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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him clean it up

470 replies

justawrinkleintime · 29/06/2021 13:24

I probably was but it was pissing me off.

I have three sons and all have been trained that when you’re peeing you aim for the toilet and if you miss them you clean it up. I leave an antibac spray next to the loo and since the age of about 5ish they’ve been taught to spray the antibac and on their own mess and wipe it up. Tbh it stopped them making a mess pretty quickly.

Anyway, my DS9’s friend is over a lot and pisses all over the loo and often the floor as well. I put it down to being in a rush and wanting to get back to playing etc.

I’d cleaned the bathroom this morning and ds’s friend proceeded to piss all over the toilet seat and on the floor. Literally minutes after I’d cleaned it - he was the first one to use it post cleaning.

I took him in and gave him the antibac and told him to wipe it up and clean it himself. He’s also 9 as well btw.

I was nice about it and said we don’t leave the toilet in that state in this house when we use it.

He went home about 15 min ago and his mum messaged me to say she’s appalled I made him clean it.

I’ve responded politely to say “it’s a shame you’re upset but I’m not cleaning up urine of someone old enough to know how to use a toilet properly...”

I’ve been unreasonable, haven’t i?

OP posts:
TeardropsFallingOnHotSand · 30/06/2021 18:08

YANBU.....but.

The only reason two mum's are having a contraton over an issue on which they have common ground is because they have both spent too much time on Mumsnet. Your relationship with your keyboard is more important than social cohesion.

Milesbennettdyson · 30/06/2021 18:08

You are not being unreasonable and do not apologise.

Your house, your rules. I’d be embarrassed if my child did that, not messaging trying to reprimand.

Theunamedcat · 30/06/2021 18:09

My sons childminder made him help clean up after himself when he hosed the place he has sen so it was a dirty protest rather than poor aim but he learned fast

fussyhousewife · 30/06/2021 18:10

The mother of this 9 year old would be first to react if her son were not invited to other homes! I am in total agreement with LookitsMeAgain suggest to the Mother she come and clean up.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/06/2021 18:11

@bondgirl76

I have a really nice black granite floor..my husband and 2 sons regularly pee on the floor.It drives me mad...
Hopefully you don't clean it up for them?!
Lweji · 30/06/2021 18:11

Well, you’ve humiliated a child. OP!

I wasn't aware that the OP had told off the child loudly in front of the other children and made him clean it up while all the other children watched.

Oh, wait... she didn't. She just made him clean his own mess. Hmm

SunshineCake · 30/06/2021 18:11

@toocold54

I don’t have a DS so luckily don’t have to deal with this issue but if my 9 year DD leaked on her period on the bed, sofa etc then I’d be annoyed that you made her clean it up. If it was someone else’s 9 year old at mine I would clean it up but have a quiet word with them or my child so my child can act like they’ve seen it and tells them to clean it up. Yes they should clean up after themselves but I feel this is purely just to embarrass them for something they obviously can’t help.
This is not relevant. Pee on the seat or floor is easy to clean up. Period blood on the sofa or bed is not and definitely should not be left for the child to do.
Brefugee · 30/06/2021 18:12

OP lots of people complaining that you humiliated a child. Did you march over and use a loudhailer to tell everyone within a radius of 3 streets what the little git had done, or did you just go up to him and ask him to clean his mess?

Echo other pp: if his mother brings it up again, or if he comes over again and does it again definitely call her to come and fix it

JackieTheFart · 30/06/2021 18:12

@Temp023

Two questions for you:

  1. if the child is humiliated, so you think that’s because he was made to clean his own piss up or because he pissed all over the place and was called out on that?

  2. is it necessarily a bad thing to be ‘humiliated’ (actually a little embarrassed else I think his reaction would have been stronger at the time) if it means a child now understands the terrible bad manners it is to PISS ALL OVER THE FUCKING FLOOR?!?

I honestly despair. I mean, sure teach boys to sit to pee. Also teach them if they make a mess they should clean up after themselves? In any instance? I have three sons and would be mortified if any of them were asked to clean up in someone’s house - because my children are brought up with manners and respect for their own and other people’s homes. Shame others aren’t and their precious feelings of entitlement to other people’s time and effort are deemed more important.

amispeakingenglish · 30/06/2021 18:13

No you are not unreasonable, I would have told him from the first time.

Peppermintpatty24 · 30/06/2021 18:14

Er......let me think about this for a nano second.....NO! YANBU

amispeakingenglish · 30/06/2021 18:17

toocold54

I don’t have a DS so luckily don’t have to deal with this issue but if my 9 year DD leaked on her period on the bed, sofa etc then I’d be annoyed that you made her clean it up. If it was someone else’s 9 year old at mine I would clean it up but have a quiet word with them or my child so my child can act like they’ve seen it and tells them to clean it up.
Yes they should clean up after themselves but I feel this is purely just to embarrass them for something they obviously can’t help.

