To feel like looking 'average' these days is bloody hard work?

[JustGiveMeGin]

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣
To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick.
To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp!
Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

I think a lot of this pressure comes from others. We had the good fortune to move far away from our community/ family/ people that knew us when we were young and beautiful - which we once were. Now people know us as the slightly eccentric anglo saxons/ pet owners/ parents. The only time I wear make up is when I go home as I feel judged.
I do do a lot of sport. That's it.

I only ever look average at best, even with huge amounts of effort so now I don’t bother! Do I look ugly now? Maybe. I couldn’t honestly say. Depends very much who I’m comparing myself to. So I don’t really compare. To do so against an attractive person would feel shit and to do so against an unattractive person would feel mean!

I believe that whether I bother or not I will always fall in the average camp. However I do feel a lot more free now that I don’t stress about it. I wash, brush teeth and hair, and get on with my day. I’ve never enjoyed beauty routines. I don’t see it as me time, as some do, I see it as a chore. I’d hate to go to a spa and the hair dressers is torture not a treat. So I love not bothering with any of it.

I can honestly say I never did any of it “for me”. As I say, I don’t enjoy that stuff so it was always about trying to look good for other people. Most other people will deny they do it for others but look what happened over lockdown. I think deep down most of us make the effort for other people whether we admit it or not.

I wonder how many men are making time to do all this personal grooming. It must cost a fortune, as well as taking an enormous amount of time and effort.

Normally when I say this, somebody pops up to say that many men now do spend a lot of time on their appearance. What a pity society is moving in that direction rather than both men and women worrying a lot less about what other people think of how they look, especially whether they look young or not. Life expectancy is at an all time high and yet there's this enormous premium on looking young. Odd.

I’ve never had a spray tan, never had a wax, manicure or pedicure. I paint my own nails, shave and have olive skin so spray tans seem unnecessary. Leave my eyebrows as they are because I like the shape. Barely wear make up, trim and style my own hair and don’t have any greys yet so suppose I’ll start dying it when that happens.

I look alright, never had any complaints anyway. I think you’re putting unnecessary pressure on yourself and your idea of looking ‘average’ sounds quite far fetched to me.

Meh. If I have a shower in the morning I feel I'm pushing the boat out.

@FindingMeno

I have the mindset of doing that sort of thing as a treat not a chore. If it becomes a chore/ I don't feel good for it, I'll stop.

This.

OP you don’t need to do any of this but if you want to, because you feel better for it then you need to get smarter about it so it takes less time.

I wash my hair every other day - I look like hagrid and miss trunchbull had a short fat baby if I don’t blow dry my hair so I found a good dry shampoo so I can do second day hair without additional styling. I also blow dry with a hot brush so style at the same time (and have a cut that works with this style)

Fake tan I use a gradual moisturiser one from Skinny Tan and just do an intensive moisturiser on my body once a week.

Eyebrows get plucked daily for strays when I do make up, hair is done every 7 weeks (I have a box dye delivered on Amazon subscription) I don’t dye or tint my lashes or brows though.

Anti-wrinkle cream, eye cream, face moisturiser etc is like 5 mins of the day so can’t really cut that down and I enjoy selecting which concoction of potions I’m going to put on my face that day.

I still look pretty solidly average, but I’m not really aiming for anything else, I do it all because I enjoy it not because I want other people to think something differently of me because of the way I’ve styled my hair or what colour lipstick I have on.

@Ellpellwood

Nobody notices whether you fake tan or not. Nobody. Ever. I promise.

Yeah they do. Because most fake tan LOOKS fake.

I genuinely don't 'get' this thread.

I dont look as youthful since my periods stopped last year. Menopause definitely ages the skin and I look after my skin really well. I think it is harder as we get older.

I'm with you on everything except the fake tan. I must add though that that's what I'd need to look average. With 2 year old twins, your list (minus the fake tan) are mere life goals

@Sarahlou63

Gave myself a no. 5 buzz cut this morning. Job done.

99.9% of women will never do that. EVER.

Mostly because the vast, VAST majority, would not suit that look.

[quote JustGiveMeGin]@mustlovegin (great username!) I am beyond pale...I make a ghost look healthy unless I have the tan on
In summer I feel more confident in skirts and shorts with a bit of colour so it must be done!
I don't think I put undue pressure on myself, when I look around at women roughly the same age as me I'm certainly only just 'keeping up' standards wise.
Like I say, I should be a goddess but it's just not flipping happening [/quote]
None of this 'must be done'. Confidence comes from inside, not from conformity to pointless beauty standards.

Spray tan a couple of times a week?? That’s ridiculous. I too am of ghostly complexion but I’ve never bothered with a fake tan. Being pale isn’t a bad thing!

@FlaminEckVera

I genuinely don't 'get' this thread.

I get it, I just think it's deeply, deeply sad. Life's too short, people.

Lots of men do manscape these days. It’s increasingly common.

And fake tan that’s not overdone can definitely give a healthy glow.

Stop being so hard on the OP everyone!

OP - how old are you?

That must all cost you a lot of money? I do the absolute basics, wash my hair and shave occasionally. I wouldn't class myself as attractive but I don't think I look hideous for not doing all the 'beauty' stuff.

I do none of that and I look totally average I think.

Tbh, the things you do is done by most people I imagine, maybe except spray tan. So the people who look above average has better starting point, or do way more than that to look better?

I have realised since the lockdowns, hairdressers being closed, etc, that virtually everyone looks better with their natural hair colour. Including grey!

I don’t think all that is a lot of work maybe I’m higher maintenance than I thought.

I gradual tan tho rather than spray tan. Takes the edge off.

I dye my hair and brows every four weeks, skincare takes about a minute and I only wear mascara on the daily. Olive-skinned so no need to fake tan. Keep my nails short and largely unpainted. I sometimes brush and style my hair but mostly wear it back or a with a headband.

I do, however, do a monthly hydrafacial and get Botox twice a year.

@Iampicklerick

I don’t think all that is a lot of work maybe I’m higher maintenance than I thought.

It's crazy how much work goes into not looking like yourself! I really feel sorry for people who need to spend so much time, energy and money to make themselves feel better about the way they look.

I also honestly don't understand where people get the time to do it all. Do you all wake up at 5am?!

How old are you?

How long have you been thinking this way and doing all of this?

What do you think is the worst that would happen if you took a week off?

Do you enjoy any of it and think of it as self care/pampering and how much is a chore you resent?

I wash my hair twice a week, blow dry my fringe and leave the rest to air dry. It’s long and wavy and up quite a lot. I moisturise when I think to. I epilate my legs which takes a couple of minutes once or twice a week and saves me shaving in the shower.

I really enjoy doing my feet and nails on hands and feet. I buy nice smelling products and give myself a foot scrub and massage, not for anyone else but because I enjoy it for me.

I wear a bit of make up if I feel like it, it’s something I enjoy and I don’t feel different without it.

As a treat I do a face mask or extra exfoliate, I like a nice face oil. But I see these things as fun and nice and for me - it’s not a chore or I wouldn’t bother.

Either change your thinking or ditch some of the work. It’s a massive luxury to afford the time and money for all of this. I doubt the pressure is coming from anyone but you.

No one has ever been mean to me when I’ve popped out for a pint of milk with my hair in a messy bun, my naturally very pale skin and unmoisturised arms.

You don't HAVE to do any of that, you just feel you do.