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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him clean it up

470 replies

justawrinkleintime · 29/06/2021 13:24

I probably was but it was pissing me off.

I have three sons and all have been trained that when you’re peeing you aim for the toilet and if you miss them you clean it up. I leave an antibac spray next to the loo and since the age of about 5ish they’ve been taught to spray the antibac and on their own mess and wipe it up. Tbh it stopped them making a mess pretty quickly.

Anyway, my DS9’s friend is over a lot and pisses all over the loo and often the floor as well. I put it down to being in a rush and wanting to get back to playing etc.

I’d cleaned the bathroom this morning and ds’s friend proceeded to piss all over the toilet seat and on the floor. Literally minutes after I’d cleaned it - he was the first one to use it post cleaning.

I took him in and gave him the antibac and told him to wipe it up and clean it himself. He’s also 9 as well btw.

I was nice about it and said we don’t leave the toilet in that state in this house when we use it.

He went home about 15 min ago and his mum messaged me to say she’s appalled I made him clean it.

I’ve responded politely to say “it’s a shame you’re upset but I’m not cleaning up urine of someone old enough to know how to use a toilet properly...”

I’ve been unreasonable, haven’t i?

OP posts:
LouLou789 · 29/06/2021 15:42

YANBU. Why should you clean up his mess? He’s not 2. And it’s the rule in your house, same as (say) taking shoes off or washing hands before food.

I had two boys. If there was ever any wee on the seat or floor each used to blame the other. My rule was if I found any, they both lost their pocket money for the week. It stopped immediately.

Streamside · 29/06/2021 15:43

What a silly woman to follow this up with you.She should have thanked you.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 29/06/2021 15:44

This reminds me of when my stepson (aged 12 at the time, a couple of years ago) came out of the loo after 'laying a log' and said to me (not his dad, you will note) that I might want to go and clean the toilet as it's a bit messy. You can imagine my response, and you can also imagine that he now cleans up his own skid marks.

Fiddliestofsticks · 29/06/2021 15:49

Not unreasonable at all. This is how I parent. If their friends are round, I treat them the same as my own with the same expectations. If more parents made a bloody effort, then fewer kids would behave like feral animals.

Maggiesfarm · 29/06/2021 15:50

You were absolutely right.

Notaroadrunner · 29/06/2021 15:51

YANBU. The mother was ridiculous texting you. Good on you for texting back.

BumCat · 29/06/2021 15:51

Noooooo! YANBU! If I was her I’d be so embarrassed. Weird reaction.

Bibidy · 29/06/2021 15:55

@sillysmiles

To all the people who think the OP should have brought it up with the boys mother - do you never correct your kids friends when they are in your house?
I actually think it's more awkward to bring it up with the mum!

If he had made a mess in any other sense he would have been asked to clear it up presumably?

I genuinely can see why he'd feel embarrassed and possibly upset, but his mum shouldn't be buying into that and should just tell him that's why he needs to be careful with his aim. This is something he actually does need to learn.

Wineat5isfine · 29/06/2021 15:56

You are definitely NOT BU!

When my son has male friends round (7-9 years old) and there are 3 / 4 of them, it’s like having a bloody puddle around the bottom of his toilet 😡

I’ve asked them to clean up (my son usually does), but it’s hard to get the rest of them to even wash their hands, let alone clean up after themselves!!

Go you!!

Lalliella · 29/06/2021 15:57

On a scale of 1 = unreasonable and 10 = reasonable you are about a 500! That’s disgusting that he treated your home like that and his mum is totally out of order.

Fiddliestofsticks · 29/06/2021 15:58

If he feels embarrassed and upset, then he should have cleaned it up so no one else saw it. If he was that bothered, then he would have cleaned it.

He isnt embarrassed. He is annoyed he was told off and made to clean up, because it seems like he isnt expected to clean up at home. Thats what I would be saying to the mother as well. She can run her house as she likes, but she cant run mine.

a1poshpaws · 29/06/2021 15:58

@Yesyoucantell "Ugh, I'm going to leave you all to your gloating now since you're clearly enjoying laying in to a child."

You're very precious aren't you? Nobody's been "laying in to a child". Posters have been expressing their views on said child's parenting and how gross it is that at 9 he still doesn't have toilet manners. The kid is hardly reading mumsnet ffs.

Also from the way the OP described things, she in no way spoke in such a style as to humiliate him; simply explained that in her house, everyone cleans up after "accidentally" making a mess.

