To ask people to pay for their children at our wedding

[LoubyLouLou22]

We’re looking into our options for a wedding celebration and most of our friends have children. I have no issue with having children at the wedding but am struggling with the budget and it would save us a significant amount if we didn’t invite children.

Some guests are local and others are spread around the country so I don’t feel like a blanket “no children” would work as it may be difficult for the guests travelling a distance to sort childcare for the weekend.

Would I be unreasonable to put something similar to the following in our invitations?

“whilst we’d love to be able to invite your kids we can’t stretch our budget that far as it would double the numbers, therefore the invite is for you and your partner and you’re welcome to bring your kids at a cost of £x per head”

I'm usually up for inviting DC for a wedding tbf OP many DC running about would be a lot of stress.
Tell local guests if they've trouble with childcare the DC can come by in the evening.
I'm sure they know you're not wealthy so if you are happy for them to be there they can pay.
Or change your invites to no boxed gifts over no gifts refill your purse.

I wouldn’t have a problem with this. I don’t really think children of guests are your responsibility. They are not at the wedding in their own right as guests, usually. It’s probably cheaper for parents than paying for a babysitter, and you’ve done them a favour by saying they can come along too.

You cannot be serious ... ( John McEnroe style)

No, if you are hosting you need to pay. You can’t charge guests to attend a wedding. Either go child free, cut the guest list or save longer.

Personally I think inviting children is optional, although I like to see them included in what is essentially a family event, but you can't invite someone to a wedding without inviting their partner even if you don't know them.

I find the whole dream wedding venue thing really distressing actually. Who's dream is it? Mostly the marketing people's. Have a simple wedding if that's what you can afford, or frankly even if you can afford more. Why would you start married life pretending to be people you're not?

@Boomisshiss I disagree with you too. Good job it's not our wedding!

This wouldn't bother me at all. I guess it depends on how uptight your friends/family are likely to be.

We had to pay for our wedding ourselves and had to limit the number to 40 (I didn't have bridesmaids, a smart car, flowers were minimal). For that reason we explained to our family and friends we weren't inviting children - everyone accepted it.

I’ve never ever been to a wedding and had to pay.
It’s odd.
If you can’t afford all your guests then reduce the numbers or change venue… don’t ask people to pay to attend your wedding.

This wouldn’t offend me at all. I’d probably choose to go without my kids, but would be grateful for the option to take them if there wasn’t childcare available.

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

How about you combine it with the idea of a childminder and a 'party' room for the kids, so parents can see what the kids will be getting. Personally I'd be more than happy to pay for this, knowing I'd be able to relax and enjoy the wedding whilst the kids were having fun.

@IntoAir

You’re not rich. Don’t pretend to be, or you’ll be paying for this for a long time, and give unrealistic expectations right from the start, it could take longer to pay it off than the time spent married.

So START with the guest list. Look at who you want to share this with from the beginning and then work out what money you have and then see where your our budget will stretch

The whole industry that’s been created around wedding is obscene

All of this - so wise.

Your wedding should reflect and celebrate who you are, not some vulgar show which you can’t really afford.

The liveliest wedding parties I’ve been to have been held in family homes and gardens, or community halls. I’ve helped family do the flowers, make the dresses, and also the puddings for the wedding breakfast. Lovely lovely weddings which were a celebration of who the couple really were. Not some pretend lifestyle.

This is so true!

Our wedding was so simple in many ways and within a reasonable budget, but still had 70 guests for the day and about 30 more in the evening. Church first, then a lovely country pub for the reception meal and party after. I put my own wedding outfit together from h&m and some boot sales, haha! Flowers from a friend's garden. Decorations from £1 shop and charity shops. No bridesmaids or page boys. Guests were our photographers. Table gifts were personalised Mr men and Little miss books, mostly good second hand. My husband's ring was made out of a Victorian coin by a friend. So lots of quirks and uniqueness that didn't break the bank or were free.
Most of the budget went on the food because we wanted everyone to really enjoy that. And it was well worth it

Embarrassing rude to ask anyone to pay. It's your day, your party, so you pay. You're the ones deciding to get married and are inviting people to go, don't then make poe pay for that "privilege."

Haha so rude!!! Either go child free or pay for the kids.

You cannot possibly expect some of your guests to pay to attend your wedding, and others not.

Actually the best wedding I went to only had 38 guests and that included several children.

It was a simple pub lunch after the ceremony but they had arranged a children's entertainer which was fun and meant the adults had a relaxing day.

It sometimes seems to me that big weddings are a bit of a demonstration of popularity. I quite often get an invitation and think "why me?" it's as if far from trying to keep numbers down , people are trying to make the numbers up. Invite the people who are important to you. How can that possibly run into 100s?

As a parent I wouldn't be bothered as long as the cost wasn't too much.

It wouldn't offend me at all but then I've never really understood the MN offence mentality. However I wouldn't attend I suspect. I'm afraid I wouldn't be prepared to spend money on it but in fairness nor would I spend money on babysitting. I would happily wish you well and buy a wedding present and genuinely hope you had a lovely day but I'm afraid I wouldn't pay to attend either way.

Substitute child for partner and see how that sounds. As our friend you come in free but sorry, your partner has to pay.
Children arnt some second class optional accessory- they are part of that family unit!
If anyone I know invited me to a wedding like this is would negatively change my view of them forever

@Christoncrutches

Whats the major cost for kids? Just do some party lunch bags with sandwiches etc and bung in some treats et voila.

That's just as bad, or even worse.
I'd be very offended if my kids got a couple of sarnies if the rest of us were getting a 3 course meal.

Change your menu so that you can feed everyone you want to invite.

You can't charge your guests to bring their kids. It's either you invite them or don't.. If people really want to come they'll find the childcare.

I'd be fine with it but don't write it on the invites!!!!

Send out the invites to the parents then phone, or even better in person, tell them.

You can't charge for the kids.

I read an invite my friend had received and it basically said that the celebration was aimed at adults however your attendance is the most important and therefore kids are welcome if needed. It was phraised a bit better.

No, no and thrice no. You can't do this. You'll be a laughing stock.

One million percent no.

You invite guests to the wedding you’re paying for. Guests do not make contributions. So you either pay for the children’s meals or have a child free wedding - there are no circumstances where it’s acceptable to ask guests to pay.