To feel like looking 'average' these days is bloody hard work?

[JustGiveMeGin]

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣
To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick.
To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp!
Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

I don't fake tan because I'm too lazy but I think it looks really nice! Haven't seen an orange one in years.

Blimey.

I do a fraction of what you think you need to be done.

No one’s died from looking at me.

@JustGiveMeGin

Okay, so the fake tan seems to be the stand out thing for most people. I have a spray gun and do my own. I use a tan with an olive base so I'm definitely not orange! I just feel better with colour. The hair dying, I have naturally very dark brown hair so every single grey shows (like a little neon sign of receding youth ) I shave/wax because of aforementioned dark hair. To the poster that mentioned wearing my hair up, I do! Pretty much daily but if I didn't blow dry it first it would look even more shite! I have the lash and brow tint for times when I don't wear makeup ...to try and look half decent. I must have dry skin, definitely couldn't get away without moisturizer after a shower, I need a daily shower or I do smell. If you saw me in the street I'm fairly sure you wouldn't have a clue I'm doing all of this and that's kind of my point....I feel like I should look amazing but instead I'm average To all those that decided to have a bit if a dig, my self esteem is fine, I'm happy with my life but I just wanted a bit of a lighthearted chat about effort in vs results. I should have put lighthearted in the title.

There is absolutely nothing at all wrong with anything you are doing. No one should be knocking your self esteem. I find it sad that some women seem to look down on those who enjoy make up and beauty as if it is conforming to some kind of dumbed down version of being a woman. OP I think you look a lot more glam than you think you do

I find it sad that some women seem to look down on those who enjoy make up and beauty as if it is conforming to some kind of dumbed down version of being a woman.

The op doesn’t seem to be enjoying it. She’s talking about doing it to look less shite and to look half decent.

@PurpleDaisies

I find it sad that some women seem to look down on those who enjoy make up and beauty as if it is conforming to some kind of dumbed down version of being a woman.

The op doesn’t seem to be enjoying it. She’s talking about doing it to look less shite and to look half decent.

Exactly, no problem if you enjoy it.

But if you don't enjoy it why bother?

I like a facial once in a blue moon but I'd hate to feel like I have to do all that faff myself at home all the time.

So I don't.

the whole lockdown has led me to becoming much more relaxed with how I look . I think I have just different priorities now. I definitely do not wear as much make up or as often, no tan ever unless going to a wedding or something, wouldn't dream of getting my nails done now, I shower & wash hair regulary, eat health and get lots of fresh air.

I think they will look back at us in the future and wonder why in gods name did women feel they had to

• contour their noses to make them look smaller
• get botox
• get lip fillers
• false eyelashes
• fake eyebrows
• fake hair colour
• false skin colour
• false nails

I'm 48.
My hairdresser highlights my hair when I get it cut, usually about every two to three months.
I shower daily including shampooing and conditioning my hair. I never blow dry it, just brush it and leave it to dry.
I shave my armpits and legs about twice a week.
I put moisturizer (with spf) on my face.
I only ever wear any make up on special occasions. If it's twice a year that's a lot.

I wonder if it might be good to cultivate your interests to become interesting as a person, rather than just for your appearance? I'm sure you are a very interesting person and you could make a lot of that

@JustGiveMeGin

Oh, and for those that asked.....I'm 37 and live in a tiny little town up north!

This comes as no surprise

bigbaggyeyes please May I swap your ‘boring’ for my ‘haggard’ ?

I think you have got into a habit of looking a certain way.
I just embrace the natural look, l do wear tinted moisturiser, very natural lipstick as my lips are pale, and mascara, takes a few seconds to put on. My hair is thick and long, l have long layers, l only wash it once or twice a week tops, very relaxed style, just quick brush before work.
You just have to know your good enough, your not in competition with anyone else, and everyone has their own hangups about certain parts of their bodies, that's ok because perfect is boring.

I'm not doing as much as you but yy I agree that as I've gotten older, I've had to put more effort in to maintain what used to be my 'normal' look eg hair colour ; anti-wrinkle cream.

I really feel sorry for people who need to spend so much time, energy and money to make themselves feel better about the way they look.

That’s it though, I don’t do any of this for other people. I do it because smooth legs feels nice when I get in to bed. Same with my feet, I hate having scratchy feet. I have eczema, I’d be moisturising anyway. The gradual tan makes me so happy because I feel like I’ve been on holiday. I do a facial at home and an oatmeal bath once a week with flowers in and with candles. I paint my nails every 4 days because it feels so teenage and exciting, I’m in a whatsapp group where we share our designs.

I don’t look on this as “work” really, or to look better as I look like me anyway. It’s all about making myself feel relaxed. I’m sure ill be told this is internalised misogyny but I’ll enjoy my Epsom salts and soft arse, thanks

There's honestly no hope for me if this is what constitutes looking average these days.

I never wear makeup or fake tan, and I get my hair and brows done every two-three months because that's what I can afford. I do shave, but that's it. A shower and a shave and some bare minimum skincare products.

People probably think I don't give a shit about how I look.

@Iampicklerick

I really feel sorry for people who need to spend so much time, energy and money to make themselves feel better about the way they look.

