To feel like looking 'average' these days is bloody hard work?

[JustGiveMeGin]

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣
To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick.
To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp!
Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

Dog head

Self respect doesn't require the removal of natural body hair lol. Bet her partner isn't waxing down there lol.

@Ellpellwood

Nobody notices whether you fake tan or not. Nobody. Ever. I promise.

This isn't true at all. I self tan and I notice when others who usually do haven't. I also think there is nothing wrong with a adding a glow of colour to your skin plus it takes 10 mins to do

I have a bath and wash my hair twice a week, brush my hair, cleanse and moisturise daily. I don't dye my hair, I only shave my legs if I'm going in a pool or wearing something short. I used to wear make up when I was young and think I looked better, now I'm middle aged I think it makes me look worse. I've never had my nails done and don't spray tan. I think it's easier to be average looking and age then it is to be beautiful and age.

Oh yeah, admittedly I do dye my hair. But I do it myself every couple of months and it really isn't a lot of effort.

It all depends on how you feel as an individual.
It's not fair to say a bikini wax is 'not needed' when someone else feels better with it done.

Same goes for make-up, hair & tanning etc, if it makes you feel good then do it! If you don't want to, that's fine too. Technically, NONE of it is needed.

I'd only have an issue if someone felt they HAD to do everything to fit in or please someone else.
Personally I'd hate to go out with everything au naturel but each to their own.
So so jealous of anyone who can just wash their hair & go though...

Gave myself a no. 5 buzz cut this morning. Job done

PurpleDaisies
Who sees your bikini line in normal everyday life?
Herself. Her partner.

It's not about whether anyone sees it. It's having self respect and caring about your body.

The thread is about looking average despite doing lots to try and look better. The op is clearly talking about how she feels she looks to other people.

I wasn’t aware that failing to wax my bikini line meant I had no self respect. Obviously I’m not being a woman correctly.

@LolaSmiles

It sounds like your idea of average is very different to my idea of average. Are you putting an undue amount of pressure on yourself to achieve an image that's far removed from what most women do?

This. I consider I make a semi reasonable effort, compared to a lot of people I see around me (no judgement, everybody's choice) but that is way beyond what I do. I haven't let my hair go gray, I have facials, and I go to the gym (when I can be bothered) and wear mascara and do my hair to leave the house. Lippie less often these days, cos mask. I might have a bit of perfume on. That's plenty for me, and quite expensive to maintain.

Well yes, obviously if you are normally orange and smelling slightly of digestives, and the next week you're not, then people probably will notice.

Can you pull off the hippy chic look? Then you wouldn't have to style your hair.

So so jealous of anyone who can just wash their hair & go though...

Or even just NOT wash their hair and go. Revelation.

It's a mindset, and you can train yourself into it if you really want to. It's a bit like giving up sugar after sugar addiction. Very very hard at first and you miss it like crazy, but then a few months down the line you eat something very sweet and its almost sickening and you don't even enjoy it, it's too much. You have to recalibrate your own visual expectation of normality.

What's your definition of "average"? Who/what are you comparing yourself with?

If you're happy doing all of that, just carry on. If you'd prefer not to, then stop.

I've seen some of those fake tans. Some of the poor sods still look like Morph

I absolutely hate spending time on my appearance but I do have to do a bit for my own self esteem. Laser hair removal has been brilliant. I am now on holiday and don't need to shave to put on a bikini!

@JustGiveMeGin

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣 To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick. To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp! Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

You dye your hair every 6 weeks, I assume? You don't need to tint your eyelashes or brows; mascara and brow stuff exist. Although I do concede that mascara is something of a faff if you really need it daily. But if you're putting mascara and eyebrow pencil on anyway, why the tinting?????

I would also suggest you don't need to shave your legs/armpits every day.
Nobody needs to wash their hair every day. You should work to reduce the frequency. Blow drying is not good for hair either.

I do all the things you do too OP and wear full (but natural) make up every day. Plus I have my finger nails and toenails gel polished continuously.

I may look groomed and put together but I am still a size 16 and that's the thing I can never seem to change, so I still see myself in the mirror/windows and think Wow you look fat.

@JustGiveMeGin

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣 To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick. To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp! Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

Why do you feel like you have to do all of this?

Do you think people will look at you in disgust if you don't? Is having pale skin such a shameful thing? Your bronze and tanning routine is adding a lot of work, and spray tan on bed sheets is absolutely gross. Do you have to wash your hair every day? Is it very oily, because if it's normal - dry, you could be doing more harm than good by doing that. Plus, a lot of shampoos are quite harsh and all of that is going on your skin, your delicate skin on your face too.

Good grief it all sounds exhausting. I don't do any of that and feel fine about myself.

Doesn't fake tan just feel all sticky and generally yuk???

I shower and wash my hair (then a quick dry) every day. I have just started going grey - I quite like it, it's sparkly, so there will be no dye. I always wear clean clothes. I shave my armpits and half my legs when the notion strikes me (every few weeks), moisturise if my skin feels dry (a few times a year). I do cleanse, tone and moisturise my face most days though. I wear make up once or twice a month. Pluck my eyebrows sometimes.

I feel I look pretty average, certainly average for where I live. Takes around 15 minutes a day.

Is there a way you can start wearing your hair up that looks decent, instead of daily washing and blowdrying? That's 30-40 mins saved each morning just for starters.

I honestly look better with my hair worn up, than freshly washed, if I've not had time to do a decent blow dry (and IMO this is true of many women's hair) Learn how to style it so you can wear it up.

Fake tan also takes a while, so I would make sure you are only doing the bits that can actually be seen (eg thighs downwards, and just a hint of colour rather than actually tanned)

@Dawninrealisation

Can you pull off the hippy chic look? Then you wouldn't have to style your hair.

Or crop it. I'm small (5' and 8 stone) , and learned many years ago that cropped hair suits me better. So I keep it short. I'm 50, and have some grey. I have no idea how much without looking in a mirror, because it's not something I keep tabs on. Too busy doing other (more interesting) things. Chin up, OP. I'm guessing you'd look perfectly lovely without all the fuss you describe in your post.

I would also suggest you don't need to shave your legs/armpits every day.
Nobody needs to wash their hair every day.
I know you mean well but not everyone is the same. I was amazed to learn that my friend shaved her legs twice a MONTH. Before lasering them, I needed to do it every day as the hair grew back so fast it woyld be uncomfy and prickly and wake me up at night! Ditto hair, if yiu have very thin greasy hair, it is very difficult to ignore it when it basically looks wet and clingy after a day.

@Ellpellwood

Well yes, obviously if you are normally orange and smelling slightly of digestives, and the next week you're not, then people probably will notice.

I don't have an orange tan, no one needs to be orange these days self tanners as so advanced now. I think that it's perfectly ok to preen and beautify your face/body/hair as long as you enjoy it. I love doing these things and it makes me feel out together and comfortable. If a person doesn't enjoy the process then they shouldn't feel compelled to do it for others

I have the mindset of doing that sort of thing as a treat not a chore.
If it becomes a chore/ I don't feel good for it, I'll stop.

Ellpellwood

Nobody notices whether you fake tan or not. Nobody. Ever. I promise.

I do when I see orange elbows!

But yes, when I was younger I wouldn’t go out without fake tan on. Now I don’t, I’m sure it makes not one jot of difference to the rest of the world.

@Sarahlou63

Gave myself a no. 5 buzz cut this morning. Job done

Ooh! I wanna shave my head!

I keep thinking about it.