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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him clean it up

470 replies

justawrinkleintime · 29/06/2021 13:24

I probably was but it was pissing me off.

I have three sons and all have been trained that when you’re peeing you aim for the toilet and if you miss them you clean it up. I leave an antibac spray next to the loo and since the age of about 5ish they’ve been taught to spray the antibac and on their own mess and wipe it up. Tbh it stopped them making a mess pretty quickly.

Anyway, my DS9’s friend is over a lot and pisses all over the loo and often the floor as well. I put it down to being in a rush and wanting to get back to playing etc.

I’d cleaned the bathroom this morning and ds’s friend proceeded to piss all over the toilet seat and on the floor. Literally minutes after I’d cleaned it - he was the first one to use it post cleaning.

I took him in and gave him the antibac and told him to wipe it up and clean it himself. He’s also 9 as well btw.

I was nice about it and said we don’t leave the toilet in that state in this house when we use it.

He went home about 15 min ago and his mum messaged me to say she’s appalled I made him clean it.

I’ve responded politely to say “it’s a shame you’re upset but I’m not cleaning up urine of someone old enough to know how to use a toilet properly...”

I’ve been unreasonable, haven’t i?

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 29/06/2021 16:50

OP Is this what they call facial rejuvenation ?

Anordinarymum · 29/06/2021 16:51

Something gone wrong here.. I posted that on another thread ??

CaptSkippy · 29/06/2021 16:53

You are my hero, OP.

I can't believe there are still parents out their who raise their sons to be a bunch of slobs. How will his future partner take him pissing everywhere but the toilet bowl? He'll still be living with his folks at 40 because they never bothered to teach him to clean up after himself.

SunshineCake · 29/06/2021 16:57

@Yesyoucantell

Ok, I'm going to go against the mob and say YABU.

It's not your job to parent him, you should have had a word with his parents and asked them to sort it out.

How embarrassing for the poor child.

He's just a little boy not a grown man.

Of course he needs to learn but it's not down to you.

Just think how you made that poor boy feel.

Given how parents don't parent when it is down to them I think the OP has done the kids and his parents a favour.
Pipsquiggle · 29/06/2021 17:04

My son is not hitting the loo target, he is also. I have told him time and again that this is not acceptable and make him clear it up. I have also said 'What would you do if someone invited you around for tea?'

Please can you invite my son around for tea

Pipsquiggle · 29/06/2021 17:04

*he is also 9

LuaDipa · 29/06/2021 17:08

You are my hero, OP.

Yep.

If this was my ds at that age I would have been mortified. He’s not the most housetrained but even at 9 yo he knew not to leave the loo in a state for the next person.

KatharinaRosalie · 29/06/2021 17:14

So the boy was not mortified leaving his piss all over, but is suddenly mortified when it is pointed out to him that he pissed all over? Are you saying you believe he didn't notice? Doesn't sound like that from OP's post.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/06/2021 17:22

YANBU at all. Good life lesson.

As for boys struggling to pee in the bowl, it’s recommended to make some kind of target inside the bowl. Eg tying a ping pong ball to the seat with wire so it dangles in the bowl etc. Or buy target stickers.

Original poster
justawrinkleintime · 29/06/2021 17:23

Sorry!! Been working and the kids have been in this afternoon.

I am indeed in Scotland where the schools finished up last week.

I use a scent less antibac spray and we showed them from roughly age 5 to spray it and use toilet paper to wipe it up and then flush it away.

I was very nice to DS’s friend when I explained it’s now how the toilet is left after use.

The mum responded again to say I shouldn’t have made him clean it. Just responded again to say any time he’s here he’ll follow the rules of this house and that includes using the toilet in a civilised manner and cleaning up his messes.

I don’t imagine he’ll be back anytime soon Hmm which is a shame but DS has plenty of friends.

OP posts:
Leah2005 · 29/06/2021 17:26

I'd have been tempted to ask who she thought should clean it up then.

TheGlassBlowersDaughter · 29/06/2021 17:29

I wouldn't ask a child to clean a toilet seat (presumably without rubber gloves) in the middle of a pandemic. And I wouldn't jeopardise one of my DCs' friendships like that either.
Ultimately 'toiletgate' is an issue between your style of parenting and the other parents - but it's the DCs who will bear the fall-out from it. I try not to create unnecessary issues with other parents and DCs that my DC are friends with. Friendships can be difficult enough without creating flashpoints. pun intended

bigbluecup · 29/06/2021 17:31

The mum responded again to say I shouldn’t have made him clean it

Of course you should have. He should clean up after himself or maybe his mother should supervise him at all times and do it herself.

