To feel like looking 'average' these days is bloody hard work?

[JustGiveMeGin]

Disclaimer: I had a similar thread in style and beauty when I wasn't feeling my best. I have definitely made peace with how I look and this is NOT a woe is me thread 🤣
To even look average I have to dye the greys out of my hair, have my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (did I mention greys?) Remove hair from underarms, legs, bikini area. Spray tan couple of times a week, moisturise after every shower (daily). Wash, conditon and blow dry hair daily. Anti wrinkle face cream twice daily after cleansing. That's just the basics....I can and do go out without makeup bit I feel better with: cc cream, face powder, bronzer, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick.
To me I feel like I should look like a fucking goddess after all that effort but sadly I still sit in the firmly average camp!
Does anyone get what I mean or have I finally gone off my rocker for good?

Yes, as someone who's been obese and not obese, I know we get treated differently because of how we look. I still prefer the not giving a fuck option

I'd prefer not to be obese. Being overweight was bad enough not least for the health problems I feel it contributed to.

Yea, I dye hair roots every two weeks. Dye eyebrows as often as needed always have to pencil them in as disappearing. Straighten hair every time I wash it. Wear concealer most days. If going out its alot more.

I also prefer not to be obese, perhaps you misunderstood. If other people choose to treat me differently, whether it's because of size or armpit hair or makeup or whatever they can do so. That's a choice they make, and I'm not going to change myself in order to try to change how much or little people value me.

I found being obese a great way to sort the wheat from the chaff in terms of friends though.

@SixesAndEights, I vary in that. I don't compromise what I genuinely want. I didn't get a reconstruction after mastectomy, for example, I decided my gift to myself was to lose weight and get fit instead. This shocked some people (they asked if my DH minded?!) but I knew i made the best choice. However I do recognise the affect my appearance has on how I am perceived and am not above utilising that knowledge.

[quote JustGiveMeGin]@mustlovegin (great username!) I am beyond pale...I make a ghost look healthy unless I have the tan on
In summer I feel more confident in skirts and shorts with a bit of colour so it must be done!
I don't think I put undue pressure on myself, when I look around at women roughly the same age as me I'm certainly only just 'keeping up' standards wise.
Like I say, I should be a goddess but it's just not flipping happening [/quote]
Nothing wrong with being pale - it’s the mentality you need to address - no offense.

I never look average. There is no inbetween for me. I either go the whole hog (false eyelashes, nail extensions, fake tan, hair extensions, full on makeup, dress and heels) or I barely have time to brush my hair and wash my face and look as rough as anything and am never out of joggers/jammies. I get flare ups of bad skin and don’t wear makeup during these and I know I look terrible. It’s one extreme or the other for me!

Since my 40s (I'm now in my 50s) I have incorporated a daily skin routine. I wear full makeup to go out during the day as well.

I wear a small amount if anyone is around. By small amount of makeup I mean eyeliner, mascara, primer, lipgloss and eyebrow highlighter.

Otherwise none on days no one sees me. My hair is coloured every 7 weeks to keep on top of the roots. I change my hair colour even if it is only slightly twice a year

I love my clothes and have one brand I buy alot from. My style is very much unique to me.

Yes my beauty and hair routine isn't cheap but it's worth it. People think I'm mid to late 40s when I'm actually late 50s

A bit of genetics lucky and having a discipline is what it takes. Down to each person what they do

I'm a Leo so my mane is my pride and joy. I wash my hair every other day and using my hairdressers salon products

[quote PawsQueen]@Yepyes that what you see in magazines etc doesn't match how people look in RL but I'm a real person in both and I like being able to swap between made up/hair done and not
I love wearing makeup and it's part of my job so it's fun seeing how hair, makeup and lighting can change stuff but it's all manipulated[/quote]
And that we are being trained by constant advertising in our faces that we SHOULD look a certain way to be considered attractive. And what we are being shown is vastly different from actual reality. We are, many of us, trying to live up to a lie, and being miserable when we fail.

@MrsBobDylan, YOU GO, GIRL! Whatever makes you feel good about yourself, in the way of taking care of yourself, you do. I imagine that your life is quite restricted in many ways, You don't sound as if you are trying to please others with it. There's the difference.

Who has time for all that nonsense? You should be glad you have money to waste on all that superfluous non essential guff. Maybe do some volunteering or something to feel better about yourself. You know, stuff that actually matters in this world!

So much better for your mental health and general outlook.

@chaosmaker

Who has time for all that nonsense? You should be glad you have money to waste on all that superfluous non essential guff. Maybe do some volunteering or something to feel better about yourself. You know, stuff that actually matters in this world!

So much better for your mental health and general outlook.

