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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents who never ask other parents for favours?

493 replies

80caloriesofbiscuitplease · 30/06/2021 19:06

Like how do they do it?
As I'm sure a lot of you are aware, most primary schools have a primary school WhatsApp group. 90% of the chat is 'I'm going to be late' 'is anyone able to pick up Destiny on Wednesday?' 'Help I didn't know there was an inset day!'
There are about four regular mums who constantly ask these kind of things (of which I might be one Wink)
The rest stay silent on the matters (as in they don't offer or ask) what I want to know is how the duck do they manage it?
How can you never be late, or struggle to pick up your child or cover the endless holidays? How can you never forget the date of homework's or the theme of dressing up day or the name of the TA? How can you consistently just keep all of this knowledge inside and be fulfilled and busy and well off and yet be at the school gate at five past ducking three every single day? To never look sweaty or harassed or answer emails in the park? To always have snacks that are well packed and nutritious?
How how how???

OP posts:
bigbaggyeyes · 30/06/2021 20:57

I paid someone to do the pick ups and drop offs for me. They were also on the hook if I had emergencies. I hated relying on favours from people, I get really stressed if I have to

Bananasinpyjamas21 · 30/06/2021 20:57

I’m with @ravelston - why on earth would you take a course when you were supposed to be picking up your kid? Especially a language one - there’s plenty of APPs!

The occasional favour, from a few trusted known people, must be nice Envy I’m just jealous I don’t have this.

However repeatedly having someone, that you might not even know that well, pick up your child isn’t parenting. You need to grow up. It’s also not great for the child. Not being funny but getting acquaintances, that you don’t know well parent looking after your kid is a safeguarding issue. And also makes your kid feel neglected.

Heatherjayne1972 · 30/06/2021 20:57

Can’t think of anything worse than a class WhatsApp group
We have newsletters with relevant dates on sports day /parents evening/ plays etc etc
And no I’ve never once been late for pickup.

Or drop off.

mullmara · 30/06/2021 20:58

I never need to ask for childcare, pick ups etc as I have family who can help & pretty much work school hours/holidays. Sometimes need a homework reminder though.

kindaclassy · 30/06/2021 20:58

I'm slightly envious of the mums who walk home with their kids and buggies and stop in the local pub for a pint in the sun

huh!?!? who does that Confused

Shmithecat2 · 30/06/2021 20:59

@kindaclassy

I'm slightly envious of the mums who walk home with their kids and buggies and stop in the local pub for a pint in the sun

huh!?!? who does that Confused

I will be on Tuesday, with a couple of other mums.
Longdistance · 30/06/2021 20:59

I work full time, term time only, work til 5.30pm. Dh works full time. Couldn’t think of anything worse than a WhatsApp group with parents messaging and slagging off the school. I was on one for a week until there were loads of messages slagging the school off.
Never asked another parent to pick up my children as I’m late or didn’t know it was an INSET day.
It’s called being organised.

mullmara · 30/06/2021 20:59

We go to the local park & bring our own!

Triceratopsmama · 30/06/2021 21:02

We both work and we never ask anyone for help with ds.
I do all dropping and collecting(he is 5) I am self employed and customer facing and I just schedule my day to allow me to do what he needs.
We have no parental/sibling support, we have never asked friends or other parents to help. However I have helped other parents. I'm naturally very organised and lucky to be self employed and have the flexibility to do what suits our family.
I'm very lucky to be able to arrange my work the way I do.

Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat · 30/06/2021 21:03

I find my kids current school is a bit depressing how everyone just loads their kids into a 4x4 and drives off to their own house and shuts the door. Kids on iPads, mums and dads back on laptops. This isn't judgemental because this is what I do too!

I'm losing track of what the thread is really about, I think.

I'm slightly envious of the mums who walk home with their kids and buggies and stop in the local pub for a pint in the sun, whilst their kids run around the beer garden

Literally never encountered this, ever. How many 'mums' stop off at the pub for a pint on the way back from school, really?

drspouse · 30/06/2021 21:03

No WhatsApp group here either.
I once asked a mum who walks past our house to get to school to walk DS up when DD had a fever and DH was commuting. Once asked a different mum to have him when DD had a GP appointment. He's in Y4.
I've messaged other parents 2 or 3 times in 4 years about special days.
The WhatsApp group at his previous school was used to bully the school into permanently excluding him so I'm not a fan.

ravelston · 30/06/2021 21:08

@80caloriesofbiscuitplease

I think the council estate bit is because my experience is that it's very community minded (at times!) I find my kids current school is a bit depressing how everyone just loads their kids into a 4x4 and drives off to their own house and shuts the door. Kids on iPads, mums and dads back on laptops. This isn't judgemental because this is what I do too! I'm slightly envious of the mums who walk home with their kids and buggies and stop in the local pub for a pint in the sun, whilst their kids run around the beer garden. I wonder who's kids will grow up happier, mine or theirs?
You said earlier that other parents rely on you and you rely on them. This doesn't match the above
gingerninja99 · 30/06/2021 21:10

I do work and have an very lucky to have a job that is during school hours and term time only, I have never asked another parent to do me a favour by picking up etc because I am running late etc, but I do have a couple of mums would be comfortable asking but generally I so far haven't had the urgent need to. If someone tries to catch me on my way out of work I will cut them off and ask them to email me as I'm going for the school run, work are very flexible for any time off needed for sports day or shows etc but I always get my request in early so it's not last minute. I am naturally very organised and plan ahead, sometimes to far if you ask my husband but we run like a well oiled machine Grin
I note everything on my phone calendar with alarm reminders if I need to, I also have a weekly planner on my fridge that I fill out on a Sunday so if I have forgotten to get something or have change for some event at school I have the day to get everything together ready for the week
Lists are my absolute must but 'organised' lists Grin no just tons of random lists

didireallysaythat · 30/06/2021 21:12

No WhatsApp group here. And I've never asked another parent to pick up - actually i only know one or two and don't have their numbers anyway. Never had a play date!

