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AIBU?

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Original poster

To make him clean it up

470 replies

justawrinkleintime · 29/06/2021 13:24

I probably was but it was pissing me off.

I have three sons and all have been trained that when you’re peeing you aim for the toilet and if you miss them you clean it up. I leave an antibac spray next to the loo and since the age of about 5ish they’ve been taught to spray the antibac and on their own mess and wipe it up. Tbh it stopped them making a mess pretty quickly.

Anyway, my DS9’s friend is over a lot and pisses all over the loo and often the floor as well. I put it down to being in a rush and wanting to get back to playing etc.

I’d cleaned the bathroom this morning and ds’s friend proceeded to piss all over the toilet seat and on the floor. Literally minutes after I’d cleaned it - he was the first one to use it post cleaning.

I took him in and gave him the antibac and told him to wipe it up and clean it himself. He’s also 9 as well btw.

I was nice about it and said we don’t leave the toilet in that state in this house when we use it.

He went home about 15 min ago and his mum messaged me to say she’s appalled I made him clean it.

I’ve responded politely to say “it’s a shame you’re upset but I’m not cleaning up urine of someone old enough to know how to use a toilet properly...”

I’ve been unreasonable, haven’t i?

OP posts:
Takeoutyourhen · 29/06/2021 18:14

Period leakages aren’t comparable to speed wees when they would rather spend those precious seconds/minutes playing their game rather than having to use the bathroom properly. I’d have said in my reply, yes I was appalled to see the mess he had created. He did a great job cleaning up and made sure he washed his hands thoroughly.
Tbh it seems dubious that speed wee’ers wash their hands for a few seconds if that.
YANBU!

MarshmallowSwede · 29/06/2021 18:15

Not unreasonable at all. You told him right. His bathroom at home must have piss on the
Ceiling and his mom is scrubbing it up. He’s old enough to know not to pee on the floor.

saraclara · 29/06/2021 18:16

@Yesyoucantell

Really surprised at the glee and lack of empathy displayed towards a child here.

It's not the kid's fault it's his parents' for not teaching him properly.

That. He was humiliated, and that's a shitty thing to do to a child.

I'm pretty sure that a fair percentage of the posters who said they'd be fine with their kid coming home horribly embarrassed and upset over this, actually wouldn't be if it was their kid.

TotorosCatBus · 29/06/2021 18:16

my child can act like they’ve seen it and tells them to clean it up.

I think many kids would prefer their friend's mum rather than their friend knowing because you probably won't tell the story to others at school. Plus it's not fair on your child to be put in the adult role of asking.

Mamanyt · 29/06/2021 18:18

@Topseyt, I could not agree with you more. My boys grew up knowing that different households had different rules for different reasons, and when in someone else's home, you follow those rules. Any mother of a friend who had a serious objection to that going both ways would have been told, "If your son cannot follow my rules in my home, then we have an issue with him being here. I expect my own sons to follow your rules in your home.

Dutch1e · 29/06/2021 18:19

I'm pretty sure that a fair percentage of the posters who said they'd be fine with their kid coming home horribly embarrassed and upset over this, actually wouldn't be if it was their kid.

I take your point, but I'd be mortified that we as parents had overlooked such a normal and important bit of parenting when it comes to hygiene. I'd contact the mum, but not to be snippy, just to acknowledge things.

saraclara · 29/06/2021 18:19

I wouldn't jeopardise one of my DCs' friendships like that either.

Also that.

BlackeyedSusan · 29/06/2021 18:26

he is old enough to be told.

if he were mine I would be upset he peed all over and left it in the first place as that is grim.

toocold54 · 29/06/2021 18:27

The boy consciously went to the loo to wee. He was in control of the act. Leaking period blood is not a conscious act.

But not wearing a pad or fitting it properly, changing it regularly etc is a conscious act which can result in leaks but I still wouldn’t embarrass a young child over it. I actually wouldn’t embarrass an adult over it.

He obviously struggles to aim for whatever reason. Which is probably likely due to not being taught properly or a medical condition rather than laziness. A quiet word with the DS to get him to mention it or mention it to the mum later on would be fine but to embarrass a 9 year old like must have been humiliating for them.

BlackeyedSusan · 29/06/2021 18:28

and I would thank you for teaching him manners as sometimes they only learn when another adult tells them, even though you have told them the same things yourself.

