To make him clean it up

[justawrinkleintime]

I probably was but it was pissing me off.

I have three sons and all have been trained that when you’re peeing you aim for the toilet and if you miss them you clean it up. I leave an antibac spray next to the loo and since the age of about 5ish they’ve been taught to spray the antibac and on their own mess and wipe it up. Tbh it stopped them making a mess pretty quickly.

Anyway, my DS9’s friend is over a lot and pisses all over the loo and often the floor as well. I put it down to being in a rush and wanting to get back to playing etc.

I’d cleaned the bathroom this morning and ds’s friend proceeded to piss all over the toilet seat and on the floor. Literally minutes after I’d cleaned it - he was the first one to use it post cleaning.

I took him in and gave him the antibac and told him to wipe it up and clean it himself. He’s also 9 as well btw.

I was nice about it and said we don’t leave the toilet in that state in this house when we use it.

He went home about 15 min ago and his mum messaged me to say she’s appalled I made him clean it.

I’ve responded politely to say “it’s a shame you’re upset but I’m not cleaning up urine of someone old enough to know how to use a toilet properly...”

I’ve been unreasonable, haven’t i?

so you'd happily clean up the urine of a 9 year old who wasn't your child repeatedly?
What a weird interpretation of what I said. Maybe give it another read and try again?

It is actually a fair interpretation of "It's not your job to parent him, you should have had a word with his parents and asked them to sort it out." Because that would have left OP to clean up every time he went to the loo before the conversation with his parents, and quite possibly on subsequent visits if they don't pay attention to OP's requests, or if their son doesn't pay attention to them.

I can't believe people think you're unreasonable

If I was that mother I’d be mortified and texting to apologise that my son peed all over her toilet!

That other mum should have been ashamed that she’s not taught her son to clean up after himself. Well done you.

@Seesawmummadaw

We had to do the exact same with dd’s boyfriend (he was 21!). I got so fed up with it!

You did the right thing op!

See this is what happens when they are allowed to pee all over the toilet and floor and the toilet fairy magically cleans it up for them. They never learn and just continue into adulthood like the above. Totally grim really.

I think you possibly could have said something before he went in - ‘please could you pee carefully as I’ve just cleaned the toilet’. I can imagine he is feeling pretty humiliated now if I’m honest

Imagine what their bathroom at home smells like 🤮🤮🤮

He's 9 so should know how to use the toilet.

That being said when I met DP when he was 18 and stayed over at mine he pissed on the seat and floor. I promptly gave him stuff to clear it up and ten years later he doesn't make a mess..

Power to you, OP.

I don't put up with it in my house either.

@Holly60

I think you possibly could have said something before he went in - ‘please could you pee carefully as I’ve just cleaned the toilet’. I can imagine he is feeling pretty humiliated now if I’m honest

I'd be embarrassed too if I'd got to the age of 9 without knowing how to use a toilet properly. Doubtless he'll get over it. As a PP said it's not like she rubbed his nose in it. I remember my mum just a few years ago asking a friend to pick up the cigarette butts he'd chucked into the flowerbeds! Do you think he's humiliated too? It's a pretty standard thing if someone is making the place horrid and they're able to clean it up, to stop them and ask them to clean it.

How the hell is it humiliating?? He knew it was there. He wasn't humiliated that he had an accident. Unless we're expecting a huge drip-feed where find out the kid is blind, he knew he'd pissed everywhere.

If cleaning piss is so humiliatingwhy should it be the OP's job? He can treat his mother like a skivvy not everyone woman needs to be his slave. Far better he get mildly embarrassed and learn his lesson at 9 than at 14 at a girlfriend's house.

Wow and her child is so entitled he actually think he needed to tell on you to his mother for not cleaning up his piss. Id be directly my child towards new friends....

If this were me ( and I have had boys - now grown up) I would have walked into the room where they were all sitting and complained loudly that I object to cleaning their pee up and being graphic about the mess so they all knew what had happened and the offender would know and not to do it again.

Next time he did it I would tell him we don't do that in this house.

I wouldn't have made him clean it up though. That's a boundary I would not cross.

If the lad does it at home and never gets pulled on it, how would he know what he has done wrong until someone tells him ?

Yawn

How the hell is it humiliating?? He knew it was there. He wasn't humiliated that he had an accident. Unless we're expecting a huge drip-feed where find out the kid is blind, he knew he'd pissed everywhere.

It laziness and it’s rude.
A nine year old should be able to cope with taking a piece of loo roll and wiping the seat.
The trouble is, some children are not expected to clean up after themselves. Mummy does it.
Pointing it out isn’t ‘humiliating’ them. It’s reminding them to use their manners. Especially in someone else’s house.

@Imasoulman

Shouldn't they all be in school?

This one...

@sassbott

Not remotely unreasonable.

My DS’s each had a friend over to watch the footie. The best friend (11) of my youngest used the toilet and evidently left it in a state (unflushed and urine on floor). My eldest boy went in, saw the toilet, called said child into the toilet, made him clean it up and told him it was rude to leave a toilet in that state for others to use.

If said child’s mother had texted me after I would have let my eldest child respond

Good for him.

This thread reminds me of this oldie...

DISGASTING!

Good for you. I can't help thinking his mum appears to be training him to think the rest of the world is there to just run round after him....(I'm assuming no special needs or anything.)

I'm constantly calling mine back to flush or clean up. One day it will stick

Yanbu op

Well done Op !!!

Interested to see so many people just let their kids spray around antibac stuff. That stuff is brutal to my hands and no way would I be encouraging a 9 year old to use it without gloves. OP I think you are unreasonable for not wiping up wee with a bit of toilet paper or a normal cloth without all the bloody chemicals.

If the lad does it at home and never gets pulled on it, how would he know what he has done wrong until someone tells him?

He knows now because OP has (quite rightly) told him it is wrong. If he is humiliated then that is 100% his parents’ fault for not having taught him to a) use the toilet properly and b) to clean up if you do accidentally make a mess. We always called it leaving the toilet as you would wish to find it. They haven’t taught him that basic lesson.

OP was not at all unreasonable, and it is something this boy won’t forget in a hurry.

@NotSoLongGoodbye

I didnt say that. Dont think anyone else really did. We just make our kids clean up after themselves. The OP makes them use anti bac spray. Most people probably just clean the seat with toilet roll. We use cheeky wipes so my kids would just take the wet wipe and clean the seat, then dry it with a dry wipe.
If they need a cleaning product, we use Method and they dont seem too bad on my hands so I wouldnt be worrying. But my kids clean the bathroom once a week so I really dont think a kid having to use a cleaning spray is something to pearl clutch over.

@Topseyt

If the lad does it at home and never gets pulled on it, how would he know what he has done wrong until someone tells him?

He knows now because OP has (quite rightly) told him it is wrong. If he is humiliated then that is 100% his parents’ fault for not having taught him to a) use the toilet properly and b) to clean up if you do accidentally make a mess. We always called it leaving the toilet as you would wish to find it. They haven’t taught him that basic lesson.

OP was not at all unreasonable, and it is something this boy won’t forget in a hurry.

That's your opinion. I never said she was but that I wouldn't have dealt with it that way is all. Just another perspective on one of the world's major problems......... men :(