Rillington · 30/06/2021 21:13

Mine are 16 and 17. I've never been late for them ever. They are my priority. I look at school letters as soon as they come home and check for emails. I pay for trips and clubs as soon as the letter comes home. I couldn't be doing with being disorganised.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 30/06/2021 21:16

Personally, I never would have been comfortable asking for favours regarding my children. They were my responsibility, not anyone else's

This. Also I worked FT and that wasn't the done thing, so I didn't make the yummy mummy friends to ask the favours of.

Do these things never happen to you all they didn't really happen, no. I had the odd problem but DH and I would cover for each other or the childminder would keep ds for longer. I also used to leave work in plenty of time to do nursery and school pick-ups, which did have a negative impact on my job in the end, but meant I didn't have crises. And the trains on my line were much more reliable ten years ago than they were immediately before covid.

MiloAndEddie · 30/06/2021 21:18

I work FT as does my DH. We pay for after school care. It closes an hour later than we tend to pick up so never run late.

Bombproof childcare is the solution tbh.

I’d hate to be ‘that parent’ always a bit late or not got their bookbag etc because it’s my kid that suffers.

luckylavender · 30/06/2021 21:21

@TeaAndBrie - actually I don't agree. If you want something done, ask a busy person. I always worked FT, was never late or forgetful. I'm just very organised. Many SAHMs I know aren't very organised. No criticism, just the way it is.

SummerBreeze1980 · 30/06/2021 21:22

We have a class Watsapp and to be honest I've never seen anyone post in there to say they are going to be late (you just call the school in that situation, surely?) or can someone else pick up their child (you'd ask someone you know who you'd have their number so no need to post in class Watsapp - same for holidays). At my DD's school inset days are communicated prior to the new school year and then reminders sent on Parent mail/the weekly newsletter/chalkboards at school gates so well communicated so not sure anyone could 'not know'. We have no compulsory homework but DC can take something in to show every other Friday and can just check the homework sheet if you need to know the date. Likewise just check the parentmail if you forget the theme for dress up day or the website for the name of the TA. I don't keep any knowledge inside I just look up anything I need to know (apart from rare things I can't look up - like DD says teacher said no swimming tomorrow - and this is where the group comes into it's own. If half a dozen others said the same I know it is true!). I'm not always fulfilled, not well-off and sometimes late for school pick up - none of which I mention in the class Watsapp!! Nor my sweatiness or state of playtime snack! Does that answer your question? Grin I can't figure out if it is your school that communicates really badly or that you are just badly organised?

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 30/06/2021 21:26

You sound v nice and helpful and I’m happy to look after friends children occasionally but no, tbh, I’ve basically never asked for help! I get to school on time and plan my life around being there when the dc need me to be. I would never offer up my annual leave to look after people’s kids!! Holidays are for hanging out with my children!!all of these complex logistics make me feel stressed!

AbsoluteMadness · 30/06/2021 21:26

@TheAlleyAlleyOh

They have helpful family near by basically and or are stay at home mums
Neither of those in our case. Family abroad, both work full time. We just manage between us and pay for childcare.
SummerBreeze1980 · 30/06/2021 21:27

@luckylavender - I agree. When you work FT you just have to be so on it - I was always super organised - never late for pick up. Now I'm at home - there are definitely times I've had to speed walk to school!

SummerBreeze1980 · 30/06/2021 21:29

@AbsoluteMadness - same no family here and as I said above was more organised when I was working FT.

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 30/06/2021 21:33

@80caloriesofbiscuitplease

I think the council estate bit is because my experience is that it's very community minded (at times!) I find my kids current school is a bit depressing how everyone just loads their kids into a 4x4 and drives off to their own house and shuts the door. Kids on iPads, mums and dads back on laptops. This isn't judgemental because this is what I do too! I'm slightly envious of the mums who walk home with their kids and buggies and stop in the local pub for a pint in the sun, whilst their kids run around the beer garden. I wonder who's kids will grow up happier, mine or theirs?
I don’t think you need to go the pub at 3pm for your children to be happy! Why don’t you walk home when you have time instead of going in your 4x4? Why are you giving your dc an iPad when you get in? Stick them in the garden! Let them play around! Bring your laptop and a coffee outside whilst they play. There’s a happy medium! No need for buggies in pubs and drinking pints on a Monday afternoon!
Rosesareyellow · 30/06/2021 21:37

Kids on iPads, mums and dads back on laptops. This isn't judgemental because this is what I do too! I'm slightly envious of the mums who walk home with their kids and buggies and stop in the local pub for a pint in the sun

I don’t understand what’s stopping you tbh. You act like you have no control over this, if you just shut the door and let your children spend their all their time on iPads that’s your call surely?