DS split from rest of friends in school

[Melmanmartygloria]

New classes came out on Monday for next year, my child has a group of 3 friends who he sees regularly on weekends and play dates and they've been in the same class since reception, the other 3 will be in the same class and he has been changed to the other class, he came home in floods of tears has been upset all night and this morning has refused to go to school would not get out of bed crying hasn't eaten breakfast saying why have I been changed. I took my other 2 to school and spoke to his teacher and the head and got met with the same response which was basically suck it up we won't be changing.
He attended school throughout lockdown as I was a key worker and adjusted really well with new people but still only wanted to see his regular friends when allowed again they do have a really special bond especially with one of them. Hes fantastic at his school work I never have to even tell him he will do his work before any type of play, never been in any trouble at school and always does extra work such as competitions.
What shall I do?
Headteacher was very short with me this morning saying there's no changing.
He went to school yesterday as a happy child and literally over night has turned in to a anxious worried child thinking they've done something wrong and fully refused to go. The only way I could of gotten him to school would of been to drag.
I'm at a loss please any advice

Just reassure him that he will be fine. Class time is for learning and playing with friends is for break/lunch/after school/weekends. If you've already spoken to the head not sure what else you can do. Maybe try to help him work out how to navigate anxious feelings and try to help him understand that being in the other class is not because he has done anything wrong.

This sounds really thoughtless by the school.
I’d consider looking at the schools safeguarding and inclusion policies (thinking emotional well-being and mental health and ensuring every child can access education etc etc )
Picking out anything relevant and putting it in an email to the teacher, headteacher and possibly governors
Hopefully it will allow them a time to rethink without being put on the spot
If your son is well behaved and doing well in school it does seem unfair

It's a shame, but it's just one of those things unfortunately. See it as an opportunity for your son to branch out and make lots of new friends :)

Schools have lots of reasons for mixing up classes, and it would be an absolute nightmare for them to have to rejig things if everyone complained about it.

I think I would keep complaining until they changed it. Unless your son is being really disruptive when with these friends then it seems heartless. Children are less able to concentrate and learn when they are anxious and feel isolated. I would want to know why this has happened and why they are not considering your sons feelings.

Are you sure that your son's friends view the friendship group in the same way?

The split could be down to ability etc. Even though my DC primary school "doesn't" do this and "never" has done this, it is blatant when you see which kids end up in which groups for certain topics etc. I don't mind, I'd sooner my kids were with a similar ability and got the right level of support they need. I just wish the school would be honest.

I think these things build resilience. The important thing is to work through it with your child and be super supportive. Arrange play dates with any new child he befriends in his new class. Talk up his new teacher. Do anything you can to be positive, positive, positive. In my experience of this happening I always made new friends on top of my old friends so it worked out rather nicely.

How old is he?

I would encourage him to try and perhaps speak to the school in September if he's still unhappy.
He'll still be able to see his friends outside school and at break and lunchtimes, and might make a load of new friends

I am sorry your son is upset OP, this sounds tough. However, it is highly unlikely that the school will change their class lists now - it would open just too many floodgates - so you need to focus on gently working with him to sell the positives. Opportunity to make new friends, he’ll still see those three in the playground and out of school time etc, you’ll be doing lots of special play dates etc etc etc.

It will be nothing that your son has done wrong but please bear in mind that your perception of the situation may be slightly different to the teachers’ and there could be reasons for the separation that may make more sense over time. For example it could be that teachers feel your DS is too reliant on these other children and may ultimately flourish more if given the opportunity to be in a class with others. I have known this kind of situation arise on several occasions with both my own DC and their friends (our primary schools mix classes every single year) and whilst stressful initially it has generally worked out for the best in the end.

These things happen. He'll make new friends. Unless, of course, you make an elaborate production of injustice and suffering out of it and become That Parent.

He can still socialise with his friends. He needs some reassurance he will still have contact and fun and new friends too.

The head teacher doesn't sound very caring. Maybe talk to the teacher about who he WILL be with and focus on the positives.

Sorry x posted with everyone else

Could u suggest that 1 of the other 3 is put with him so at least he’s got one of his friendship group and it’s a little fairer . I would be worried about his mh because this transition is made even harder at the moment so definitely take it further with the school .

You are his advocate: so I say keep fighting for him.

His happiness and well-being is your priority.

Is there another kid in the other class who feels similar? Would be helpful if you could offer a solution or a direct swap?

Schools are typically unsympathetic about this issue, which I understand to a degree, in terms of being adaptable, building resilience, making new friends etc.. but this happened to my DD and it did really change her school experience for the worse, for the following two years, some kids do struggle to adjust. So I do think schools should not dismiss parents concerns quite so quickly.

Are you sure that your son's friends view the friendship group in the same way?

Honestly, what from the OP has made you to ask this?!

He hasnt done anything wrong - I would be telling him that they saw how he was in the key worker bubbles with new people.

I would say that actually this sounds like a really good opportunity for him (And yes such a class split has happened to DD, once in reception from Pre school and then again in year 3) and they adapt

Unless the bubbles change come September, he won’t be able able to socialise at break and lunch with his friends. I would keep on at the school, unless there is behavioural reason why they are separated then there should be no reason not to make an amendment. It doesn’t need to be a massive deal spoken about with all the parents (to stop everyone changing which is what the school will be worried about). If he’s upset, lonely and isolated he won’t learn. The school should understand that.

He's 9. His friends are also very upset that he's been moved to the other class he was crying yesterday at the end of school and this morning they were waiting for him but he didn't go. Like I said he doesn't have a problem adjusting he went to school happily without them all of last year but to deliberately split him off from the rest really has hurt him

DD is moving into Year 3. Even with classes changing around during last summers partial opening there have been four class reorganisations since she started school and each time she is not with her best friend. It was hard when the classes could not mix for a long time but they can now play in the playground at break and lunch and she is happy.

It is hard but she has class friends so is not alone and I think it best she mixes with other children more anyhow.

This isn’t something worthy of a massive fight though! It’s a common theme in schools that have two classes per year or more. It happens through secondary for many and also happened years back when I attended college.

You have to give your children the resilience to cope with change, the ability to feel disappointment but work through it positively. These are all skills that will serve them well through their life. Meeting new people, making new friends. Be supportive but don’t try and solve these adversities for them.

Our school won't entertain changing classes either. Kids are split in stages up the line as numbers increase or decline in the school. Head will not budge and parents know there's no point asking. If they accommodate one child they will possibly have other parents coming in to ask if their kids can be moved so it is not feasible. Encourage your Ds to meet up with some of the kids in the new class, find out who the parents are and invite them over during the holidays to start building on friendships. Chances are he'll still see his other friends during breaks.

I do think sometimes it's a good thing, so that children can build resilience and not become dependent on just a couple of children. He will see them at break times and they may have some classes together if the year groups do mixed classes for certain subjects.

My ds was in a group.of 5 and asked not to be put with 2 of them.

All 5 played together at break and lunchtime.

I do understand he is upset and i would acknoledge that and let him know it will be fine.

There could be more to this than you know. I asked for DS1 to be separated from someone and everyone, including the boys thought it was a great friendship. There were issues and the teachers wholeheartedly agreed and had actually already planned to separate them.

The mum of the other child went in and complained.

Encourage your child to see this as a positive thing, school may have very solid reasons for the split.

@Melmanmartygloria

He's 9. His friends are also very upset that he's been moved to the other class he was crying yesterday at the end of school and this morning they were waiting for him but he didn't go. Like I said he doesn't have a problem adjusting he went to school happily without them all of last year but to deliberately split him off from the rest really has hurt him

Why do you think it was done deliberately?