What???? This is not the same thing. A boy of 9 should NOT be peeing all over the floor. He is not a baby, he is consciously using the toilet, or attempting to. HIs parents should have taught him how to use a toilet by now and the OP is doing him and future girlfriends a favour!!! A girl having a blood leak is not a conscious thing.

Flatwhitetostayin · 30/06/2021 18:17

I'm not sure I would have said it, but If it has happened that many times I may have. But most importantly, I absolutely wouldn't have a problem if someone said this to my child at 9. And it sounds as if you said it in a fair way.

My children are 11 and 9, male and female and over the years, the most I've had to do is pick up a sheet of toilet paper that must've missed the toilet, and obviously do some flushing - but that's it.

Lovely13 · 30/06/2021 18:24

I don’t understand why males don’t always sit down to pee. Other than in a urinal obvs. They all miss at times. Maybe it feels more alpha! My ex was worst offender for missing the pan. Much worse than sons.

purplebunny2012 · 30/06/2021 18:26

Has he not been taught to lift the seat? Thats a bit woeful

Drovememad · 30/06/2021 18:28

Yes they should clean up after themselves but I feel this is purely just to embarrass them for something they obviously can’t help.

Can't help it??? GrinGrinGrin

ClaudiasWinkleMan · 30/06/2021 18:40

No you haven’t been unreasonable. His mother is. She’s raising a lazy shut who pisses on toilet seats. Your sons future flat mates/partners will absolutely love you for teaching them respect for others and to clean up after themselves. If every parent did this public toilets wouldn’t be so gross.

pam290358 · 30/06/2021 18:51

@Lorw. You’re making a rod for some poor future wife’s back !! This is how entitled males are made and marriages made to break down due to the selfishness/entitlement. You’re teaching your SS that it’s OK to treat women as lavatory attendants - that’s what he’s doing to you when you allow him to refuse to clean up his own mess, and his dad is doing the same thing by association. I’d be telling him that until he learns some manners - not to mention respect - he’ll have to either find a public loo or use a friends,’ because yours is out of bounds.

AdditionalCharacter · 30/06/2021 18:56

YANBU

As a mother who lives in a house of three boys and a husband, I'd be high fiving you for making my son do it.

Crummyfunnymummy · 30/06/2021 18:57

Absolutely not unreasonable at all! My exDH would piss all over the seat (couldn’t be bothered to lift) and the floor. I would regularly sit in his piss if it was dark and soak the bottoms of my PJs with the piss he had kindly left on the floor. He would stand and piss in the dark at night! Stand in the dark and aim for the best. It made me furious. I would beg him to please sit down if it’s dark (or turn the bloody light on so he could at least see/wipe it up!) but he said sitting was emasculating!!!!! I am trying to educate our DS to please sit down and have been trying for years. But then DH would say things like “he’s not a girl! Sitting is for girls!” So all my efforts were undone. I am fighting a losing battle because now my DS11 also pisses on the seat. I give him such a hard time and am really cross whenever I see what he’s done and I make him clean it up and tell him how inconsiderate and disgusting it is to make other people sit in his urine. He has ADHD so can be a bit thoughtless at times but essentially has a good heart and I know if my exDH had supported me he would totally get that sitting down is better. The problem is generational. My exFIL used to spray all over the bathroom like a dog marking territory! I would go into the bathroom and clean up every single time he used the loo. It was disgusting! I once tried to politely broach the subject of it being far better for men to sit but his response was that it would be emasculating (you can see where my exDH got his lovely attitude from) and that making men sit down would be almost akin to a woman having to have a mastectomy!!!!! I was bloody livid then and I still am now whenever I think of it!

MagicSummer · 30/06/2021 19:06

I went into my DH's bathroom today and was appalled. Not only were the lid and seat up, but there was urine all over the seat, the bowl was filthy, and there was some kind of dark dripping all over the pedestal. I don't use or clean his bathroom normally so was quite disgusted. What is the matter with males - do they have no thought about the females of the house not wanting to sit/see urine on the loo?

HowManyToes · 30/06/2021 19:08

@Imasoulman

Shouldn't they all be in school?
Other 👏 countries 👏 exist 👏
2021DNA · 30/06/2021 19:31

This thread has everything I’m on MN for. Angry texts, OP being told her son should be in school and arguments over toilet cleaning. The only thing it’s missing is a hand drawn diagram of the bathroom floor plan GrinGrin

LauraPearl · 30/06/2021 19:33

If you're not cleaning up your OWN DS's pee, why the Hell should you clean up HER DS's pee? I do appreciate it might have been a little embarrassing for him - but that's his Mum's fault for not training him to clean his piss off the toilet/floor. YANBU

EnjoyingTheSilence · 30/06/2021 19:39

Well if he doesn’t want to be embarrassed he shouldn’t piss everywhere. Who does he think cleans it up, the cleaning fairies?!

Well done @justawrinkleintime, his mother should be thanking you but she’s probably embarrassed too. Maybe she should have taught her son to per properly

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