Think the way people use the term 'trans widow' is insensitive to actual widows?

[justmaybenot]

The wives of men who have transitioned often use the term 'trans widow' and some of the responses to this letter from an actual widow have expressed some envy for someone whose husband has died rather than transitioned. AIBU to think it's overblown and deeply insensitive to liken the experience of your dh transitioning to the position of someone whose dh has actually died? This is the letter rachelemoss.com/2021/06/24/a-letter-to-trans-widows-from-an-actual-widow/

In there mind the man they married has died

We don't need to make everything a competition grief is grief

Has an instruction from Pink News gone out to spam these boards or something?

Id say the feelings are even more complicated.

Do you find golf widow offensive.

If they feel widowed then they feel widowed.

I don't see how it affects widows whose husbands have died.

It doesn't change either situation.

Déjà vu

Loads of people on MN have talked about 'grieving' about things they've missed out on through covid as an example.

Same thing to me. A bit weird but I couldn't care less that people say it

You get the terms golf-widow, cycling-widow … I always assumed it was meant like that

In many (if not all) cases it’s the transitioned men who claim their former personhood is dead. Hence the use of this term.

And oh look, this has been discussed at length on this very illuminating thread:

Discussion

Was this not posted a few days ago too?

I don't see a problem with it.

Formula One widow or the footballers version has been knocking around forever.

And parents of children who are trans have often said that they had to grieve for their lost daughter at the same time as welcoming a son, or words to that effect.

So whilst it may not be exactly the feeling of a husband dying, I understand why it's certainly on the same lines.

I think it would be a shame if it became a competition between who is the most affected .

Both situations are difficult for different reasons. And if for instance Bert becomes Berniece, then yes, Bert has died because he is no longer there.

Very difficult for all the women so why not care for them all, not be divisive.

@bitheby

Déjà vu

Yes!! There’s a thread already on this isn’t there?

I also thought it said "trans windows and an insult to windows" when I first read the title.

I thought it was a type of window that changed shade and someone was taking the piss.

Thank you dyslexia....

I would not stop a trans widow from self describing as such.

If your partner changes themselves massively then I expect it does feel like being widowed.

Couple of things to think about, just for a start:

The trans widows aren’t turning up at actual widows’ meetings demanding to be let in, or claiming they’re ‘literal widows’, or demanding that all widows accept them as true widows.

If a man who says he feels like a woman is allowed to demand to be treated as a literal woman, why can a woman who feels like a widow not be allowed to say she is a widow?

If one group of people can appropriate words like "woman" for labelling themselves purely on their say-so and be affirmed and celebrated, then why can't another group of people have the freedom to choose what words they want to call themselves?

I wonder how the OP can identify which group must be affirmed and celebrated for taking whatever words and spaces they fancy, and which group must be scolded for their lack of sensitivity in daring to choose their own terms?

It's funny how people get so het up about this. I've been on MN for near twelve years and can't remember one thread stating about how inappropriate the notion of a golfing widow or a cycling widow was and that's just losing the DH for a weekend.

There is grieving and the person you knew is gone. Their original name is their 'dead name' I'd say it reasonable. That person is gone and never coming back.

I wonder how the OP can identify which group must be affirmed and celebrated for taking whatever words and spaces they fancy, and which group must be scolded for their lack of sensitivity in daring to choose their own terms? hmm

Yes...I wonder how...

It is a very accurate description though?

The person they married no longer exists.

The person they married has in a sense died, although in the case of trans widows are usually re born as some almost entirely different. I think if my husband decided to transition I think I would experience grief for the man he was and the relationship we had.

YABU. Having had a friend transition it feels very much like a bereavement. That person no longer exists.

Another race to the bottom for women.
oh wait.....

This exact same thread was started 2 days ago

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4280226-The-use-of-the-term-trans-widow