Kids that shriek?

[Turkishangora]

Just that really, why?? My 2 don't, not because they're miraculously non shrieking... Because we've drummed it into them not to. I'm not talking toddlers, I'm talking 5+ when they feel the need to shriek, shout and scream all. The. Time

Can you tell my pandemic experience has been framed by the 9 year old twins next door screaming in their garden throughout?

I think it is terrible parenting to allow one's children to behave in a way that quite reasonably upsets other people

We know people who have a shrieker (no additional needs). I'm talking constant, high pitched, top volume screaming. They came to ours recently to play in the garden. The neighbours must have thought someone was being murdered. Not a single attempt

from either parent to quiet them a little. Their mum smiled dotingly in their direction and said "they do that when they're enjoying themselves".

Not at my house they don't.

"Part of fitting in to society is also understanding, tolerating difference"

Part of fitting into society is considering the needs of others and not doing things that you know others find upsetting.

I think there's quite a big difference between shrieking with joy occasionally and it being the register kids express themselves at while playing. I'm not advocating we don't allow children to make noise. Laughing, chatting and singing is fine. I just think constant highpitch shrieking when you're als trying to enjoy leisure time is a bit much.

This is anecdotal though, of course you have boundaries, there is not one parental style with boundaries, one without, extreme way of looking at things. My youngest has quite few friends and playdates and the parents really like her as she is 'laidback', 'kind', 'no trouble', this is the feedback I get all of the time. The most demanding friend my DD has has the strictest Mum, who says, 'no' to many a thing and tends to micro manage her. She is nice enough but is always quick to tell you, how much the girls should be eating, what her Mum allows in her house, things they should be doing as that is what happens in her house. This is what I mean about tolerance. She doesn't have an idea of people doing things differently to her Mum (in particular) and will tell you so. It comes across as a bit rude and unaccepting when she is in other people's homes. I think this can happen with children with parents who preach about good and bad parenting as they have actually taught them to be quite judgemental.

Lucky you’re not judgemental, eh, @Goldenbear? 😃

@Goldenbear

Yes but who decides what is the threshold. Equally, it is so arrogant to declare, with absolute conviction, what constitutes a good/bad parent. I don't think it is great parenting to be obsessed with rules and discipline, it is unimaginative and IMO lazy but I do realise that is just my opinion.

how much you impact and annoy others is a good start...

It's a bit of a worry if you confuse simple manners and being obsessed with rules.

Holy fuck yes! I wear hearing aids and the amount of times I have had to take them out because screaming children are physically painful is ridiculous. I had to do it the other day, usually when I'm trying to have a quiet coffee or meal and a chat. Parents, please consider people's pain!

@stillcrazyafterall and what exactly should we do?

How is that judgemental, it is not judgement, it is stating a fact, the fact is she does say all this stuff so that her friends adjust their behaviour accordingly even though they are not in her house. She is saying it as she expects things to happen that way, in that order.

But how much you annoy others is debatable and equally how intolerant are others is debatable. We can't go through our lives second guessing our annoyance to others, there are other things in life that I want my DC to focus on and i think they equally have a right to live their life without constantly putting others first. Of course, have good manners but no, I can't say it's crossed my mind to encourage my DC to apologise for their existence- how miserable and restrictive.

YANBU I worked for a an near a primary school. Day one I grabbed a butchers knife and was about to jump the fence thinking some nutter was in the school. Then I realised it was play time. I was 40 at the time. When I was in primary in the 70s no one screamed unless they were hurt.

@Goldenbear

Yes LemonRoses, spot on, sorry what is your insight here?

My insight is that children, who are permitted through lazy or ineffective parenting, will shriek because they are allowed to do so without censure. That’s not about being strict or laid back, it’s bothering to teach them to be considerate and think about how their behaviour impacts on others. It’s not the children who are to blame, but the parents.

I am very pleased for those of you who have neurotypical children. It must feel good on that high horse.

I have found that if you stay long enough next to a screaming child, it won’t be long before you hear the parents doing exactly the same.

Some kids do have genuine problems/SN, but those are the minority, in most other cases it is just kids learning from example.

@Rabbitheadlights

YABVU ... Some kids shriek my DS is autistic and has sensory processing disorder shrieking is one of the things he does to self regulate. You have no idea of other people's circumstances keep your opinions to yourself and watch for the ledge on that pedastal I suspect you will fall with an almighty bump when one of your perfectly well behaved children mess up.

What does 'self regulate' mean please?

@cherrybonbons

My DD shrieks. She has a verbal stim. No amount of my parenting can stop this.

Bore off. And buy some ear plugs.

Have you tried? Bore off doesn't really make you sound like you care much if it affects your neighbours. Do you?

@BlatantlyNameChanged

I have one autistic DC who, when he's feeling overwhelmed, hates shrieking and a too-loud shriek can reduce him to tears. I have another autistic DC whose favourite verbal stim is a pterodactyl-style shriek. I also have a preschooler who thinks it's hilarious to copy him. If the first DC isn't feeling overwhelmed he'll join in with it. His favourite verbal stim is a high-pitched "peep peep" sort of sound. They don't do this all the time, other stims are used depending on what they need from doing it, but when they do get on with the shrieking and the peeping there's not much that can be done to stop it.

But yeah, total "lack of parenting" is the cause

Have you tried a bucket of water?

@cherrybonbons

But You are insensitive. You've made it about your amazing parenting in the OP and failed to acknowledge that some children just shriek for various reasons. Btw some children bite when they are young and some don't. It's just children. Each are different.,,,

Eh, no biting isn't something children just 'do'. It's something you nip in the bud immediately. The little darlings are not 'expressing themselves'.

@User179335678

The most miserable bunch of people.

They are kids - leave them be.

And while you are at it, pull your judgemental heads out of your arses :)

Sometimes it's not just kids will be kids though. Sometimes it's inappropriate such as in a restaurant or a public place and the parents don't seem to notice or care how it might be affecting others.

I was taken to restaurants from 5 yrs old but if I didn't behave there'd have been consequences.

@TheSaucepanMan

Christ every single time someone makes an observation that irritates them out come the sensory/autistic comments. Not every child has adhd or autism some are just loud gobshites.

Half the children in the uk seem to have ADHD or autism

I remember back when I was in primary school us kids having competitions of who could shriek or yell or squeal the loudest. Back then kids were allowed to be noisy outside. Even in their own backyards. When inside we were expected to use our inside voices and if we wanted to yell and be noisy we were told to go play outside.

As a middle aged adult I get that listening to children yelling and screaming is very grating on the nerves. But as adults we should be mature enough to find ways to deal with it.

Let children be children. I’m so glad I grew up in an era when children behaving like children was tolerated.

I have DC ranging from teens to adult and the noise levels have definitely increased, I’d say in the last 5/7 years it seems that kids are allowed to scream as if an axe murderer is chasing them.
All this bollocks about expression and imagination is that bollocks; it’s inconsiderate, the kids in my street who do it never have the parents out to shush them, endless screaming/roaring from them.
Do the ‘what do I do parents’ ‘I’m
not crushing their imagination’ think they’ll
magically become considerate as adults?
Having fun laughing etc is fine but blood curdling screaming isn’t fun for anyone.