That’s it though, I don’t do any of this for other people. I do it because smooth legs feels nice when I get in to bed. Same with my feet, I hate having scratchy feet. I have eczema, I’d be moisturising anyway. The gradual tan makes me so happy because I feel like I’ve been on holiday. I do a facial at home and an oatmeal bath once a week with flowers in and with candles. I paint my nails every 4 days because it feels so teenage and exciting, I’m in a whatsapp group where we share our designs.

I don’t look on this as “work” really, or to look better as I look like me anyway. It’s all about making myself feel relaxed. I’m sure ill be told this is internalised misogyny but I’ll enjoy my Epsom salts and soft arse, thanks

Sounds like you're enjoying it and it's not a chore which is lovely!

@Scaredycatmoo76 please elaborate!
I wouldn't say I don't enjoy it as such....like I said this was meant to be a lighthearted look at the efforts some of us put in vs the results we get!
I can shout from the hills that my self esteem is fine but I won't convince everyone I guess
With regards to how interesting I am as a person...I have friends, my own family and work colleagues that seem to enjoy my company, we always have plenty to talk about so I guess I must be okay on that score but who knows.

I honestly don't think anyone fully gives a s* about how somebody else looks. Yes there's a little of a bias sometimes in terms of if you go in to a department store and look like you don't ever wear make-up they aren't going to treat you the same way as someone who goes in looking like they're ready to buy the whole counter. In general any beauty stuff I do I Do up because when I wear makeup, when I straighten my hair when I defuzz-all of that I just feel nicer. I feel better about myself.

I admire those who do none of this and are brave enough to go out like Cousin Itt from the Addams Family

@jsp5642

I wonder if it might be good to cultivate your interests to become interesting as a person, rather than just for your appearance? I'm sure you are a very interesting person and you could make a lot of that

What does this mean?

Oh yeah my results are mediocre but no one can tell if I’ve shaved or have snaggle feet except me anyway. The tan, I do have people comment I look “well” when I’ve worn it but I don’t think people notice if I haven’t?

Hairwise, I get a balayage so that I only have to have a haircut once a year, it’s perfect low maintenance.

If you don’t enjoy it OP, give it up. If you do, own it x

I don’t do half of these things. I’m 43 and think I look a good average. The one thing that seems to make the biggest difference is when I style my hair as opposed to just shove it up in a ponytail. Ponytail instantly drags me down.. I have lots of wispy hair that looks messy if I don’t put the effort in.
Otherwise this is what I do:

• wash hair 2-3 times a week
• shower every other day to avoid my skin drying out
• moisturise when I occasionally remember
• eyebrows micro bladed (aware this isn’t essential but I feel so much better with it done)
• make up: touch blusher, concealer on the odd spot, face powder and sometimes concealer
• dark brown going grey. Happy with grey but get a few highlights to break it up. Have this done , with a trim every 3 months

That’s all. Never been a massive beauty but I think I look pretty good and often get compliments on how I look. I have pale skin but embrace this… even wear dresses and skirts without scaring anyone with my ghostly appearance. I do try to dress nicely but keep it simple.

Oh and I shave as and when… less so in the winter!

@JustGiveMeGin

Okay, so the fake tan seems to be the stand out thing for most people. I have a spray gun and do my own. I use a tan with an olive base so I'm definitely not orange! I just feel better with colour. The hair dying, I have naturally very dark brown hair so every single grey shows (like a little neon sign of receding youth ) I shave/wax because of aforementioned dark hair. To the poster that mentioned wearing my hair up, I do! Pretty much daily but if I didn't blow dry it first it would look even more shite! I have the lash and brow tint for times when I don't wear makeup ...to try and look half decent. I must have dry skin, definitely couldn't get away without moisturizer after a shower, I need a daily shower or I do smell. If you saw me in the street I'm fairly sure you wouldn't have a clue I'm doing all of this and that's kind of my point....I feel like I should look amazing but instead I'm average To all those that decided to have a bit if a dig, my self esteem is fine, I'm happy with my life but I just wanted a bit of a lighthearted chat about effort in vs results. I should have put lighthearted in the title.

Re moisturiser or face cream..

I tried both of those before. And yes they felt great and then within a week or so, I noticed that my skin was feeling dry going out of the shower when it never ever did before.
Lo and behold, after staying clear of the cream, my skin ‘changed’ again and I didn’t need it.

It took me a couple of weeks of feeling uncomfortable, tight skin etc… for things to go back to normal. Since then I’ve learnt that the body adjust to us using cream and stop producing the oil necessary for the skin because we provide it with the cream. Basically we become dependent on it!

OP ditch the spray tan, it’s really aging. I don’t get this obsession with changing our natural skin colour. I remember seeing a work colleague come back after a holiday, she was late 20s at the time. With het tan she looked 40. Why??

Wow!

I'm 40, and out of your list I do the following:

• occasionally remove hair from legs and underarms; nothing more than the odd trim for my bikini

• take regular showers
• cleanse, acid tone and moisturise (plus SPF if going out as I'm fair skinned)
• brush my hair

The trick is to realise that everything beyond basic cleanliness/hygiene is optional. A massive industry spends ££££s trying to convince you that you are hideous so that you'll spend money on this crap, but it's all bollocks!

You almost certainly look fine without the regular spray tan and lashings of makeup.