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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp night out, I don't want him to go

376 replies

Summerdaysx · 29/06/2021 21:33

NC for this as I am a regular poster.

Dp has a night out planned for Saturday.

A few things are bugging me,

We have so much extra to pay for this month and just simply cannot afford it.

His friends are all talking about "getting the pussy" "going to lap dancing clubs".

He will be out until god knows what time and expect me to pick him up, I have a child.

Now I am in no way going to tell him "he's not going"

But what can I do? He will still go anyway no matter what I say!

I wish he would have to isolate for 10 days .

I simply cannot be bothered with all the arguing about it.

He will just say we will get by with money "we always do". He honestly has an answer for everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerdaysx · 30/06/2021 22:53

Also thanks to all for the supportive comments Thanks

OP posts:
KurtWilde · 30/06/2021 23:04

Are you ok OP?

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 30/06/2021 23:11

@KurtWilde I feel heartbroken. I feel physically sick. But nothing I can do. Thank you

OP posts:
LakieLady · 30/06/2021 23:21

He's being childish and pathetic.

He sounds as though he has some really unpleasant attitudes and is irresponsible when it comes to money. He's either having a flounce to teach you a lesson or he's giving himself free rein to behave badly with his mates.

I know it hurts, but he's shown you who he is: a puerile, manipulative fool with no regard for his family. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who can behave like this? What kind of example is this to your child?

Get your ducks in a row, as they say. Start a Universal Credit claim and change the locks.

Ohhyeahright · 30/06/2021 23:21

I’m so
Sorry op. He sounds like a (disgusting) man child.

Liveandforget · 30/06/2021 23:32

@Summerdaysx

Do you mean he's left YOU? As in ended the relationship??! Sorry, I'm just trying to get my head round this. I can't even begin to imagine what you feel like.

Once the night out is over, I bet he'll come crawling back all sheepish. Please don't take him back, he's an irresponsible man child.

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 30/06/2021 23:35

@Liveandforget yes he has left me, left the relationship.

I am heartbroken

OP posts:
Liveandforget · 30/06/2021 23:43

So, so sorry to hear that.

Please do apply for whatever benefits you may be entitled to, single parent supplement, and council tax discount for single occupancy as well child maintenance. Get yourself financially sorted, that'll be one thing less to worry about. I was so so anxious when exh left, about coping, and getting my finances sorted, applying for benefits was a major turning point in taking control. You can get through this. Sending you strength.

Caiti19 · 30/06/2021 23:46

How old is DP?

He will attempt to return to you after his night out on Saturday.

Keeping2ChevronsApart · 01/07/2021 00:00

@Caiti19

How old is DP?

He will attempt to return to you after his night out on Saturday.

So true, he has no intention of leaving you. He now has a free pass to do as he likes as he's 'single'
QueenBee52 · 01/07/2021 00:03

I hope you are okay... he had Jack the Lad written all over him judging by your postings 🌸

CheddarGorge · 01/07/2021 00:05

@Caiti19

How old is DP?

He will attempt to return to you after his night out on Saturday.

This is exactly what I was going to say too.
yacketyyak · 01/07/2021 01:06

Op I'm so sorry this is happening. As you said his night out better be worth it! Fucking asshole.

Icanflyhigh · 01/07/2021 01:15

Op this is awful. If this is his reaction to you trying to adult and prioritise money, you're better off without him x

lemmein · 01/07/2021 01:33

Eurgh my DD was with someone like this - he'd walk out then come back on Sunday evening after he'd spent his weeks wages on booze (and coke 🙄)

If you share a bank account (or he has access to yours) make sure he can't clean it out. No doubt he'll come skulking back when he runs out of cash - one day, probably not now, but one day you won't give him that option anymore. I hope that day comes soon OP.

Leshan · 01/07/2021 04:08

Leave him go.
He can take all his stuff with him too and live elsewhere.
He and his mate are vile.

Stillfunny · 01/07/2021 05:02

What. A.Prick

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/07/2021 05:10

Well, if he was going out to spend money you don't have on an activity that is abhorrent and then was expecting to be picked up and he won't brook any disagreement - then what are you hoping for?

I'd tell him straight out that I wouldn't be picking him up, and think he's a repulsive specimen for prioritising his jollies over his family.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/07/2021 05:14

Oh dear - I really should have read all your messages before commenting.
Seems he IS that repulsive specimen who prioritises his jollies over his family :(

SO sorry, @Summerdaysx - but if this is how he wants to behave, I'm not sure he's much of a keeper.

Decide now that he's made his choice and that, even if he does come crawling back after Saturday, he's not worth it.

I KNOW your heart is broken (been there, done that) but I promise it gets better. Focus on you and your DC and doing what's best for you all.

Drovememad · 01/07/2021 05:30

He will try to come back, don't let him!

SpeakingFranglais · 01/07/2021 05:40

Yeh he will come crawling back after the night out and he doesn’t have to face up to what a prick he’s being.

Don’t have him back.

SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy · 01/07/2021 05:44

I can cast iron guarantee he will come snivelling back. This was just his way of getting to go, and getting you to beg for him.

Please don’t fall for it. Flowers

Atalune · 01/07/2021 05:49

Christ what a Manipulative bastard.

Do not let him in.

Itsprobablynotcominghome · 01/07/2021 06:35

If he comes back Sunday lunchtime, what you going to do?

Because at this point I cannot see how much more disrespectful he could be. Perhaps having cheated and demanding Sunday lunch I guess.

Lex345 · 01/07/2021 06:36

You deserve better.
He has thrown a tantrum and flounced. I agree with PPs he will attempt to come back after his night out (AKA got his own way). Do not allow him back. If you do, you are reinforcing he can do whatever he likes regardless of how you feel.
I don't know how old he and his mates are, but this sounds to me like a bunch of slightly over the hill desperados thinking they are the dog's danglies and will command the attention and adoration of all the women they deign to try it on with. It is arrogant, lecherous and unbelievably immature. With this attitude though, I hardly think they will have much success. I remember in my late teens/early twenties on nights out, there was always THAT table of middle aged losers thinking they were owed something by every woman in the room.

I understand you must be hurt and he is an absolute wanker to do this. But you really are worth so much more-by playing games and flouncing off, he has done you a favour and saved you the inconvenience of trying to shoe horn him out of the house later.
All men do not behave like this.