To wonder how people manage with bigger families?

[Lemonwoe]

First of all: I’m not judging: everyone makes different life choices: and what suits me won’t suit everyone else.

But I’ve often wondered how people manage with larger families (ie any more than one child): things like space in the home: financially, energy to look after them all.
Most of my friends and family have more than one child (my close friend has 4), and I honestly don’t know how they manage without having a breakdown.

I only have one child (and work 4 days a week) but I’m blooming knackered: particularly the last year with lockdown and homeschooling

It's probably like anything in life I'd imagine. If it's something you want then it doesn't feel as bad/like hard work.

For example some people go to the gym several times a week, or follow a particular sport/hobby or do lots of travelling etc. If it's something you're excited about then you feel positive about it so you just make it happen?

Not to say there won't be days where it's tough of course, but if it's something your broadly speaking enjoy then there probably won't be so many tough days.

Same goes for families with multiple children I'd have thought 🤷 We've got baby #2 on the way and will be stopping at two cause neither me or DH can imagine running around after more than two. However, the idea of two children just seems great and I'm really excited for the new addition to our family 😄. I find some days tiring with one child (if I've not had enough sleep), and I do work full time, but as a rule I love being a parent so I'm very content.

I don't think we can use the past year or so as a good example though. This past year has been unusually tough for everyone. Especially for those who are trying to homeschool and do full day's work at the same time. There literally aren't enough hours in the day.

Second one is pretty easy, third was a shock to the system (with a big gap). But it's just a matter of time. My kids get most of mine other people have a life where it's barely changed by having a child.

To be fair after homeschooling etc a lot of us are still knackered.

I don't think you have a lot of choice once they're born 🤣 I have 3 children (8, 5, 3) and I'm a single mum who works full time. I have a 3 bed house, plenty of IKEA storage for toys. You have to be organised but you need to be flexible and chilled. Go with the flow attitude helps and not taking on too much (1 extra curricular activity per child). Sometimes I get very stressed but I scale things back when that happens and give myself time. I also make sure I put my youngest in extra days at nursery so I get time to myself.

Covid is an unusual time to judge it on tbh.

We have 3, two quite close together and then a gap of 5 yes before bonus baby #3.

Yes, at times it is noisy and busy, but they all get all of the attention in the world. On the whole they get on very well, and enjoy each others' company so need less entertainment than a singleton. I wouldn't have more, no, I'm looking forward to leaving toddlerhood for good and the associated lack of sleep that entails.

Depends on the individuals, like anything. Our lives are set up around them, so we're used to going with the flow.

@Curiosity101 congratulations on your pregnancy!

I must just not want another one lol. My friends and family often ask when we are having another: I’m 40 now so not much time if I wanted more. I always just say that I don’t think I’d manage with more than one.

It took ten years to have DS and I loved every minute of babyhood: found ages 2-4 so stressful though: at 5 he is much easier. I love babies and think they are adorable: but have absolutely no urge to have another

I had 5dc in 8 years. You just get on with it. Organisation is key. Space wise, there is none. 2dc in each bedroom, one in the box room, DP and myself in dining room. It works. Obviously there's occasional friction but no more than any other family. I've never had only one child and always imagine I'd be bored, as would the child. Everyone is different.

The noise! I have two and younger one is so loud. I honestly think I’d have a breakdown if I had more noise on top of that!

We had 4 in 5.5 years. Looking back I do wonder how we managed, but you just get on with it. Now they are adults they still get on really well and keep in touch with each other.

Our mistake was our late baby, number 5. Having just one is so different. The others always had someone to play with, and they'd go off together on holidays. This one always has to be entertained and won't do anything alone. It is really tiring

@Dyingflowersagain I don’t mean to be rude but how do you physically manage? Does one of you stay home ? Does one of you have a high paying job, or do you just budget really well?

You are either very organised or very relaxed - being disorganised but wanting to be organised is a recipe for disaster.

Some people find children easier than others. I don't know if that's down to enjoying the whole thing. I did and do. I only had three but had stepchildren and was the one with a houseful during the school holidays and weekends. I always took my children's friends out with us. I'm very hands on with my grandchildren and babysit, for two other families, which includes overnight. I often mind four under four years old.
Cost wise you cut your cloth according to your width. I like being busy and have a high tolerance to noise.

There are a million different things.

At one point, I had one child to my sister’s four. I was by far the higher earner, but both work full time.

Financially, there were just so many adjustments and differences.

