To wonder how people manage with bigger families?

[Lemonwoe]

First of all: I’m not judging: everyone makes different life choices: and what suits me won’t suit everyone else.

But I’ve often wondered how people manage with larger families (ie any more than one child): things like space in the home: financially, energy to look after them all.
Most of my friends and family have more than one child (my close friend has 4), and I honestly don’t know how they manage without having a breakdown.

I only have one child (and work 4 days a week) but I’m blooming knackered: particularly the last year with lockdown and homeschooling

I think a lot must depend on your own personality. I'm an introvert who over analyses everything. I imagine if you're an extrovert who's more happy go lucky, you'll find it easier to have a big family. I crave peace and quiet.

@Comedycook

I think a lot must depend on your own personality. I'm an introvert who over analyses everything. I imagine if you're an extrovert who's more happy go lucky, you'll find it easier to have a big family. I crave peace and quiet.

Very true. It would be very hard if you are a panicker/helicopter parent. I'm an extrovert and enjoy having a busy house. One of the kids is an introvert and needs lots of opportunities to be on their own with a book. Luckily I don't need that because I wouldn't get it

Templetreebloom my husband is from a developing country where children don’t seem to have much compared to here and typically live in large families. Quite often the children seem much happier then the ones over here who have everything and have smaller families.

@stairway

Templetreebloom my husband is from a developing country where children don’t seem to have much compared to here and typically live in large families. Quite often the children seem much happier then the ones over here who have everything and have smaller families.

You said that the parents make it hard for themselves not the children.

I disagree-its judgemental and ignores the needs of the children.

Actually my DP came from a country where large families were the norm and poverty and neglect was rife.
Looking after, caring and providing adequately for children doesnt mean they are spoilt.

I think the most honest thing I can say about having five children is that it helps not to complicate parenting too much.

I also acknowledge my good fortune to have NT children, an amazing husband and very involved grandmothers.

It would be very hard without any of those things. Impossible without all of them.

Lots of my acquaintances have stated that I seem to be this superwoman with five lovely kids, a career and a good relationship. I always tell them that I have a lot of help and I don't sweat the small stuff. Or much at all if I'm honest.

Templetreebloom I think sometimes modern parenting makes children more miserable. We won’t agree on this as this is just my observations and opinions. It is possible for both children and parents to be happy in large families. Children can be very happy with very little if they feel secure and loved.

So many of these set-ups seem to hinge on the husband having a high salary and the mum to have a job that just covers extra-curricular activities or stay at home mums. If all goes well there is nothing wrong with having a big family, but if something goes wrong, like job loss, health issues, doesn’t the whole thing come tumbling down like a house of cards? Personally I would always take a much lower risk approach. I also really doubt that families with 5,6,7,8 children can give them the time they need or want. I see a lot of people with unhappy childhoods wanting big broods to create their own happy family, but many children coming from big families tend to want only one or two kids themselves, or none.

@Pancakeorcrepe

So many of these set-ups seem to hinge on the husband having a high salary and the mum to have a job that just covers extra-curricular activities or stay at home mums. If all goes well there is nothing wrong with having a big family, but if something goes wrong, like job loss, health issues, doesn’t the whole thing come tumbling down like a house of cards? Personally I would always take a much lower risk approach. I also really doubt that families with 5,6,7,8 children can give them the time they need or want. I see a lot of people with unhappy childhoods wanting big broods to create their own happy family, but many children coming from big families tend to want only one or two kids themselves, or none.

My eldest ( eldest of four) constantly goes on about not wanting kids and how life would have been better if we had stopped at 2 !! Funny because he has never wanted for anything and has always had plenty of attention.

"My eldest ( eldest of four) constantly goes on about not wanting kids and how life would have been better if we had stopped at 2 !! Funny because he has never wanted for anything and has always had plenty of attention."

My eldest of four also has said this too. They each get plenty of attention. I think at times as the youngest two have additional needs he finds we have hospital appointments and that can take time.

I don't disagree with the PP who mentioned it must all come tumbling down like a house of cards when things go wrong. Yes, it does sometimes.

Not many are painting the reality here with big families, so I will. I am a SAHM, and it can be tough at times. Yes I would have stopped at two DC if I had known that I would later have two children with additional needs. It's not easy at times.

I can imagine it's very easy for the family local to me having nine children as they are all NT. Why wouldn't you if you just sail through it each time with no children who have additional needs?🤷

A friend of mine has 4 and is now a single parent. No idea how she does it. I have two under 4. And it’s tough. Although getting easier every day. But I’ve worked out organisation is key. Although haven’t yet got Dh on board with this.