Rude, patronising, presumptuous. Proves my point from my previous comments. You can do all these things as well as maintaining your looks the way you like! I don't have time to volunteer at present but certainly not because I'm too busy powdering my face but I have done plenty of it in my time. Who are you to talk down to those who enjoy beauty products with the tone that they must therefore be shallow and thick?

@chaosmaker I work with adults with severe learning disabilities, I do get paid for it so maybe that doesn't count?! Either way do get stuffed.

Surly if it makes you happy and confident then do it, if you feel it defines you negatively then don't. My niece never wears jewellery or makeup (why should i) but I love to wear jewellery especially turquoise it makes me smile. So at the end of the day each to their own. OP I agree it does get harder to crawl out of the mid average section as you age but it's also nice to be invisible at times. I dont stop traffic anymore but if I make a special effort I do get compliments but it's now from other woman. Live and let live.

Agree totally. Sadly some people do treat you differently based on what you look like, I've learned these aren't people that add much value to my life! The media industry and social media still reinforce an unattainable image of what a woman should look like, it is a billion dollar industry . So much money is made from women chasing an unrealistic and uneccessary body ideal.

Interestingly modern research puts forward that body weight is a very poor indicator of health. For example, I weigh more than I did in my 20s but now run regularly and strength train. Building muscle is extremely important for women as they get older, whereas restricting diet to be thin is not.

.

Im late 40s. The only thing I do regularly is dye my hair. Because I like the colour. Even before I had grey hairs (I'm not completely grey).
Make up doesn't stay on my face because of the hot flushes, I tend to rub my eyes so don't bother with mascara.
I do occasionally shave my legs if I'm showing them.....
Each person should do what suits them.

People do treat you differently if you look good though, sometimes if you feel you look good then you come across more confident and people do notice this.

I know a few posters have picked up on the fact that I said people who have botox, fillers etc look perfect. I don't necessarily think they look that good personally but it is this look of perfection with full make up, contouring etc and it makes me fill quite average. Although I have been told that's not the case I still feel I need to put a lot of effort in to fit in to how I think I should look.

I am not sure how much people actually do notice but there definitely is a difference in how people are treated.

@JustGiveMeGin please stop being so hard on yourself! I'm 38, greying and roots halfway down my head (don't have time to get them done), I don't wear make up and only shave if legs and/or armpits are on show, or if I'm going swimming. Because I have a fuck it attitude. I brush my hair and shower every day, I put on clean ironed clothes every day. But other than that, I don't care what people think when they see me. If the occasion calls for it, I pull out all the stops, and enjoy it, but in the meantime, life's too short. Please be kinder to yourself x

@Forgottenwhatsleepis @WeDontLikeCricket @ERFFER..... Nice to hear from some posters on my wavelength I am currently sat in work with a fabulous tan, hair up in a bun and no shits given! I have shaved my legs, moisturised, washed and blow dried hair though and I'm getting my eyebrows and eyelashes done tomorrow!

@JustGiveMeGin off for an eye/lip peel later today and some lipofirm tomorrow. I have recently been feeling very much my age lately had some real shit going on lately that my confidence is all over the place. I just feel so much better, happier, more motivated when I feel that I look better.

Some of the things mentioned such as moisturising are things I have done from a young teen, just stuff my mum taught me, I could never imagine not doing the basics. I don't do any of it for anyone else (if anything I would be likely to do the opposite of what someone told me to do lol) I just do it because I feel so much better. I love the feeling of smooth skin and how a nice tan looks.

There is a lot of joy to be had in self care and looking your best.

Equally there is a lot of joy in doing the bare minimum to get through life and not being bothered by how you look to others.

So long as you feel happy in yourself then that's the most important thing whether you have orange legs, fake pouty lips, grey roots, awful clothes or extra weight gain.

I currently feel like crap because I've put on so much weight recently that it's going to take me while to sort it out.

And because of that other things are also being neglected because I feel so meh.

I have however just bought some more flattering clothes and I do my skincare daily so I have great skin for my age or so I'm often told. I need to dye my roots and shave my legs more. I would look better and slimmer with more of a tan but it's too much of a pfaff to do regularly because I feel so down about my weight.

Im with you on the weight thing, I've really piled it on over lockdown I'm starting a diet with a friend, we are both going to weigh weekly so we are 'accountable ' to each other, hopefully this should motivate me more!

@JustGiveMeGin

Im with you on the weight thing, I've really piled it on over lockdown I'm starting a diet with a friend, we are both going to weigh weekly so we are 'accountable ' to each other, hopefully this should motivate me more!

There’s really great support on the weight loss chat board. I’ve found it really helpful over there.

@PurpleDaisies thanks, I'll have a look!