Lweji · 29/06/2021 16:01

Of course you were not unreasonable.

I'd have been mortified if my son pissed all over someone else's toilet and I'd have apologised, not sent a twatty message about it.

You were too polite. I'd probably have replied that I was appalled he couldn't hit the inside of the toilet.

crazeelala2u · 29/06/2021 16:01

@justawrinkleintime

I probably was but it was pissing me off.

I have three sons and all have been trained that when you’re peeing you aim for the toilet and if you miss them you clean it up. I leave an antibac spray next to the loo and since the age of about 5ish they’ve been taught to spray the antibac and on their own mess and wipe it up. Tbh it stopped them making a mess pretty quickly.

Anyway, my DS9’s friend is over a lot and pisses all over the loo and often the floor as well. I put it down to being in a rush and wanting to get back to playing etc.

I’d cleaned the bathroom this morning and ds’s friend proceeded to piss all over the toilet seat and on the floor. Literally minutes after I’d cleaned it - he was the first one to use it post cleaning.

I took him in and gave him the antibac and told him to wipe it up and clean it himself. He’s also 9 as well btw.

I was nice about it and said we don’t leave the toilet in that state in this house when we use it.

He went home about 15 min ago and his mum messaged me to say she’s appalled I made him clean it.

I’ve responded politely to say “it’s a shame you’re upset but I’m not cleaning up urine of someone old enough to know how to use a toilet properly...”

I’ve been unreasonable, haven’t i?

You are brilliant and I wish I'd had thought of this when my son's friends came over when he was younger. So disgusting.
GrouchyKiwi · 29/06/2021 16:04

YANBU at all. Well done.

9 is plenty old enough to be able to aim properly and not make a mess all over someone else's bathroom.

TotorosCatBus · 29/06/2021 16:04

I've come back as a I knew there'd be some Yabu

It's not unreasonable to expect our 9 year old sons to clean up any mess that they make in the loo. His mum might be happy to clean his wee but people who use the loo after this boy shouldn't be confronted with his wee. This should be a reality check before his invitation to come round is rescinded and any boys at school notice that his toilet behaviour is gross.

A 9 year old doesn't need a demonstration on how to use a disposable wipe or loo roll and cleaning spray. It's not rocket science. Confused

MrsClatterbuck · 29/06/2021 16:05

@LookItsMeAgain

Nope - not unreasonable in the slightest. The mother who texted you saying she was appalled you made her son clean up his own piss...that's a whole other story... Why wasn't she appalled by her 9 year old pissing all over your toilet and bathroom floor??? Next time (and I think there will be a next time) - text her to come around and clean up after her son as she didn't like it when you asked him to clean up his own mess, so she must like doing it.
THIS
TotorosCatBus · 29/06/2021 16:05

If I was the other mum I'd be apologizing for the instances when you'd cleaned his pee in the past and telling my son to take more care

OzziePopPop · 29/06/2021 16:06

Honestly I’ve never had to clean up this sort of ‘accident’ for my husband or son, even when son was potty training! (He’s now 10 and is autistic). If my son can manage it surely most others without his disadvantages can?? I can’t imagine anyone over 5-6 years old finding this acceptable!

You’re absolutely not unreasonable!

intheenddoesitreallymatter · 29/06/2021 16:07

He may have been humiliated but he won't do it again.

At nine years old he knows you don't piss over someone else's toilet seat.

Well done OP, she clearly allows little lord Fauntleroy to do as he please.

Kotatsu · 29/06/2021 16:07

I have boys that age, and I march them back in and loudly complain if I find a drip on the seat (and it is because they're in a rush to get back to what they're doing and not paying proper attention). If they weed all over the floor they'd be cleaning the whole bathroom!!

If I heard from my child that their friend's mum had to ask them to clean up their urine from all over a toilet and floor I'd be livid - WITH THEM, and so apologetic to the mum, I'd be mortified that my child had made such a mess in someone else's house!

Disfordarkchocolate · 29/06/2021 16:08

Not unreasonable at all. The Mum has some cheek, she should be embarrassed he made a mess not that he was asked to clean it up.

Mrsmadevans · 29/06/2021 16:08

Nope you did her & him a huge favour , well done OP Flowers

VerticalHorizon · 29/06/2021 16:10

Perfectly reasonable.

Boomisshiss · 29/06/2021 16:16

If it’s as you didn’t embarrass him I see no problem. As long as your son cleans up himself when he is at her house too .