To feel like looking 'average' these days is bloody hard work?

[JustGiveMeGin]

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣
To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick.
To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp!
Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

@Jangle33

Lots of men do manscape these days. It’s increasingly common.

And fake tan that’s not overdone can definitely give a healthy glow.

Stop being so hard on the OP everyone!

ATTENNNN-SHUN!

The FORUM POLICE have arrived!

Bloody hell that sounds like a lot of hard work. Granted, I don't have any greys in my eyebrows yet but this my regular list:

• Shave underams approximately once a week for easier deodorant application.
• Wash & condition hair 2-3 times a week
• Exfoliate arms & legs once a month at end of bath or shower (Korean Italy towels - bloody brilliant) then moisturise.
• Eyebrows - I do pluck any stragglers. Usually when I'm in bed recovering from a migraine & just too tired to get up but no longer feeling like death.
• If I'm going out & it's sunny, facial sunscreen. I also wear a hat with a brim, in all weathers. I even have a woolly winter hat with a wide brim.

Am considering hair dye. For fun.

I used to have a buzzcut. It was ace. I could be showered, hair washed, out & completely dry in 5 minutes.

I don't do makeup. Or tans - fake or real, I'm milky white & tan really unevenly, & it looks like I've been rolling in something. CBA shaving my legs, it must have been at least a couple of years.

Blimey, I don't do any of those things!

I shower daily, wash my hair and use suncream outside. I do pluck my eyebrows but that's the extent of it.

But I'm quite active - I'm a dog walker so my job involves being outdoors in all weathers getting hot, sweaty and covered in fur and slobber I also ride horses - again, getting hot, sweaty and covered in hair.

Make-up would sweat off and smudge within an hour. My hair would be frizzy and a windswept mess in the same time.

I don't really care what other people think about my appearance, though. I'm happy and love my job - my appearance while doing it is largely irrelevant. I think it's massively helped my confidence in my personal life too, tbh.

God, I don’t do ANY of these things ever. Well no I wax underarm/legs/bikini. That’s about it.

I’ve embraced my hair going grey. It’s fine. I never blow dry my hair (I chose a haircut that allows me to do that).
I don’t moisturise because it’s making my skin dry (skin gets used to it basically) etc….

I actually don’t think any of that is needed tbh.

@JustGiveMeGin

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣 To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick. To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp! Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

I’ve never bothered with any of this. Why do you do it?

I am always wondering the same, how much time is spent on basic maintenance. I moisturise feet every single day or they become hideous, and pedicure properly once a week. And tooth brushing - it's not two minutes, it's five minutes twice a day to get into every crevice with two different types of brushes, mouth wash, water pik. It's just boring but necessary. That's without hair and make up - even in lockdown I do make up every day.

I don't do hair colouring or fake tan though.

This thread is illuminating.

I do very little of any of this. Wear a bit of make up when I go out. Less stuff of better quality rather than a full face.

The question, I think, is who do you want to look like?? I mean, I don't look anything like anyone does in a mag or on the telly, but that's because my job isn't to look a certain way and court the press.

I look like me. I'm clean, quite tidy, I think I dress well. I'm not particularly thin. I have naturally very curly, naturally red hair. And I love it. And I think that really helps. I am never going to have the latest haircut, or cour, so rather than try to be a certain type of woman (bacuse that's what this stuff is really about really, a kind of tribalism - telling the world 'I am this type of person') I have fun being myself.

I reckon to some people I look quite distinctive and stylish, most won't even notice me, and to some I look like a batshit mess! Which is quite handy because the latter lot tend to give me a mutually agreeable swerve.

I am in my 70 s and have just become aware that I look beautiful and am beautiful just as I am, plus kohl pencil. I feel sad that I have lived decades without knowing it. It is all from within. Get wise ladies, please yourself, not others.

I do not give one single fuck what other people think I look like. You don't HAVE to do all those things

Hmm I don't do those things and I'm slightly above average in terms of looks (sorry). I've learnt to embrace being pale and choose colours that suit me. I get a good haircut every 3 months and have learnt how to style my hair so I only blow-dry every 3-4 days. I lasered my leg hair and armpits so no hair (I live in a hot country year round so my legs are always exposed). I drink water an exercise. Buy clothes very rarely as I live on an island and have no access to shops but always good quality. It honestly doesn't take that much effort. What you are describing is ridiculous and no one who takes their career and family seriously has time for that.

I used to have a long list of must-haves for beauty - it would have been unthinkable to leave the house without make-up. I spent a long time on doing makeup to look “natural”. I also always used fake tan 🤦🏻‍♀️

And then I gave birth to twins very prematurely - and was also a single parent. Everything went out of the window overnight.