Bluntness100 · 29/06/2021 18:32

I wouldn’t have done this, I wouldn’t do it to any guest in my home. From elderly adult to small child I’d not humiliate them like this, by marching them in to do it.

And I would bet that those braying good for you wouldn’t either.

PurpleMustang · 29/06/2021 18:33

I dont understand how people are saying she humiliated him. I am pretty damn sure that his Mum knows he makes a mess. And if he was mine I would be embarrassed he had made a mess and that I had not managed to teach him to treat other people's houses with respect. Do what he wants at home but she should of taught him to sit down at friends houses. Well done OP for being one to have dealt with it rather than asking for advice and being scared to approach the kid

billy1966 · 29/06/2021 18:35

He's no loss to your son if his mother is of the type that would think it's acceptable.

What state must their loo's be in if that is his typical behaviour multiple times a day.

saraclara · 29/06/2021 18:36

@Bluntness100

I wouldn’t have done this, I wouldn’t do it to any guest in my home. From elderly adult to small child I’d not humiliate them like this, by marching them in to do it.

And I would bet that those braying good for you wouldn’t either.

Exactly. If an adult friend left a skid mark, would anyone here march them into the toilet and give them bleach and the loo brush to clean it?

That poor kid.

EleanorOlephantisjustfine · 29/06/2021 18:37

Please could you come to my house!! Good for you making him clean it. He’ll be more careful next time.

Fiddliestofsticks · 29/06/2021 18:39

@Bluntness100

I marched a 7 year old back into our bathroom to make him flush it and wash his hands. I'd been standing outside picking up toys when he came out. No flush. No sound of running water. when I went in, no toilet paper in the toilet so he hadnt even wiped. I took him back in and told him to finish up properly, flush and wash his hands.

The kid is here 4 times a week at least, and I am sick of him leaving his shit in the toilet. So now I take him in every time. His parents just do not care. We regularly get reminders from the school asking the parents of the primary 3 boys to please speak with their children about toilet hygiene as the primary 3 boy's toilet is being left every day unlfushed. Everyone knows it is this kid. Parents cant be arsed to teach him. Their choice in their home, but I will teach him in mind.

Not in an unkind way, and I catch him before he has gone back to play with my son or I ask him to come out and choose a snack but then take him back to the toilet first, so no other kids know he is being asked. But he needs to be told.

user1471538283 · 29/06/2021 18:41

I would not have said anything or made him clean it up. I think its humiliating.

toocold54 · 29/06/2021 18:44

I wouldn’t have done this, I wouldn’t do it to any guest in my home. From elderly adult to small child I’d not humiliate them like this, by marching them in to do it.

I agree.
On MN there seems to be a competitive rudeness competition going on where posters start a thread saying how they’ve stood up for themselves but actually have just been really rude and loads of posters act like they’d do the exact same thing and give examples of when they’ve been even more rude like it’s a good thing. But actually you know in RL they’re quiet as a mouse anyway.

Fiddliestofsticks · 29/06/2021 18:46

It is not rude to teach a child to clean up after themselves.

If I had a grown man round as a guest and he pissed all over the seat and left it, I'd be telling him to give and clean it. I'd say it in a more jokey way than a teaching way, but he would be going back in to clean it up or he wouldnt be visiting again.

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/06/2021 18:52

Perfectly reasonable OP.

Naunet · 29/06/2021 18:57

I love the idea that’s it’s humiliating to ask someone to clean up their own piss, but NOT humiliating to expect a woman to clean up someone else’s urine!

Tavelo · 29/06/2021 19:03

7 year old can maybe get away wirh it, at 9 you should be able to clean your own mess, especially in another person's house. It's no wonder we have a world full of men depending on women to clean up after them.

BarbarianMum · 29/06/2021 19:07

In my not inconsiderable experience of small boys I have to say they are not usually that humiliated when it comes to weeing. If half of what my sons told me about what goes on in primary school toilets was true (highest pee competitions?) a little bit more curbing if their casual disregard for basic hygiene is in order.

I remember my youngest being outraged aged 4 at the idea that he should wipe his own backside. At 8 he was horrified that he had to take a turn at cleaning the bathroom. Much easier to be waited on but tough.

Zzelda · 29/06/2021 19:11

@user1471538283

I would not have said anything or made him clean it up. I think its humiliating.
Isn't it humiliating to expect your hostess to clean up after you?
cricketmum84 · 29/06/2021 19:13

Definitely not unreasonable! I would be horrified if one of mine had left Someone else's toilet in a state!