Parents who never ask other parents for favours?

[80caloriesofbiscuitplease]

Like how do they do it?
As I'm sure a lot of you are aware, most primary schools have a primary school WhatsApp group. 90% of the chat is 'I'm going to be late' 'is anyone able to pick up Destiny on Wednesday?' 'Help I didn't know there was an inset day!'
There are about four regular mums who constantly ask these kind of things (of which I might be one )
The rest stay silent on the matters (as in they don't offer or ask) what I want to know is how the duck do they manage it?
How can you never be late, or struggle to pick up your child or cover the endless holidays? How can you never forget the date of homework's or the theme of dressing up day or the name of the TA? How can you consistently just keep all of this knowledge inside and be fulfilled and busy and well off and yet be at the school gate at five past ducking three every single day? To never look sweaty or harassed or answer emails in the park? To always have snacks that are well packed and nutritious?
How how how???

I have a disease that means I am always in pain and often on crutches/in a wheelchair and have 4 kids at 4 different schools and I'm still always asked by a few parents to take/collect their kids. One piss taker sent me a stream of abusive messages because I know she works and haven't taken care of her children enough for her liking.
I have a lot of friends (who are not piss takers!) I could call in an emergency and they me but it rarely happens, to be honest.

We never had a whatsapp group

I did on occasion have to ask a friend for help eg when the car broke down and when I had surgery.

And I haven't taken care of her children enough...

There are about four regular mums who constantly ask these kind of things (of which I might be one wink)

so in summary, you are just disorganised, expecting others to pick up your slack, and trying to make yourself feel better?

We don't have a class WhatsApp. If it ever occured that I was stuck and couldn't get there in time, either DH would go, I'd message my mum, or a couple of close friends, or just call the office and ask them to hold on to them for me.

I can't imagine messaging and just asking on a group chat, but I don't tend to use that sort of thing anyway.

We have a WhatsApp group but it tends to just people asking for clarification on what the children have to take to school for a particular activity or such like. I think that any ad hoc requests for help with pick ups tend to be done outside of that group and between people who have a kind of regular arrangement.

[quote luckylavender]@TeaAndBrie - actually I don't agree. If you want something done, ask a busy person. I always worked FT, was never late or forgetful. I'm just very organised. Many SAHMs I know aren't very organised. No criticism, just the way it is.[/quote]
Completely agree!! Always worked full time. Have never had a drama over inset days or random dress up day. Because, you know, I bother to read the texts and emails from school. The only person who suffers if you don’t is your kid.

I find my kids current school is a bit depressing how everyone just loads their kids into a 4x4 and drives off to their own house and shuts the door. Kids on iPads, mums and dads back on laptops. This isn't judgemental because this is what I do too!

If everyone goes back to their own house and shuts the door how do you know the kids are on iPads and the parents on laptops?

I'm not useless 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am quite organised and was late once, just once in their school careers.
Heavy snow was forecast, I rang the school in the morning as it was 12 miles away (and on high ground) and asked if I should get them. They told me not to worry and if it started to snow there, they would let me know.
At 2.30 I got a frantic phone call saying "come quick the road is nearly impassable". By the time I got there the school was cut off and I had to walk the last mile.
The deputy head drove back down the hill with us in her husbands tractor.

We have a class WhatsApp group and no-one has ever posted asking for someone to pick up their kid or look after them on an inset day/holiday. If someone did this as a one off then I wouldn't judge, I would just assume it was an emergency and that they had no family close by. But if it was a regular occurrence I would think either they are a CF or there must have some kind of significant personal issues going on.

@JoyOrbison - blimey that does sound a PITA! I'm so glad the parents in my DD's class are sensible as it must be awful wondering if your DC will be bitched about next Luckily our group is just used to check last minute information and to organise an end of year present for the teacher!

''I find my kids current school is a bit depressing how everyone just loads their kids into a 4x4 and drives off to their own house and shuts the door. Kids on iPads, mums and dads back on laptops. This isn't judgemental because this is what I do too! I'm slightly envious of the mums who walk home with their kids and buggies and stop in the local pub for a pint''

What?

I was already confused about what OP wanted out of this thread but now i'm totally baffled.

4x4s and i pads everyday OR down the pub at 3 o'clock with the kids in tow?? Neither is anything i recognise.

@80caloriesofbiscuitplease

But what if you're running out the office and you're stopped by someone? What about the rubbish truck that blocks the whole bloody road at ten to three? The fire alarm that goes off and leaves you trapped in the car park at work when your car keys are in your coat pocket by your desk? Do these things never happen to you all?