Now, years later, I’m so much more relaxed. I’ve bumped into friends without even realising that I don’t have makeup on. I’m so much happier in my own skin.

There’s nothing wrong with a high-maintenance beauty regime - but not when you feel there’s no alternative. It’s enormously liberating to not feel the pressure to be shaven/waxed within an inch of your life and to leave the house without being covered in makeup.

Maybe try dropping some elements occasionally and see how you feel. Once you’ve done it a few times, you’ll start to realise no one actually cares.

You do what you want to make you feel better, but I promise you if you ditched at least half those things no one else would notice or care. And if they did (I work in a school and the forensic detail the younger teachers’ appearance are put under by students is unreal. I am old and not worth noticing) who cares?

Another one chiming in to say I barely do any of this unless I'm going to a wedding, funeral, job interview or court appearance. I shave armpits and legs around once a week in summer and never in winter. I never wear make up on a daily basis, I have a self trim down there about twice a year and self dye my hair every few months. And I've only had one hair trim since the start of the pandemic. Never had a fake tan in my life and pluck stray outbrows once in a blue moon. I file my own natural nails, and splash out on some toe nail polish for summer months only.

I try and cleanse, tone and moisturise my face daily, and shower daily but do nothing else you’ve mentioned! I’m 30 and unless I’m meeting up with friends wouldn’t do my hair or makeup, I never fake tan and am also pale! Would never do that stuff just to pop into town or whatever, and rarely do it for work.

I moisturise feet every single day or they become hideous, and pedicure properly once a week

I've never once put moisturiser on my feet

I wonder if a lot of it is self-perpetuating in a way. So you moisturise, so your skin is used to it and dries out quicker, so you have to keep moisturising etc.

I think putting in too much effort can make you look worse instead of better.

I’m really pale but don’t use any false tan. I don’t bother with tinting my eyebrows either and a touch of moisturiser takes seconds to apply.

Honestly confidence has so much more of an impact than most beauty regimes. Maybe concentrate on finding the things you love about yourself instead of feeling tied into your routine .

It's misogyny, pure and simple. No matter how much you think you are doing it for yourself, it actually comes from a lifetime of conditioning that women need to adhere to men's perceptions of how 'their women' should look.

It all sounds very labour intensive. I aim for clean with a lick of mascara.

@Yepyes

I don't do ANY of that shit and I feel fine about myself.

I'm nothing special but I don't think any of that stuff makes a person look younger. I look much better after growing out the grey because I don't have the very ageing stripe after two weeks.

You need to work on your self esteem not your beauty routine.

Totally agree with this.

Where I live people don't bother with all that. You'd stick out like a sore thumb if you turned up for the school run with hair, make up, spray tan etc. Leggings/jeans and t-shirts all the way here. It makes my life a whole lot easier not having to worry about all that any more (I used to do it in my twenties). I just have a shower, brush my hair and get out the door without having to care what anyone thinks.

I guess it depends alot on where you live though. I've heard of some schools where the school run is like a fashion show for the mums and I'd hate that.

Okay, so the fake tan seems to be the stand out thing for most people. I have a spray gun and do my own. I use a tan with an olive base so I'm definitely not orange! I just feel better with colour.
The hair dying, I have naturally very dark brown hair so every single grey shows (like a little neon sign of receding youth )
I shave/wax because of aforementioned dark hair.
To the poster that mentioned wearing my hair up, I do! Pretty much daily but if I didn't blow dry it first it would look even more shite!
I have the lash and brow tint for times when I don't wear makeup ...to try and look half decent.
I must have dry skin, definitely couldn't get away without moisturizer after a shower, I need a daily shower or I do smell.
If you saw me in the street I'm fairly sure you wouldn't have a clue I'm doing all of this and that's kind of my point....I feel like I should look amazing but instead I'm average
To all those that decided to have a bit if a dig, my self esteem is fine, I'm happy with my life but I just wanted a bit of a lighthearted chat about effort in vs results. I should have put lighthearted in the title.

Make up wise I do very little nowadays, but still slap on some blusher, otherwise people tell me I look tired!

A good moisturiser is essential though, without it I really do look old and wrinkly. (And good doesn’t necessarily mean expensive).

I feel like I look average and I don’t do half the stuff you do!

Oh, and for those that asked.....I'm 37 and live in a tiny little town up north!

I have the lash and brow tint for times when I don't wear makeup ...to try and look half decent.

Do you honestly think you wouldn’t look “half decent” without these?

You say your self esteem is fine but your actions aren’t matching that at all.