Page 14 | Parents who never ask other parents for favours?

Peace43 · 01/07/2021 07:28

I’m a single parent with a very senior full time job and I manage by:
Keeping a meticulous calendar (I have to for work anyway)
Treating kid appointments as hard deadlines like I do for work
Organising everything the night before
Getting up early enough to follow a calm and comprehensive routine every morning and not varying it
Only having one kid (although I can get mine + my sisters 2 out the door on time too when needed)
Doing any school requested activity immediately and in plenty of time before the deadline

Basically I organize it like my life depends on it because if I don’t it goes to rat shit really quickly and had a knock on for my work.

Fizbosshoes · 01/07/2021 07:45

I am a little bit disorganised but I hope not too annoying to friends etc.

There was one girl in my DDs class (they were in the same class for years) who never had a costume on dressing up day or wore a different colour, or took a certain item to school when needed. Parents never got invite replies from her parents and she rarely went to parties. I found it really sad, but when she was a teen she did come to DDs party and she was really sweet girl, the other girls were over the moon when she turned up late

I have found some replies a little bit smug from MN who never forget anything ever, and have never been in a situation which meant their ability to pick up or remember something was compromised.

When my DM was in hospital (years ago) my Dad called to say the hospital had said to close relatives to attend asap as she was going to be put on life support. It was around 2.45. I had to literally dump my toddler with another mum, ask her to pick up my DD and rush to the hospital.
A few years ago I had to attend a parents eve and I deliberately left work early. The train I intended to get was cancelled. I had left enough time for that eventuality, but then the next one was so late it came at the time the 2nd next one should have been, and I ended up being 5 min late. Occassionally some things just happen outside of your control to most people in RL

CassandraTrotter · 01/07/2021 07:48

Occassionally some things just happen outside of your control to most people in RL
Nobody said they don't. The threads about those who just won't put systems in place to get organised in a daily basis.

I have found some replies a little bit smug from MN who never forget anything ever
Again, nobody said this either. People have said what they use to remind them of things because life is busy and things get forgotten.

MiloAndEddie · 01/07/2021 09:18

Of course things SOMETIMES happen but if they are always happening to the same 4 parents there’s something bigger at play.

kindaclassy · 01/07/2021 09:46

I have found some replies a little bit smug from MN who never forget anything ever, and have never been in a situation which meant their ability to pick up or remember something was compromised.

sorry if some of us put our kids first.
People never seem to "forget" a holiday or a hairdresser appointment, I don't buy the "forgetting about school".

A medical emergency, or a car crash are very different from parents with silly excuses because they like to paint themselves as too superior to bother about school details.

Fizbosshoes · 01/07/2021 10:05

sorry if some of us put our kids first.
People never seem to "forget" a holiday or a hairdresser appointment, I don't buy the "forgetting about school

The 2 examples I gave were completely unavoidable things, and 100% nothing to do with not putting my children first. I'm surprised at the amount of people who have never asked anyone for help as all the lists and phone reminders and leaving time cant always prevent the unexpected. It's taken me over 2 hours to do a 30 min train journey before - how long am I meant to leave as a time buffer?!!

But yes sometimes I admit I have occassionally forgotten it's odd socks day, bring a pringles tube on tuesday, or bring a pound for the dogs trust on friday etc. (On the latter I usually take a charity contribution to the office at the end of the day if I've missed it in the morning)

I certainly dont feel superior about it, in fact I feel crap if I've forgotten something! Luckily our whatsapp group is supportive and there is lots of discussion on what's happening on what day. I post either way. Sometimes I know the info someone else is after, other times I'm grateful for a reminder.

Mary46 · 01/07/2021 10:09

Hi op school run is set time so I had be organised. Some people have great backup I guess that helps. I temped so some weeks I hadnt work so was around more

Peace43 · 01/07/2021 10:10

Of course stuff goes unexpectedly tits up - even to the most organised of parents. But generally it's once a year at most and there are back up plans so I don't need to involve random parents on the internet. I admit it must be far harder if you haven't got close friends or family who'd help but even then I'd expect the actual emergencies to be few and far between not a weekly occurence!

edwinbear · 01/07/2021 10:11

I'm just very well organised. When school send e mails about sports day/charity day/dress down day etc, it goes in my personal and work calendars immediately.

