To be worried about leaving dc for the night?

[Rainbowbrite85]

I’ve two dc, aged 13 and 5, this will be the first time I’ve left the 5 year old overnight and only the second time I’ve left the 13 year old.
I’m planning on going to an outdoor concert and then staying over and doing some shopping the next day with my best friend.
They’ll be fine, right? I feel really anxious about it and I know they won’t be very happy either (not broken it to them yet). I’m considering cancelling because I’m already catastrophising and I’m not even there yet.

I can't believe you've only left DC1 once in 13 years!
They'll both be fine. If you're worried about tears, slope off while they're in the middle of an activity.
A practical explanation from GPS (mummy had to go home, she'll be back in the morning) should be all it takes.

I think it's a good idea to get children used to being looked after from an early age, so in the case where this has to happen for an emergency it's not a big deal.

Perhaps you need to dig a little deeper into why you have this irrational and excessive guilt?
Where did you get the message from that you should feel guilty? Was it from your mother or grandmother? What was your childhood like with regards to having nights away from your parents or having babysitters?
It is worth getting to the bottom of this because I think what you are describing is not healthy for you.

Yes DH usually isn’t willing for me to go overnight, but because he’s going overnight himself for a night out and my parents have agreed to have the children I’ve seized the opportunity.
Mind you, I’ve not told him yet.

And I’m back to being torn between wanting to go and the guilt again. Men don’t have this, do they?!

Well I am a woman and I certainly don't, its not automatic.

I thought you was a single parent and that’s why you had never left them overnight! I get it though, my oldest has autism and has also never had sleep overs or even play dates, she doesn’t get invited to those kind of things.

YABU to feel guilty.
guilt is a waste of time & mental resources.
cut it out

YANBU for going out for the night and go shopping with a friend. it's a very normal thing to do. have fun!

My DD(12) has ASD and hadn’t spent a night away from me in 18 months. My DP have kindly offered to have her for a few days in august and although I am nervous about being away from her I am telling her what a wonderful time she will have. She is very excited, as are my DP. It’s been a horrible year for them and having their granddaughter to visit will be so special.
Don’t worry, honestly. Everyone will be fine

Yes DH usually isn’t willing for me to go overnight

Um…why?

I have a child with asd too btw.

You need to start leaving them with dh overnight a few times a year.

I assumed from your post their dad wasnt around!

He’s around but it is much easier to leave them with my parents than him. However if he wasn’t out I wouldn’t be able to leave them with my parents either because he’d get annoyed that I’d asked them as it would look bad on him.
I can only manage this because he will be out himself although he probably won’t be very happy about it.

Jesus christ.

How much parenting does your DH do?

So he can’t cope and thinks you shouldn’t leave them?

He thinks I shouldn’t stay away a night, I’m working up the courage to tell him I’m also going to have a night away when he does.

Wtf? Why though? That’s utterly ridiculous. So he can have one but you shouldn’t? Come on!

If I told my DH I was planning on having a night away, his response would be ‘ok, when?’

@Rainbowbrite85

He thinks I shouldn’t stay away a night, I’m working up the courage to tell him I’m also going to have a night away when he does.

Why is it okay for him to be out overnight but not you?

I thought you were a single parent!

So as is so often the case, the root of this problem is a fucking useless man.

It’s difficult

Stay at home, esp if your not going to enjoy yourself- just cancel your concert.

I actually think it's a DH issue rather than a leaving kids with grandparents issue

As is usual for these threads, you have a DH problem.

Why have you allowed him to dictate to you like this? Bonkers.

If you have to 'work up the courage' to tell your DH anything there's something seriously wrong.

If you have to 'work up the courage' to tell your DH anything there's something seriously wrong.

Yep.

It’s always the same, turns out the DH is the problem.

@cupsofcoffee

As is usual for these threads, you have a DH problem.

Why have you allowed him to dictate to you like this? Bonkers.

This …you have a DH problem…are you scared of him ?

@shoofly

I actually think it's a DH issue rather than a leaving kids with grandparents issue

You think?

What a plot twist, was there any one who didn't think the OP was a single parent

Never mind leaving the children overnight you might want to consider leaving another party