Like - both our same age daughter’s had swimming lessons.
Mine: small group private expensive, as I was limited in time slots that fitted my work.
Hers: large group, and on a scheme for low earners so she got already cheap council leisure centres lessons for half their usual cheap price.

So I earned more, but I was paying £10 to her £2 per lesson. Outcome: the same, both girls have long since stopped lessons, and both swim equally well.

Of course, I’ve been able to fund other expensive classes that she hasn’t… so I’m not saying money / family size hasn’t made a difference. But there are a lot of things that you don’t see.

In terms of time and attention… not wanting to piss off the large families here, but my sister will easily say that hers do not get the attention that mine does. It’s just a fact. However - they always get the attention when it’s really critical. So it’s not a criticism of her, or of larger families… but it’s a difference in our two cases.

@CakesOfVersailles

You are either very organised or very relaxed - being disorganised but wanting to be organised is a recipe for disaster.

Absolutely this!

I had two at once and couldn't plan. You just get on with it. It's hard but what can you do? You learn to cope.

You are much more capable than you think.

@CakesOfVersailles I’m neither relaxed or organised. I’d like to be both: but I’m just not. I’m possibly dyspraxic: I can read well, and was great at maths etc at school, but was awful with anything practical or PE: handwriting was so bad that in high school teachers asked me to type up my work so they could read it. So, getting organised or getting DS dressed and ready to go out is a complete nightmare for me. Thankfully he has just learned to put his own shoes on

Agreed.

Although to be fair my mate did say he left his 3rd to be raised by the cat 😂

I give everything to our 18 month old, so does my partner.
I honestly have no idea how you can do that with multiple kids.

Respect to those that can and do.

We're one and done due to being a bit older.

I was literally just wondering this on my way to work this morning. I have a nearly three year old and work three days a week and I'm so overwhelmed most days I feel like I'm drowning.
We live in a smallish three bed house and we definitely need somewhere bigger. My daughter has the biggest bedroom, my husband has the box room for his computer desk and guitars and we've turned one of the downstairs rooms into our bedroom and have our wardrobes in the other bedroom because we can't fit both a bed and wardrobes in one room. Honestly we don't even have a lot of stuff! I regularly have clear outs.
I think maybe the shock of going from no kids to one kid is bigger than the shock of going from one kid to more? Or maybe some people are just better at coping with stress. I really have no idea how anyone manages.

50 this week. Dd is 32. Youngest is 6. Several in between..
5 x dc still at home.
Shattered!!

I'm old enough to be amazed to read that some consider more than one child to be a large family! Knowing how unpopular this view will be but 'in our day' we weren't as obsessed with out babies, we loved them, did all the practical things, we cuddled them but we weren't afraid of putting them down to do something else.
It seems that parents think that keeping their babies attached to them 24/7 makes them better parents, it's simply the current way, be prepared for your children to do things differently and get ready to sit back and keep schtum!

@Lemonwoe You really can be absolutely done and happy at one, or none or a whole football team! 😄

I don't think you need to know the intricacies of how people manage with bigger families because it doesn't sound like that's something you'd want?

I think it's a similar question to when you think about going from no children to one child. If you were asked "How do you do that", it'd probably be difficult to fully articulate but you just do manage. You make it work for your given circumstances.

@Curiosity101 I don’t need to know... but I’m still very interested to know... I’m a nosey bugger: one of the main reasons I’m on MN. I get to hear about other people’s lives and viewpoints

I have 4. Most important things are:

Big wall calendar
DH who pulls his weight
Don't sweat the small stuff
Never skip a day of laundry

@JudgeJ for me anything more than one child is a large family: we’re past the days of women being stuck constantly preggers -
And thank God (well, the pill) for that lol.

i think though that the biggest shock to the system is the first child!! thats when you go from independant, doing what you want person to suddenly being responsible for a little being. after that, it doesnt reallymatter if you are making breakfast, or bathing or staying in to look after or taking to the park 1 or 2 or 3 children! you are still physically doing that stuff anyway.

We have 3, we've just moved house so they now all have thier own room, DD does lots of activities, the boys dont because they dont want to. They are all doing brilliantly at school, so I dont think they have been affected by having siblings on that front and actually they learn from each other.
Theres pros and cons to all numbers of children and it depends on what is important to you. we cant afford private school but its not important to us- I went to state and then private and having had the experience of both I know its not the holy grail its reported to be and actually feel state helps you get on with and experience a wider variety of people (which ok our comp is in a leafy middle class small town with no real issues, I might feel different if we lived inner city with schools that have major problems). Equally I have friends who stopped at one precisley so they could afford private school.