Dh wants a clear living room. No toys. Like he had in his home when he grew up. Pointed out him and his brothers had a playroom (as did dsis and I). We don’t have that luxury so for now it’s plastic boxes with shared toys in them and seating with storage.

And trying to whittle down the amount of stuff we all have.

Money wise we pay a fortune for nursery each month which allows me as the lower earner to continue working. Once ds gets his free hours in September we’ll be laughing a bit. Then once Dd gets hers…winning.

You could ask the same question about any perceived level of busyness compared to your own, I don't know how people work full time with young babies, but they do, or run a business and write a book, etc - you just make it work for you whatever that is

If all goes well there is nothing wrong with having a big family, but if something goes wrong, like job loss, health issues, doesn’t the whole thing come tumbling down like a house of cards?

It could, if you're overextended. The key is not to make any moves that couldn't be sustained in any of those scenarios. For example, we considered what would happen if one of us lost our jobs and took that into account when purchasing our house -- now we have a mortgage either one of us could afford to sustain if necessary. We have critical illness cover to replace our salaries if we were ill, substantial life insurance policies in case of real disaster, etc. Everything could be sustained with just one of us if there was a need.

It means we don't have the largest, fanciest house and we don't live the same lifestyle as some of the others at the school gates on a similar income, but we're not going to starve with our "large" family if there were a real issue.

We have experienced the 'health issue' early on. The youngest was born prematurely which was an incredibly stressful time. I had to manage my time between hospital (caring for a preemie) and the other children at home. For five weeks. Then the youngest had major surgery too when 15 months old. We have been through a lot of stress and I would be incredibly naïve to think it didn't affect the older DC. It did. We did get through it but it's not been easy. So there's that.

The children play with eachother so whilst there is more work to do there is also less socialising with other people or trying to keep one child entertained.

My children often argue and fight and I will have to quickly intervene before someone gets hurt. Not so much with the eldest two, but certainly with the youngest who are 5yo and 3yo.

It can be incredibly intense some days with me shouting 😬

@Jobseeker19

The children play with eachother so whilst there is more work to do there is also less socialising with other people or trying to keep one child entertained.

Think we must live in parallel universes 😂

This is such a goady mean spirited thread. You basically imply that women with larger families must be constantly exhausted, disorganised brood mares because you wouldn't be able to hack it.
I have 4 (and the mad dog makes 5) and it's fab. They all get along, always have someone to play with, teach them to tidy up after themselves and housework isn't an issue, meal planning keeps us organised for food, my husband is an actual dad rather than an overgrown manchild. I much prefer life now in a busy, fun household than the childhood I had as a lonely only child of two career driven parents. It was depressing and not something I would inflict in my own kids. So take that for goady 😛

@TheGumption. We're all different...your busy house is my idea of a nightmare.

I have 3 kids, grown up now. My youngest has SNs, but apart from that I didn't find it difficult really.
The best thing is to stay off parenting forums, in my opinion.

I have 4dc between 9 and 1. No.4 was unplanned and I do feel a bit like she is the straw that broke the camels back but only because I home ed the others and a toddler in the mix, throws out routine and makes it difficult. I am tired to the point of tears quite often and am snappy when I shouldn't be but this will get better when I don't have toddlers.
I am a very calm and patient person and very practical. I don't flap or panic. I take all 4 swimming or to the beach on my own because I have to. Worrying about things won't make them better so I just get on. Maybe to my detriment because it means people assume I don't need help when it would be really nice.
I have a good routine of jobs that means I am on top of housework but I have lowered my expectations. As someone else said, it's not washing clothes that's the issue, you have to stay on top of putting them away or weirdly, everything falls apart.
I would say I am an attachment parent and pretty child-led but realistic. The kids have to be independent, get themselves ready, tidy up after themselves, help with dinner. That's just the reality of having lots of siblings.
Time wise, when I had 2 children and was out of the door by 7am, home at 5.30 and willing the kids to go to bed so I could get more work done, I absolutely had less time for them than I do being at home all day with them. I don't think they need 1:1 often but we give it to them if we can see they need a break from the others.
Money wise, my husband earns more than average but definitely not a mn salary but we just about get by. We save a little each month towards birthdays, christmas and rainy days. You just live to your means.

I have a large family. Wouldn't have it any other way. Not exhausted. That's the life I chose to lead, and when you make that kind of choice you go with it, ups and downs alike.

@TheGumption. I was interested in how people do manage with bigger families: particularly if they work. I wasn’t being goady. Good for you that you are supermum.