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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him clean it up

470 replies

justawrinkleintime · 29/06/2021 13:24

I probably was but it was pissing me off.

I have three sons and all have been trained that when you’re peeing you aim for the toilet and if you miss them you clean it up. I leave an antibac spray next to the loo and since the age of about 5ish they’ve been taught to spray the antibac and on their own mess and wipe it up. Tbh it stopped them making a mess pretty quickly.

Anyway, my DS9’s friend is over a lot and pisses all over the loo and often the floor as well. I put it down to being in a rush and wanting to get back to playing etc.

I’d cleaned the bathroom this morning and ds’s friend proceeded to piss all over the toilet seat and on the floor. Literally minutes after I’d cleaned it - he was the first one to use it post cleaning.

I took him in and gave him the antibac and told him to wipe it up and clean it himself. He’s also 9 as well btw.

I was nice about it and said we don’t leave the toilet in that state in this house when we use it.

He went home about 15 min ago and his mum messaged me to say she’s appalled I made him clean it.

I’ve responded politely to say “it’s a shame you’re upset but I’m not cleaning up urine of someone old enough to know how to use a toilet properly...”

I’ve been unreasonable, haven’t i?

OP posts:
memberofthewedding · 29/06/2021 17:40

Who invented the rule that you cant tell off other peoples kids? My house, my rules.

babybythesea · 29/06/2021 17:43

@Viviennemary

You've been horrible. I wouldn't allow my child in your house again.
If you teach your children that it is ok to go and wee where they like in someone else’s house, and walk off expecting someone else to clean up after them, they may not get many more invites anyway...
mam0918 · 29/06/2021 17:44

Men/Boys are gross... I wish they would sit down to pee.

More so than the aim and floor issue (which I suffer from with DS and DH) is that he pee'd on the seat. I mean who hasnt taught their 9 year old to lift the seat? thats just straight up bad manners.

Mamanyt · 29/06/2021 17:44

Good for you! Not only were you not unreasonable, but you were absolutely in the right. A nine-year-old is perfectly capable of cleaning up after himself. So is a five-year-old, for that matter. Mine did at that age.

I feel rather sorry for that child's mother, to think that such behavior is normal, and that she SHOULD clean up his messes! He is, literally, half-grown and should be able to aim at that age!

CanofCant · 29/06/2021 17:44

Very late to the party here but just another echoing that no, you were not in the slightest bit unreasonable! I would have been so embarrassed of my child, apologetic and grateful that you had dealt with it in such a helpful way if I had been her.

CrotchetyQuaver · 29/06/2021 17:45

YADNBU. I dread to think what her toilets are like if he does this at home. If it been my child that did this, I would have told him he shouldn't have left the mess in the first place, not sending complaining messages. Some people are weird 🤷🏼‍♀️

Coyoacan · 29/06/2021 17:47

I can't believe people think you're unreasonable

Unfortunately there are people like that. Many years ago three young boys smashed the glass in my front door and I chased after them and caught. His mother was furious with me.

It's sad but true that no-one is ever going to dare tell these mothers when their boys start indulging in dangerous activities.

Topseyt · 29/06/2021 17:50

@Viviennemary

You've been horrible. I wouldn't allow my child in your house again.
I wouldn’t want your child in my house again if they couldn’t use the toilet properly and left piss all over the seat and bathroom floor. So you’d be doing me a big favour there.
ConstanceGracy · 29/06/2021 17:52

Yanbu

buckeejit · 29/06/2021 17:52

Yanbu. If it was a one time visit I'd clean it but if they're there regularly & you know them well enough, then of course they should clean it.

Can't believe the mum had the audacity to message you. I'd be so embarrassed if I know my ds had done that at a friends house

Melitza · 29/06/2021 17:52

So presumably the boys dm has no problem with you ringing for her to come over and clean up after her precious dc.

skodadoda · 29/06/2021 18:01

@memberofthewedding

Who invented the rule that you cant tell off other peoples kids? My house, my rules.
Too right!
Viviennemary · 29/06/2021 18:04

I thought OP handled it badly. Not that the child was right to wee everywhere.

TotorosCatBus · 29/06/2021 18:06

It's not your job to parent him, you should have had a word with his parents and asked them to sort it out.

His mum thinks it's ok that he pissed everywhere and didn't clean up after himself so telling his mum is hardly going to lead to him taking more care in future.

Lollypop701 · 29/06/2021 18:07

@Viviennemary what should she have done?

TotorosCatBus · 29/06/2021 18:07

Who invented the rule that you cant tell off other peoples kids?

It didn't even need a telling off. Most kids would respond to another mum gently asking that they wipe up their wee from the floor and toilet seat.

toocold54 · 29/06/2021 18:08

I don’t have a DS so luckily don’t have to deal with this issue but if my 9 year DD leaked on her period on the bed, sofa etc then I’d be annoyed that you made her clean it up. If it was someone else’s 9 year old at mine I would clean it up but have a quiet word with them or my child so my child can act like they’ve seen it and tells them to clean it up.
Yes they should clean up after themselves but I feel this is purely just to embarrass them for something they obviously can’t help.

Sparklfairy · 29/06/2021 18:08

All I can say is high fucking five Grin

BarbarianMum · 29/06/2021 18:09

She didnt "tell him off". She asked him nicely to clean up after himself and showed him how.

Not that I think its necessarily wrong to tell off a child in your care but that wasnt what happened here.

Youmakemewannashout · 29/06/2021 18:10

Send a message back to the boys mother and suggest she drops a ping pong ball down her loo so that her son has something to aim at !
I used this trick to help my son when he was learning to use the loo and it worked a treat....the ping pong ball never flushes away and makes aiming properly much more fun .😁

emzyemzy · 29/06/2021 18:10

A period leakage is a very different matter though, we've probably all had leaks and very few will have been through poor aim or just disregard, vast difference I feel

TotorosCatBus · 29/06/2021 18:11

@toocold54

I don’t have a DS so luckily don’t have to deal with this issue but if my 9 year DD leaked on her period on the bed, sofa etc then I’d be annoyed that you made her clean it up. If it was someone else’s 9 year old at mine I would clean it up but have a quiet word with them or my child so my child can act like they’ve seen it and tells them to clean it up. Yes they should clean up after themselves but I feel this is purely just to embarrass them for something they obviously can’t help.
This is not the same as leaking period blood accidentally.

The boy consciously went to the loo to wee. He was in control of the act. Leaking period blood is not a conscious act.

BingBongToTheMoon · 29/06/2021 18:13

The manky wee midden!

NewlyGranny · 29/06/2021 18:13

Have you tried asking her who she thinks should wipe up her DS's peepee from your clean toilet and floor?

Dutch1e · 29/06/2021 18:14

if my 9 year DD leaked on her period on the bed, sofa etc then I’d be annoyed that you made her clean it up.

Not quite the same thing is it.