To feel like looking 'average' these days is bloody hard work?

[JustGiveMeGin]

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣
To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick.
To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp!
Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

[quote Ellpellwood]@Ihavethesamedress Haha, yes, I meant novody ever looks at a woman and thinks she'd look so much better if she was orange-r.[/quote]
Family members regularly tell me I'd look better with some fake tan and were horrified that I went to a wedding (as a guest) and didn't get a spray tan.

I actually may look a bit better with a (fake) tan and certainly don't go for the orange Oompa Loompa look, but I just can't be arsed with the faff of it.

Fake tan can look good but often doesn't.

I can't be bothered with lots of maintenance, although I think nail polish looks nice. I certainly can't be arsed blow drying or straightening my hair as the difference it makes is not worth the effort involved.

Just stop doing it all. Then you'll look average and have plenty of time to do things that are much more fun.

I look better with false tan but I can’t be fucked doing it, so I don’t. This is my routine:
Balayage every 4 months, but do my own roots every 6 weeks
Wax and tint own eyebrows and eyelashes as they’ve faded as I get older.
Bikini wax every 4 weeks but only as I swim
Paint toe nails and pedicure myself every 2 weeks
Leg shave twice a week
Lumea on face and armpits every so often.
Hair wash every other day, and it’s wavy so I hardly ever blow dry or straight it these days.

I think I’m quite low maintenance but if I didn’t do this maintenance I suspect I’d look like a wild unkempt person.

Blimey, how old are you?

You really don’t need to do all that to look average.

dye the greys out of my hair disagree - embrace the grey, you can see some fabulously better than average grey haired women.
have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted will mascara and brow pencil when going out not suffice?
Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area underarms - for swimming and strappy tops only, legs - wax or epilate every few weeks, bikini area - not needed.
Spray tan couple of times a week not necessary
moisturise after every shower agree if you tend towards dryness
Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily wash yes, condition weekly, blow dry going out only.
Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. agree

I had a top end fake tan done at a salon for my 30th.

I thought it looked awful and couldn't wait til it faded.

But I don't like anything that makes me look less 'natural', I always wipe off lipstick as in my mind it makes me look ridiculous even if I like the same colour on other people!

Nothing you can do short of surgery
So I suggest you stop navel gazing about it!

And after all that phenomenal effort… I doubt you look “average”!

People still get spray tans?

I agree there’s a certain amount of effort that goes into the “simple/healthy no effort” look but I think you’re still doing too much.

Blimey OP, you surely don't need to spray tan twice a week?
Do you need to wash your hair every day?
Why not just put mascara and tinted brow gel on instead of faffing with dye?
Hair removal is a choice and unless you're really exceptionally hairy, no-one really cares except you.

I don’t do most of that stuff. I’m really pale but couldn’t be bothered to tan (plus it smells funny). I don’t tint my eyebrows, I do stick a box dye on every now and again or go to the hairdressers for them to do it. I don’t moisturise anything. I do shave, shampoo and condition my hair and wear mascara and eyeliner.

I thought I looked average but you put a lot more effort in than I do so you probably look better than me!

@Scaredycatmoo76

And after all that phenomenal effort… I doubt you look “average”!

I agree. You will look average, like me I suppose (hopefully!) if you did nothing! People who wear make up, look like they wear make up. Same for hair and fake tan.

God you put me to shame op. My hair is two toned from the dye as I can’t be arsed going to the hairdressers.

I crawl out of bed, clean my teeth and go to work… generally can’t be arsed putting on make up etc abd fake tan is like very very rare. I simply dont care enough.

When I do go out properly and make the effort- full make up etc…my DH gets a pleasant surprise as it’s so rare he sees me full face on etc…

I honesty don’t know how people find the time.

Shower/hair wash/blow dry every day.
Body lotion every day.

Shave legs and armpits weekly.
Exfoliate weekly.
Cleanse/tone/moisturise every day.
Light make up/perfume every day.
Delighted to be able to have occasional pedicures, manicures and hair cuts again!
60 something just trying to look vaguely ok.

Spraytan a couple of times a week? Why? Ok so your skin is ghostly pale but thats no biggie imho.
My advice would be to try and be more you. My skin is ghostly pale, Ive never ever had a skintan and no one has ever commented - why would they? Having pale skin really isnt an issue and definitely not something to spend a load of time and money trying to alter.
Embrace the grey, Embrace how you naturally are as a woman in your 40s.

And.........dont bother having a shower everyday unless you actually need to (ie actually sweaty or dirty!)
Ill bet you look pretty fabulously awesome without a whole lot of the effort you are currently putting in.

You probably look better than average, and than you think, OP?

The daily hair washing, blow drying and styling sounds exhausting to me. Though I only wash once or twice a week (one a co wash) as I have annoying long hair which takes an age to dry, air drying or with a hairdryer.

I do almost none of these things! I think you have a distorted perception of looking good.

I wash my hair about twice a week. I hardly ever blow dry it. I just leave it and it dries a bit wavy.