If someone tries to stop me on my way out, I say "walk with me". I literally walk to the exit with them following me and we talk as we walk. If it can't be dealt with in a short discussion, that's their problem. I'll happily help the next day/later on, but my children come first.

@cupsofcoffee

They're SAHP's. They have a nanny. They have family who can cover in an emergency. They pay for childcare. They have to plan everything well in advance because they work or have multiple children etc. They're naturally organised and just "remember" these things. They fit their jobs around school hours so they don't need to be in a position where they rush about - probably taking a paycut in the process.

Why so bitter? I'm paid handsomely, suffering no pay cuts nor loss of respect and responsibility, do not need to 'plan in advance' because school ends at the same time each day, do not pay for childcare as I work from home in the afternoons, and have neither family nor nanny.

You don't need to buy all those things just to pick your kids up on time.

"They probably rely on their husbands and have flexible working. Some may well be working those emails after kids are in bed. Or maybe they are really shoddy at work but look together at school."

Isn't that a bit like saying mothers who can't pick up their kids are probably drunks? It's rather judgemental. My husband doesn't collect the children, as I have mastered the art of remembering 3.30pm happens at the same time each day. Flexible working is an admirable goal. You should strive for it.

"But what if you're running out the office and you're stopped by someone?"

What does that mean? Like, a homeless person? A policeman? I walk from the office to the train, I don't stop to chat to strangers.

I've never even spoken to a school mum or joined a Whatsapp. I have nothing to really discuss with random strangers. I just pick up my children each day. I am not late nor simply 'cannot'. That's just being organised.

The children remember their own homework dates, as it's their homework, and their own dress up days, as they're the ones excited for them. I don't need to know the name of the TA.

It's never occurred to me to ask strangers to help parent my children. I don't want them picked up by randoms. Arriving on time each day is not rocket science.

[quote 80caloriesofbiscuitplease]What are these magical careers where you have to use your exceptional organisation skills and yet they're happy for you to skip out the door at 2.30?[/quote]
Software engineering.

@80caloriesofbiscuitplease

But what if you're running out the office and you're stopped by someone? What about the rubbish truck that blocks the whole bloody road at ten to three? The fire alarm that goes off and leaves you trapped in the car park at work when your car keys are in your coat pocket by your desk? Do these things never happen to you all?

No.

"It's a sad, insular society some of you seem to live in. We are social animals we know!"

Ah, right, we're selfish because we won't pick your kids up because you have some weird comical chaotic life.

Your comment about the 4x4s suggests you think other parents are somehow richer or something? So they won't pick up your kids because they're rich, and you're better because you're... disorganised?

I never ask other parents for help. Both DH and I have full time stressful jobs. We have no family nearby to support. We only have one DC so makes it easier I suppose. There’s no big mystery. We aren’t super organised or anything special. We are at levels in our jobs where we can make school events and work at home when needed etc. Having this flexibility helps but I won’t say it’s been plain sailing as there have been plenty of stressful drives home when I was concerned I would be late for after school club pick up. Thankfully DC is now yr7 so more self-sufficient.

I love our class whatsapp group. I nearly always put all the dates on the calendar at the beginning of term but am shit at checking them in plenty of time Our WhatsApp group seems to have a few very organised mums and the rest of us muddling through occassionally asking (or more rarely knowing the answer to) a question.

If you want to take your kids to the pub after school then do that? Pubs don’t only exist on council estates and they often have car parks where you can park your 4x4. Also think you’re romanticising council estates a bit, I grew up living in council estates and don’t remember a Billy Conolly-esque takes a village mentality. Most people were poor and many had very difficult lives.

And it’s nothing to do with ‘magical careers’ where you can ‘skip out the door at 2.30.’ When I have worked full time I had to pay a child minder to come and collect my children and care for them at her home. I didn’t just ask other parents to do it for me.

I don't ask for help.

I have one child, walk to and from school am very (very) organised. I have a senior job but also I have boundaries so I'm able to handle it all.

I make lists, I add things to diaries, I think it all through all the time.

I'm not sure I'd find you very endearing OP as I find chaotic people a bit much to handle.

But I do have my time in the sun with my DD and my friends. They're just not school mums.

Maybe it's me but there's never been any class WhatsApp group, I just read the weekly newsletter and like - remember..... if I'm ever going to be late I'll ask the kids dad... If he can't help I'll ring school 🤷‍♀️

@80caloriesofbiscuitplease - do you not have wraparound care at your school? Because surely that's the alternative - you use childcare?

I live fairly near school. Despite organising and getting WOrld book day or dress up costumes in advance and having it in the diary, a couple of times weve had to do a last minute change when other children have walked past in non uniform or costumes!