I work full time, in a senior job, but if I had to leave on time to collect DC and someone stopped me on the way out, I'd say I can't stop right now because I have to collect DC and schedule a time to speak with them later. If I'm in a meeting or on a call that I think may overrun, I let people know at the start I need to leave at x time because I have to collect DC. This also applies if I have back to back meetings/calls though - I wouldn't arrive at a meeting late because another had over run.

I leave early for everything so I'm never late. This applies to school pick ups, client meetings, medical appointments, hair appointments etc. 99% of the time I end up sat in a car park for 20 mins as I'm early, but 1% of the time I'm glad I left early because of traffic, cancelled trains etc. This drives my family mad because we're the people at the airport before check in opens, but we've never missed a flight and have time for some duty free shopping/leisurely breakfast etc.

LuxOlente · 01/07/2021 10:11

@Fizbosshoes

*sorry if some of us put our kids first. People never seem to "forget" a holiday or a hairdresser appointment, I don't buy the "forgetting about school*

The 2 examples I gave were completely unavoidable things, and 100% nothing to do with not putting my children first. I'm surprised at the amount of people who have never asked anyone for help as all the lists and phone reminders and leaving time cant always prevent the unexpected. It's taken me over 2 hours to do a 30 min train journey before - how long am I meant to leave as a time buffer?!!

But yes sometimes I admit I have occassionally forgotten it's odd socks day, bring a pringles tube on tuesday, or bring a pound for the dogs trust on friday etc. (On the latter I usually take a charity contribution to the office at the end of the day if I've missed it in the morning)

I certainly dont feel superior about it, in fact I feel crap if I've forgotten something! Luckily our whatsapp group is supportive and there is lots of discussion on what's happening on what day. I post either way. Sometimes I know the info someone else is after, other times I'm grateful for a reminder.

If you don't have "people to ask for help" you get into the habit of being self-sufficient. If you're going to be late to school pickup the child will remain in school until you arrive and explain. Perhaps you call the school. You still do it yourself.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 01/07/2021 10:12

What are these magical careers where you have to use your exceptional organisation skills and yet they're happy for you to skip out the door at 2.30

Not 2.30 because I had a childminder to collect from school twice a week (DH used to do two days and I WFH one day a week), but I used to leave at 4.20 to get home by 5.20 for a 6pm deadline. In 4 years I was late twice and one of those occasions was due to snow, not the train being late. But had that been shortly before covid, I'd probably have been late twice a week because the trains were terrible. Not sure what I would have done to be honest, probably had to adjust hours and take a pay cut.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 01/07/2021 10:13

Oh and I am another person who's always early for everything and sit in car parks waiting for things. DS hates me and DH as we are always at airports so early.

starbrightstarlight8888 · 01/07/2021 10:15

I'm one of these people. I don't have a nanny or grandparents help, I have a professional job (finance). I'm just super organised, always have been. I've never been late, forgotten a school event, non uniform day etc, never had to ask for help.
It's just in my nature to be organised.
I block the school run out in my work diary so I don't get meetings put in and get held up.
Oh and we don't have a class WhatsApp group, never have and ds is year 6 now.

PixieAndProsecco · 01/07/2021 10:20

I teach in the school/nursery my children attend - I always need to be on time, I am always there at drop off and I remember the dates because it's also part of my job.

PixieAndProsecco · 01/07/2021 10:20

I am also organised and everything goes in the calendar.

Livpool · 01/07/2021 10:20

DS is in reception so have only met a handful of parents due to social distancing. No WhatsApp groups (unless they have just left me out!).

However I wouldn't need to ask parents because we have grandparents who can help. And I now wfh full time and live 10 minutes walk from the school so I can do drop offs and pick ups. I don't have a customer-facing role so can be flexible. I realise this makes me very fortunate

user1497207191 · 01/07/2021 10:24

They're naturally organised and just "remember" these things.

I think it's more a matter of learning from your past mistakes.

If you keep forgetting things, then experience tells you to start making reminder notes, write things on a calendar etc.