Who cleans up after him at school or when he’s on a day out? Absolutely disgusting and she’s failing to raise her own child right

My mother’s husband is in his 70’s and he leaves the toilet for my mum to clean. It’s disgusting and not a chance any child of mine will be raised like that

Topseyt · 29/06/2021 17:32

Your responses to the child’s mother are perfect. Keep it up. You have been completely clear that it is his OWN piss that he was made to wipe up and that’s fine.

I wonder if he gave his mum an over-elaborated and fanciful version of what happened and told her that you had forced him to clean up your entire family’s shit? The silly woman probably believed him if he did.

babybythesea · 29/06/2021 17:33

@TheGlassBlowersDaughter

I wouldn't ask a child to clean a toilet seat (presumably without rubber gloves) in the middle of a pandemic. And I wouldn't jeopardise one of my DCs' friendships like that either. Ultimately 'toiletgate' is an issue between your style of parenting and the other parents - but it's the DCs who will bear the fall-out from it. I try not to create unnecessary issues with other parents and DCs that my DC are friends with. Friendships can be difficult enough without creating flashpoints. pun intended
But it’s his own wee, not anyone else’s. In fact, if you want to go down the pandemic route, he is absolutely the person who should be cleaning it up, lest others catch something from him!!
oakleaffy · 29/06/2021 17:35

Well done!
At 9 he should learn how to aim- or be circumcised that stops all the stray jets - so circumcised men have told me-

Unforgivable to be pissing over a bathroom at his age.

TheGlassBlowersDaughter · 29/06/2021 17:35

Statistically it's likely he wiped other's wee too. And I'd expect an adult to be wearing rubber gloves before they cleaned a toilet. The DC wasn't wearing gloves.

CarnationCat · 29/06/2021 17:37

Well done. You have not been unreasonable. The boy's mother is raising him to be a slob.

She probably just puts up with the mess and cleans it herself. He'll definitely struggle in life with hygiene and lack of manners if his parents allow this. The amount of posts on here about people partner's dire hygiene standards. He'll become one of these men.

I think she may be embarrassed you said it which is why she's gone on the defensive. If I was her, I would take it as a kick up the backside to teach my child respect and toilet hygiene.

Viviennemary · 29/06/2021 17:38

You've been horrible. I wouldn't allow my child in your house again.

babybythesea · 29/06/2021 17:39

I’m a TA who had to clean a toilet today after some seven year olds peed everywhere. We’ve had to organise our toilets so that instead of boys and girls we have a mixed loo for each class (keeping bubbles separate). The girls couldn’t use the toilet because the boys had weed on the seat. If this lad behaves like this at school it is unpleasant for other kids. If his mum thinks it is not fair that he cleans it then she needs to teach him not to wee on the seat in the first place, or it is not nice for anyone else who follows him in. (I’d have done the same to the culprit at school but couldn’t identify them so I had to do it. I’ve got better things to be doing...)

Lweji · 29/06/2021 17:39

@TheGlassBlowersDaughter

Statistically it's likely he wiped other's wee too. And I'd expect an adult to be wearing rubber gloves before they cleaned a toilet. The DC wasn't wearing gloves.
I’d cleaned the bathroom this morning and ds’s friend proceeded to piss all over the toilet seat and on the floor. Literally minutes after I’d cleaned it - he was the first one to use it post cleaning.

Statistically, if he was the only user post-cleaning, then he has a 100% chance that he only cleaned his own pee. He doesn't need gloves for his own wee.

Lweji · 29/06/2021 17:39

@Viviennemary

You've been horrible. I wouldn't allow my child in your house again.
Win-win for the OP, then.
Brefugee · 29/06/2021 17:39

that's only a problem if you're not in, say, a bathroom which are typically equipped with soap and hot water to wash your hands immediately after you've cleaned the urine.

It's not as though he had to wait 3 hours and eat his dinner in between the two events. It's not as if OP was asking him to clean right round the rim. With his tongue.

So what would you have done, @TheGlassBlowersDaughter? Cleaned it yourself? that sends just the right sort of message

(I wear rubber gloves because i don't like the feeling of my hands after using cleaning products.)

babybythesea · 29/06/2021 17:40

@TheGlassBlowersDaughter

Statistically it's likely he wiped other's wee too. And I'd expect an adult to be wearing rubber gloves before they cleaned a toilet. The DC wasn't wearing gloves.
But she said she had cleaned the bathroom minutes before, so no, it wasn’t likely he’d cleaned other peoples wee.
GabriellaMontez · 29/06/2021 17:40

You've done him a favour. I bet he's not at all phased. Just his Mum who thinks it's OK.