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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about leaving dc for the night?

131 replies

Rainbowbrite85 · 26/06/2021 16:49

I’ve two dc, aged 13 and 5, this will be the first time I’ve left the 5 year old overnight and only the second time I’ve left the 13 year old.
I’m planning on going to an outdoor concert and then staying over and doing some shopping the next day with my best friend.
They’ll be fine, right? I feel really anxious about it and I know they won’t be very happy either (not broken it to them yet). I’m considering cancelling because I’m already catastrophising and I’m not even there yet.

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 26/06/2021 16:50

Who are you leaving them with? That makes a big difference.

Original poster
Rainbowbrite85 · 26/06/2021 16:51

My parents.
I know they’ll be looked after but I feel really guilty about leaving them.

OP posts:
krankykittykat · 26/06/2021 16:52

You're a grown adult entitled to your own time and your children should not dictate that they're not happy about it

FourEyesGood · 26/06/2021 16:52

In that case, yes - they’ll be fine! For a moment, I was worried that you were leaving the 13yo looking after the 5yo!

Original poster
Rainbowbrite85 · 26/06/2021 16:53

Yeah but leaving dc2 crying is going to be hard, the pandemic has made her even clingier than she was before. I will feel major mum guilt. Ahhh how I love mum guilt.

OP posts:
lborolass · 26/06/2021 16:53

What do you think is going to happen to them?

Original poster
Rainbowbrite85 · 26/06/2021 16:53

God no 😂 the 13 year old is more of a liability than the 5 year old.

OP posts:
Cerealtoast2 · 26/06/2021 16:56

It's hard I hardly leave mine 7& 5 but 5 year old definitely more clingy during to pandemic, he didnt want me to leave him with his dad and go for a meal with friends! We had tears, it's hard but better now I've done it once.

Spied · 26/06/2021 16:57

If my parents live locally I'd consider leaving the dc with them one night before the concert so that you know they've been fine and you don't ruin your time at the concert worrying. A trial run so you can see everything has been fine.

cocoloco987 · 26/06/2021 16:58

I was thinking this would be about a breastfed newborn. Don't cancel, what do you think will happen?

Pinchoftums · 26/06/2021 16:58

Don't project on to her. She will sense you don't want to go. Start talking to other people in her earshot about what fun she will have at your parents.

Willwebebuyingnumber11 · 26/06/2021 16:58

I know how you feel OP, my almost 4yo has never stayed out overnight. I’m sure they will be fine, try and relax and enjoy yourself!

pinkyredrose · 26/06/2021 16:59

Make out like it's a big adventure with lot's of fun things to do. It's good for kids to learn that thier mother's are people in thier own rights and have thier own lives.

threeteenstaximum · 26/06/2021 17:02

You're leaving your 5 & 13 year old DCs with adults, their own grandparents. Unless there is a big back story about GPs being confused, alcoholics or abusive, or special health needs that are hard to meet for your DC , then your lovely DC should be able to be safely and well cared for by other adults overnight especially their own grandparents.

I understand you are worrying but I'd be careful not to helicopter parent.

Original poster
Rainbowbrite85 · 26/06/2021 17:03

I think up until now I haven’t really. They are with me or at school and are very used to me being here all the time.
The older one won’t be thrilled. There’s a chance the little one will be distraught.
And I’m back to being torn between wanting to go and the guilt again. Men don’t have this, do they?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Rainbowbrite85 · 26/06/2021 17:04

Very close with my parents, but very used to being with me and the last 12 months haven’t seen as much of their grandparents and if so it’s been outside. They’re not so used to going round to their house.

OP posts:
cocoloco987 · 26/06/2021 17:06

Does your 13 year old not go out with her friends, go on play dates or sleepovers or club or school residentials? It's very unusual for a 13 year old to be unhappy about a parent going out (also for a parent to be worried about leaving a 13 year old in safe circumstances)

Toiletrollbuyer · 26/06/2021 17:07

From the way you were talking I honestly thought you were leaving the kids alone! Honestly OP they will be fine. It will only be as much of an issue as you make it.
Tell the 5 year old that her GP are excited about coming for a sleepover. Plan a film or something for them to enjoy and leave the 13 year old to just get on with it.

Original poster
Rainbowbrite85 · 26/06/2021 17:08

He’s been on a residential once, but pre pandemic.
He doesn’t have any friends so has never been on a playdate or sleepover (ASD).
I think they will be physically safe, but the guilt is immense and I do wish I could stop feeling it.

OP posts:
NotTheCatsWhiskers · 26/06/2021 17:10

For a 13 year old to be unhappy to be staying overnight elsewhere is unusual isn’t it? Surely they’ve done school residentials or had sleepovers?

The 5 year old I could understand as they’re younger.

threeteenstaximum · 26/06/2021 17:10

@Rainbowbrite85

Very close with my parents, but very used to being with me and the last 12 months haven’t seen as much of their grandparents and if so it’s been outside. They’re not so used to going round to their house.
Well Covid lockdowns have made an unusual year and isolated people from their families. All the more reason this is a treat and an adventure for them! Of course your DC should be able to go overnight to their GPs! Mine were going on (local) holidays with theirs as well as to stay from age 4 onwards - even better if they went with an older sibling !

You and DP should be able to have a night off, to go to a concert. It's healthy.

NotTheCatsWhiskers · 26/06/2021 17:10

X posted.

Stop feeling guilty. You’re allowed a life outside of your children. You aren’t just mum.

ravelston · 26/06/2021 17:13

Please don't project your anxieties to them.
Going to stay over night with loving GP's should be something they look forward to not get upset about

cocoloco987 · 26/06/2021 17:13

The 5 year old I could understand as they’re younger.

Yes the 5 year old I can kind of understand, especially alone, as covid will have taken her back to quite young to have been doing theses sorts of things, although I'd expect her to be fine with trusted grandparents and a 13 year old sibling still

Doghead · 26/06/2021 17:18

Aww sweetie. You need you time. Your DC will be fine with their grandparents. Stop torturing yourself.

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