If you keep being late, then experience tells you to set off earlier and allow a bit of time for contingencies.

kindaclassy · 01/07/2021 10:25

But yes sometimes I admit I have occassionally forgotten it's odd socks day, bring a pringles tube on tuesday, or bring a pound for the dogs trust on friday etc.

ok, but do you also forget things at work and in your social life?
Do you forget to bring a bottle or whatever when you were supposed to for a bbq or similar?

Are you happy for your GP or your cleaner to "forget" things for you?

And if it happens more than once, why not changing your system to make sure you don't forget again?

If one of my team consistently "forget" work-related things, I wouldn't put up with it.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 01/07/2021 10:28

They're naturally organised and just "remember" these things.

I'm not. But I have a son with autism and you have to learn to be very organised. You also can't leave them with just anyone so you have to learn to work round it.

user1497207191 · 01/07/2021 10:29

@looptheloopinahulahoop

Oh and I am another person who's always early for everything and sit in car parks waiting for things. DS hates me and DH as we are always at airports so early.

I'm the same. But the last time we went on holiday, OH finally admitted I've been right all along. We allowed plenty of time - the same leeway that usually gets us there hours too early, sometimes even before the check in desks have opened!

But we got stuck in traffic on Manchester's wonderful M60 motorway, which set us back about 30 mins. Then we were waiting at the airport car park for another 30 minutes for the shuttle bus. There were stupidly long queues at security (Man Terminal 3!), the queue extending right back into the check in areas, which delayed us by about 90 minutes before we even got to the front of the queue and then got stopped to have a bag manually checked (another half hour!). We'd planned to have breakfast there, but didn't have time, and were basically the last on board the plane - they closed the doors literally right behind us!

JustHavinABreak · 01/07/2021 10:30

Calendars and diaries. Nothing happens around here if I don't write it down. So I write down EVERYTHING. It's become part of the daily routine that when the kids get home, I check their bag for notes and newsletters and update the diary and calendar straight away. Same with the interactive app from the school.

Being late all the time isn't great because it makes you look more scatty than you probably are. Get it into your head that if you're collecting your DC at 3pm, you need to be there at 2.55pm. If you need to leave the house at 8.30am, start leaving at 8.20am.

claralara42 · 01/07/2021 10:33

How can you never be late, or struggle to pick up your child or cover the endless holidays? How can you never forget the date of homework's or the theme of dressing up day or the name of the TA? How can you consistently just keep all of this knowledge inside and be fulfilled and busy and well off and yet be at the school gate at five past ducking three every single day? To never look sweaty or harassed or answer emails in the park? To always have snacks that are well packed and nutritious?

I don't. But that doesn't mean I ask anyone else for help. If I'm late, then I'm late. So what? If we forget the date of homework or the theme for the dress up, well so what? It doesn't matter. I'm not at the school gate and can't be late for pick ups as the afterschool does that. I rarely have decent snacks and I'm often sweaty and harrassed, but none of that means I ask other parents that I don't even know for help.
I guess I would in a real emergency, but I have my own friends for that.

MsTSwift · 01/07/2021 10:42

The ideal is to make genuine friendships with other parents then you all help each other in emergencies. As you have filtered them as friends no one takes the mick. You have a private WhatsApp group so not exposed to judgement from unlike minded random parents. Worked really well for us anyway and we still all friends now our kids are teens - actually a good way of keeping tabs on teens too - the mum mafia 😁. On our last drinks last weekend we uncovered some year 9 naughtiness by our respective teens!

cookiecreampie · 01/07/2021 10:44

I don't think I've ever asked any parents for favours. Although I've got 4 kids, I don't work, so it's probably easier for me. I only been asked once by someone for a favour and that was someone asking me to pick up their kids, feed them and keep them till 7 pm Monday to Friday. I said no.

PleasantBirthday · 01/07/2021 10:59

Nobody on my whatsapp group has asked for help. From my own point of view, my husband and I both have our work lives organised around childcare, we even chose where we bought our house to facilitate it. We pay for afterschool club four days a week but rarely use it that often.

On balance, we both care about childcare more than anything else so anyone stopping you leaving work etc gets short shrift.

Most of the people (men and women) I work with are exactly the same. Family first, work second, always.