it’s called managing my day and having a calendar on my phone and a watch on my wrist

Single parent, full time job. I just got on with it. Everything was planned and if something didn't get done it didn't get done.

@AuntieUrsula

Perhaps if they ever do need help they don't ask for it on the WhatsApp? eg they might ask their mum to do pick-up if they can't make it, or message a friend privately - or actually check their emails to find a piece of information!

I agree with this. If I ever needed a favour I'd ask someone I was close to, not anyone on a WhatsApp group. If I'd forgot something like homework, dress down etc the fact that others are always posting would remind me.

One thing that helps is that school don't do any costume based things- it's a low income area and lots of people simply don't have the money. World Book Day is a t-shirt of the characters colour, eg Red Riding Hood. Oceans Day is a blue top. Everything else is just non-uniform for a donation you can afford.

A friend of mine drives me mad, she's forever on Facebook asking when the trip/inset day/sports day is. It would take all of a minute to look it up on the school website.

As a single parent who runs her own business... I always make sure I pick up my children from school every day without fail!
After reading this thread I totally agree with @ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

It's a weird mum shaming thread and there have been quite a few of these over last few days and I've bloody had enough!!!

I am very organised and very punctual.
That really takes care of most things.

I have helped many parents out over the 18+ years of primary that mine were in.

However, I could spot a piss taker/user from 20ft and was very ruthless as the years went on....not having it.

Fortunately there were only a few.

I'm not even on a class WhatsApp so couldn't ask if I wanted or needed to! I don't think the class has a WhatsApp group ... or if they do I've not been told or invited to join!

Anyway, needless to say, I've not asked other parents for help as a result. Tbh, I don't think I would anyway. DH and I both work FT but we rely on grandparents to do last min emergency stuff if we really need to. I don't know the other school parents well enough to ask a favour and wouldn't feel to comfortable with them looking after my kids as I don't know them myself

Well my DP works two hours away and can't drive, so that's out

Well there's a big part of your problem. You have a partner that can't help with any of the inevitable school pick up problems which will make it twice as hard for you than other parents.

Are you reading any of the responses OP?

Doesn't seem like you are taking them in!

Now those who do anything different to you and how your watsapp is used at your school are actively causing a massive social problem??!!

I gave the illusion of being organized. I wasn't. But I didn't need to ask other parents for favors because I had a wonderful childminder who did the school run at both ends of the day. So when I was running late, I texted my cm, when I was in danger of forgetting something, the cm reminded me, etc. And I couldn't offer help either, because I was at work and my cm was collecting my dd

@80caloriesofbiscuitplease

Well my DP works two hours away and can't drive, so that's out. Also 50% of the parents are non British so I do offer to help out as they don't have family near by. How do we ever expect people to adapt if we can't help them? One mum is doing a language course and physically can't get to school in time as it's two buses away so I pick up her kid. The dad is working. What's the alternative, she quits learning English, can't find a job and is trapped in poverty. The other two are single mums, one is leaning to drive so I have her kid whilst she learns. I feel sorry for other schools where this isn't the norm, it really is a good community. I'd like to think we're all approachable.

You sound like a lovely, kind person OP, not a CF at all. I think if you consistently help out others then you get more of a pass to be less organised.*

• UNLESS your child is one of the handful whose parents are consistently late and use the poor teacher as free childcare. Which is awful. But I'm sure you don't do that!

But what if you're running out the office and you're stopped by someone?
This is easy. I would say - sorry, I'm on my way elsewhere. Send me an email.

What about the rubbish truck that blocks the whole bloody road at ten to three?
If this is a regular occurrence I would plan to leave before 2.50 for a 3 o'clock deadline.

The fire alarm that goes off and leaves you trapped in the car park at work when your car keys are in your coat pocket by your desk?
I always keep my keys on me.

Do these things never happen to you all?
The only thing that kept me from getting to my DCs' school on time was a freight train that sometimes traversed the route back to the school from a certain shopping area. I learned to go shopping there in the morning.

The parents at my DCs' school (way before WhatsApp) often carpooled to parties and school sports for away games. This was usually organised in advance, but not always. There was also the offer of a return of the favour - I'll bring X to basketball if you can bring Y to the party. Or a sincere 'please call me if you ever need a lift for anyone'. We gave and received plenty of lifts.

Luckily, their school would also hold onto them in the office for a few minutes if I was late for some once off reason like a diaper change or a malfunctioning garage door. I was once trapped in a large supermarket with a policy of locking the doors if a child went missing. Since I usually had younger children with me they checked thoroughly that my children didn't match the missing child's description when I was leaving.

I never asked for favours because I don't even know any parents close enough outside of the whatsapp chat. Literally zero contact. Single parent, full time (more like 60 hour / week) job. If I need childcare, I pay for it.

What are these magical careers where you have to use your exceptional organisation skills and yet they're happy for you to skip out the door at 2.30?

If you work past school pick-up time, you need child care. If you're going to be a few minutes late, you phone school and let them know. I'm a teacher. Being late to school isn't an option when you need to be in front of a class. I've never been late to work except due to a genuine emergency (car crash, flooding, impassable snow), and I always managed not to be late dropping or picking up my children from their school either.

I have people I trust and can rely on, e.g. my friend who kindly looks after my dog if I unexpectedly have an extra long working day. But that's not because of me being late or disorganised, it's a pre-arranged thing.

I work pt nights. I've no issues helping anyone who genuinely needed childcare but there are lots of people will to take advantage.
Kindness isn't weakness and like I said it's the same people who are always in need of small favours.

@cupsofcoffee

They're SAHP's. They have a nanny. They have family who can cover in an emergency. They pay for childcare. They have to plan everything well in advance because they work or have multiple children etc. They're naturally organised and just "remember" these things. They fit their jobs around school hours so they don't need to be in a position where they rush about - probably taking a paycut in the process.

Plan everything in advance yes! I have no family support. Work full time. Very very little support from H. Dd in after school club every day. Put everything in work calendar as soon as I get it. Buy everything well in advance. Everything is like a military operation tbh!

I don’t ask on the WhatsApp, but we’ve had family crises lately (DM broke a hip and is in hospital, BIL terminally ill) and twice this term I’ve asked DD’s best friend’s family to have her after school. If that makes me an inferior being, so be it - there’s only DH and me, no family within 100 miles, and we needed to be at opposite ends of England on the same day.

[quote 80caloriesofbiscuitplease]What are these magical careers where you have to use your exceptional organisation skills and yet they're happy for you to skip out the door at 2.30?[/quote]
I worked in finance and made the choice rather than progress I'd work less hours to enable me to always be on time to collect my DC's from primary school.

I'd imagine lots of others that are able to collect their DCs have had to make a similar choice.
Also I absolutely hate being late