I sometimes use a bit of moisturiser if my skin is dry. I shave arm pits/legs maybe once a week at most, more likely every fortnight tbh. Never shave legs in winter and do a very quick job even in summer.

I dont really bother with makeup unless I'm going out out, then just mascara, bit of bronzer & a tiny bit of eyeshadow.

I have never had a spray tan or used fake tan or had eyebrows etc tinted.

My skin is clear and fresh, my hair looks fine, I reckon I look ok.

[quote JustGiveMeGin]@mustlovegin (great username!) I am beyond pale...I make a ghost look healthy unless I have the tan on
In summer I feel more confident in skirts and shorts with a bit of colour so it must be done!
I don't think I put undue pressure on myself, when I look around at women roughly the same age as me I'm certainly only just 'keeping up' standards wise.
Like I say, I should be a goddess but it's just not flipping happening [/quote]
Ha!

I’m stupidly pale. Everyone thinks I’m dying when I don’t have a tan.

I don’t tan twice a week though. I use fake bake and it lasts a good 2 weeks. I find the others do tend to last less. But (and I have tried them all!!!!!). Fake bake is amazing. Everyone comments on it.

Try that?

Now in my 50s but I've never made a huge effort. I think I look pretty okay for my age & I'm not trying to look younger.

I wear a mask on & off all day at work so haven't bothered with make-up day to day for a while. When not at work I wear blusher & usually eyebrow pencil, sometimes mascara and lipstick if going out.

Grey-haired now so just washing & scrunching every other day

Shave legs & trim bikini line once a week

Daily moisturiser for face, couple of times a week for arms and legs

I like to paint my toenails - usually once a fortnight. Occasionally fingernails too.

I don't do any of that.

Why would anyone need spray tan regularly (if at all)?

I think you might be mistaking "average" with "orange" .

Diet and exercise, stress and how you sleep make the most difference to your appearance, so admittedly I do make an effort on that front. I go to yoga class and try and do some at least every other day, and try and walk as much as possible and make a real effort to have a balanced diet. So I'd agree if the premise was "It takes a lot of effort to be a normal, heathy weight" as it took me years and years to get back there after having DD2.

But in terms of personal grooming I wash my hair twice a week if I can get away with it, three times maximum, and at the moment while it's warm, just let it dry naturally then brush it, so minimal effort there. Yes I put moisturiser on. Yes, I put make-up on at work or to go out, just because I like to. Other than that I don't wear it. I shave my legs etc in the shower because I like to. I don't have my nails done, or any other beauty treatment and have my hair trimmed about four times a year.

Spray tan sounds high maintenance, not average. I have never had one.
I wash my hair daily (greasy) so its always clean and silky but I just let it dry naturally (long and straight so no styling). could not be arsed with blow drying daily and it just looks dry and frizzy if I try.
I do dye my grey roots every 6 weeks or so but it literally takes 10 mins to put the dye on, leave it 20 mins while I do some housework, rinse off in shower.
I wear a full face of make up every day but it takes 5-10 mins. No point dyeing lashes and brows because I'm putting mascara/eyebrow pencil on anyway.
I keep moisturiser on my desk so if my legs/elbows feel a bit dry I rub some on as and when.
Body hair removal is a pain I agree but laser removal can be your friend. I had legs, armpits, bikini and perianal region done a few years ago and just 5 mins a week zapping with a lumea to fend off any reappearance.
I clean off nail polish and repaint on Sunday night in front of telly. Keep the bottle on my desk to touch up any chips each day, takes seconds.

@PurpleDaisies

Who sees your bikini line in normal everyday life?

Herself. Her partner.

It's not about whether anyone sees it. It's having self respect and caring about your body.

I think this is your own beauty standard you're holding yourself to, OP. Or that inflicted on your by society. Newsflash: you don't have to keep up with it! It's not natural, and you do have a choice. Just because other people do something doesn't mean you have to :)

Normal routine: I deal with my underarm/leg hair, and make myself clean. I use a cream on my face to treat a skin condition. That's it. I don't even blowdry my hair (I wear it up). If I have a particularly wild grey hair I pull it out.
If I am going on a night out I wear makeup and make more effort with my hair.

I am lucky with tanning skin, but I wear shorts regardless of whether I have a tan yet or not (so most of April/May I'm usually white-legged). I don't know if I look average or not; nor do I care. I look like a human being, which I am.

You are making a choice to doll yourself up. It's okay if you want to. But if you don't, stop doing it! Accept your body as it is, and find your identity in things that are not your appearance, which matters very little, and won't win you friends or real happiness.

dye the greys out of my hair disagree - embrace the grey, you can see some fabulously better than average grey haired women.

Hmm, grey hair looks stunning on stunning women. But for some of us it’s not beautiful luscious silver. Mine sits within a bed of already boring mousey brown hair, it doesn’t gracefully fade to grey, great wirey white strands appears overnight, 10 times thicker than my normal hair and weirdly curly (I have naturally straight hair). Dyeing the bastards.

Same as @Notebooks, I don't mind my pale skin at all.