To ask people to pay for their children at our wedding

[LoubyLouLou22]

We’re looking into our options for a wedding celebration and most of our friends have children. I have no issue with having children at the wedding but am struggling with the budget and it would save us a significant amount if we didn’t invite children.

Some guests are local and others are spread around the country so I don’t feel like a blanket “no children” would work as it may be difficult for the guests travelling a distance to sort childcare for the weekend.

Would I be unreasonable to put something similar to the following in our invitations?

“whilst we’d love to be able to invite your kids we can’t stretch our budget that far as it would double the numbers, therefore the invite is for you and your partner and you’re welcome to bring your kids at a cost of £x per head”

I think this is fine, I would understand totally and would pay or not pay, depending on the childcare I had available, distance etc.

@BobCatBob

You should organise a wedding you can afford and not expect your guests to pay.

1000%

Either have a child-free wedding or have a smaller wedding (cheaper venue, less guests etc) that you can actually afford. You can’t charge people to attend your wedding. That’s really cringey.

Please don't charge for kids. It's weird.

but you can't invite someone to a wedding without inviting their partner even if you don't know them.

I've actually had this happen to me - a friend who lives an hour and half away so I'd have had to stay over invited me alone because she doesn't know my partner even though I'd been with him five years and lived with him!

I politely declined the invite. I just thought, fuck that.

Why is it the kids that need paying for? Seems rather arbitrary to me.

@RampantIvy

Lots of people dread weddings

I often see this on mumsnet. Do they really dread weddings? Really?

They don't have to go if they don't want to.

Oh yes plenty of us really dread weddings.

I wish it were that easy - turning down an invite can cause offense too!

I think in these times I'd just be happy for you to have the wedding you've been waiting for.
If that meant I'd be paying for my children so we could all help you celebrate l I'd be more than happy to do so

I wouldn't be bothered by this tbh, we have just said no children unless family and everyone is coming. It is £30 a head for children at our wedding and there would be 28 children. I'm not working my wedding around other people's children.

Either invite them or don't invited them. Either host them or don't host them. But no, you absolutely cannot charge people for them. FWIW we had family children and babes in arms, yes a few guests didn't come as a result but everyone understood. Our guest list would have increased by 30 had we invited all kids.

Erm - unless you're Ariana Grande, no one is going to pay for their kids to see you.

If you can't afford, you should review your guest list and reduce it, perhaps there are some really close friends or family members who you really would love to be present and others who are merely acquaintances. Not inviting children would possibly mean that some of the people who are closer to you and dp wouldn't be able to attend. Asking for guests to pay for their children is very weird imo.

Children's food doesn't cost as much as adults - it doesn't double the cost. At my wedding although children were welcome only those with babies and close family brought them. My friends all wanted to enjoy themselves so got babysitters/grandparents in.

Is our mistake that we invite too many friends? All the weddings I went to as a child were almost all family, maybe a best man and one or two bridesmaid would be friends.

I had a handful of friends at my wedding (30 years ago) and I don't see any of them now, even the best man and bridesmaid. No failings out or anything, it's just that life moves on. I am still in touch with all the family.

Maybe don't invite so many people who are only transient in your life and numbers won't be such a problem.

The trouble is OP & her OH presumably want their friends and family, not kids who they don’t really know/have a relationship with. If they invite and pay for other people’s DC, then that curtails the list of people who they know and want there. I’ve also heard excuses like “Oh, they wouldn’t eat much”, a caterer or venue will charge a flat fee per head, not based on how much food is actually eaten!

Just have a blanket no kids. Or babes in arms only.
You can’t ask ppl to pay for their kids. Please don’t .

You dont do that 🙈 its rude beyond belief and will guarantee you eternal bridezilla status

I wouldn’t have a problem paying and wouldn’t be offended but as a host this would never be an option for me.

@ChrissyPlummer

The trouble is OP & her OH presumably want their friends and family, not kids who they don’t really know/have a relationship with. If they invite and pay for other people’s DC, then that curtails the list of people who they know and want there. I’ve also heard excuses like “Oh, they wouldn’t eat much”, a caterer or venue will charge a flat fee per head, not based on how much food is actually eaten!

Don't invite kids then. If the friends and family are close enough to her then they will find childcare arrangements. Babes in arms won't cost anything for food so she can stop worrying about that. If your friends can't find childcare for a few hours then really (other than in exceptional circumstances) they don't want to and they aren't close enough friends to be there anyway.

@ArrrMeHearties

You dont do that 🙈 its rude beyond belief and will guarantee you eternal bridezilla status

Normally, I'd agree with you but I'm so desperate to get out I'd probably sell a child to be able to go 😂

The kids are guests too, you know. Are there any other categories of guest that you’d like to charge to attend?

“Whilst we’d love to be able to invite vegetarians, we can’t stretch our budget that far as it would complicate the catering. Therefore the invite is for you as a meat-eater, and you’re welcome to bring any vegetarian members of your family at a cost of £x per head”

This is pretty simple tbh and whether or not they are children is a complete red herring. Decide on the maximum number of guests you can afford. Make a priority list of who you want there.
Above the line get to come, below don’t.

But the idea of asking other people to fund your wedding and effectively ‘charging’ them to come is abhorrent

If there is a budget problem, why does I have to be a sit down meal? Rather than ask people to pay for children why not have canapés or a buffet and spend a little on a children's entertainer, bouncy castle and helpers.

You are considering charging people to come to your wedding.
Oh dear!
If you can't afford it, scale it down.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with this

You are giving your guests the option