What nonsense do you have to do/fake enthusiasm for in your job?

[Whatapalavaa]

I'll go first. Performance manage based on utter nonsense criteria that I don't really care about but have to pretend to be oh so serious about. Pretend to care about our mission statement and our organisational culture. Yawn. I sit in meetings wondering if anyone else is seriously buying this crap or rather putting on a good act like me. Anyone else?

I haven't had to do this yet, but I am leading some franchised type training next week. The content is fine and I am very happy to deliver and facilitate that.

BUT I have to go through the company's (not my employer - the company that has provided this training package) mission statement and protocols for participation in the training with everyone at the start.

I have been o the receiving end of training from this company before. Good stuff, but I always cringe and die inside at the introduction. I might get away with some of it to a KS1 class, but not with grown adults.

I just can't see how I am going to put it across without sounding cynical or patronising. Also, some of the people attending know me well and know my views on that sort of stuff. They may be openly incredulous...

I have found my people!
I often look at people doing things like highway maintenance, building work or other trade-type work, childcare/education/nursing/care work and think to myself how good it would be to do a job that is directly useful and essential to someone. It's probably wishful thinking because I'm sure those jobs have their own bullshit too.

@lidoshuffle

Four years ago my useless manager somehow omitted me off the list of people to whom he had to give an annual appraisal. As there were no targets to review the following year, he forgot again, and so it has gone on.

In all that time, he, my HoD, my director or HR have not noticed, despite all the wankiness spouted about how important the appraisal process is.

That sounds ideal

I asked my boss what the company does.
My boss sounded a bit embarrassed to admit to also not knowing.

@Gingerlilly

I work in PR and we are always ‘delighted’ to announce that someone has taken a new post, launched a new something, passed a new thing. It’s ridiculous- you are really only ever actually’ delighted’ if you have given birth to a baby, got married to the man of your dreams or won the lottery, not really if someone new is starting as your catering manager. Urrgh - I’m in the wrong job.

I'm also in PR - my most overused adjective is definitely 'major'. A major new deal! A major initiative!

I'm on maternity leave at the moment but back soon. Not looking forwards to the daily teams meeting "round the table" where we have to say what we're doing, erm nothing much I've been off for 11 months and I've forgotten everything or the whole faculty "town hall" meetings

@LadyWhistledownsPen

I'm on maternity leave at the moment but back soon. Not looking forwards to the daily teams meeting "round the table" where we have to say what we're doing, erm nothing much I've been off for 11 months and I've forgotten everything or the whole faculty "town hall" meetings

I have posted on her before about fucking "Town Hall" meetings. Was there ever a better example of a wanky piece of shit jargon? I asked several people including the originators of the invitation what in the name of fuck a "Town Hall" meeting was supposed to be. No-one knew - it's just another example of a meaningless phrase that loads of people use when no-one knows what it means. What the fuck was wrong with "meeting" exactly?

In a previous job, meetings were greatly improved by bingo cards of buzz words and phrases which a group of us concocted.

Golden thread, going forward, non-negotiables, optimise, on the front foot, core values, incentivise...

Also (beloved of individual team members), I'm not being difficult, but; No offence, but; You are missing the point; When I worked in X...

As well as marking off when the phrases were used in a meeting, you got extra points if you could introduce the phrase yourself without the management spotting it, or your bingo-playing colleagues sniggering, and even more if you managed to prompt someone to use one of the phrases eg. 'I don't really see a clesr connection between those initiatives?' 'Well, the golden thread...'

BINGO!

@Scarby9

In a previous job, meetings were greatly improved by bingo cards of buzz words and phrases which a group of us concocted.

Golden thread, going forward, non-negotiables, optimise, on the front foot, core values, incentivise...

Also (beloved of individual team members), I'm not being difficult, but; No offence, but; You are missing the point; When I worked in X...

As well as marking off when the phrases were used in a meeting, you got extra points if you could introduce the phrase yourself without the management spotting it, or your bingo-playing colleagues sniggering, and even more if you managed to prompt someone to use one of the phrases eg. 'I don't really see a clesr connection between those initiatives?' 'Well, the golden thread...'

BINGO!

I wish I worked with you :)

But how did you signal BINGO? I would probably get overexcited and just yell it in the middle of someone's monologue about our "direction of travel".

Thankfully very little, and working from home means you can just listen/switch off to any corporate speak on the rare occasions it happens. I am blessed to work as part of a team that don't have terrible internal disagreements, don't back stab, and are grounded in the real world.

I would feel the same as the OP were I in her place though.

@LadyWhistledownsPen @DynamoKev we have Town Hall meetings too and being so very lucky, because my job spans all the different sectors of the business I get to attend all of them. Yay!

As well as marking off when the phrases were used in a meeting, you got extra points if you could introduce the phrase yourself without the management spotting it,

A former colleague of mine used to get the word "focus" in as often as possible in meetings with our narcissistic, micro-managing boss. She said it stood for "Fuck Off, beCause yoU're Stupid".

[quote HalfShrunkMoreToGo]**@LadyWhistledownsPen* @DynamoKev* we have Town Hall meetings too and being so very lucky, because my job spans all the different sectors of the business I get to attend all of them. Yay![/quote]
Noooooooo

We play a game like scrabble.You introduce pre-agreed random words into your weekly Teams report to earn points.

Gob smacked -1 point
Perplexed - 2 points
Alacrity - 5 points.

No one’s managed 10 for Appalachian 😀

Diversity bollocks, various initiatives (usually abound with acronyms) that someone is resting their partnership hopes on oblivious to everyone’s need for a lunch break.

I often feel like a little ant, scurrying around, trying to things for, with and to other little ants. None of it means anything, but everyone takes it so seriously, but not seriously enough to actually make anything solid, worthwhile.

And nature carries on, physics carries on, the universe(S) carry on.

Ad each day I wake up and do my ant stuff.

Listening to upper-level management talk about poor performance when they know the working conditions are so shit and they expect miracles. People are leaving or going off long term sick because it's gotten so bad. We are talked down to by management and are spoken to like dirt by the people we try to help. Aggression and violence have increased massively.

If I have to hear about “engagement” and “working together as a team” and “ensuring team wellbeing” etc etc one more time 🙄😴

All of this, whilst at the same time watching said business repeatedly cost cutting every year and making people redundant

Plus the constant flow of Microsoft Teams meetings I’m forced to endure that quite often I zone out of and therefore have no idea what was just said

Patronising rubbish

I have to fake my enthusiasm for my new Manager and pretend I am really excited to be working with her when all I want is to have my old brilliant Manager back. Am trying to like the new one but it is hard work.

The integrity of senior managers!!

My colleagues are either a) reaching out, or b) pushing back

I am introducing c) the hokey cokey

😂 😂

Corporate wankery speak... Who on earth is responsible for this reaching out, touching base, buttoning off, boxing off bullshit?

I feel so much better for reading this thread!!! Looks like the same old bollocks is everywhere !!

Brilliant post.

I’ve had to sit through values and ethics, from a bunch of criminals.

I’ve had to have racial awareness training, even though i’ve recruited 75% BAME’s and at times, ive been the only white person.

I’ve had to go into court and defend my actions, when i caught someone stealing from the company so we sacked them.

But the worst was being escorted from the building after 18 years, no card, no leaving do, so the CEO could give his mate my job.

When i hear values & ethics i think it’s aspirational, but unreachable for many, given just how much sharp practice i’ve seen over the years.