To not give baby’s dad the birth certificate?

[swiftt]

I gave birth last week and have just been to register baby today with baby’s dad. We’re not together but are co-parenting as friends - using that term loosely for now. I paid to have the full birth certificate issued at the time of registration. He said straight away that we could the split the certificates so one of us have the abbreviated one and one the full. I said I’d rather keep them together. When we got back to the car, he snapped and said I shouldn’t get to have the final say in everything, he wants something that’s part of her too (it’s a bloody piece of paper?!) and I shouldn’t get to keep them both. I have no idea if I’m being unreasonable by wanting to keep them both together and with me, but I can’t see a reason why he would need one apart from to be petty and ensure he has half of it for the sake of it. Am I being unreasonable?

Sorry but I think you are. If it’s only a piece of paper what harm does it do to let him have one?

You’re going to be tied to this person for a long time and I would pick the battles and not sweat the smaller stuff.

Tell him to buy his own copy then

Are you both British Nationals? Unless you’re scared he’ll use it to apply for a passport and take her abroad, I can’t see any issue with him having one.

Pay £11 and he can have his own copy.

He can order his own copy quite easily. Tell him to get on with that and you may need both in the future. Did he offer to split the cost half with you in the first place?

When we registered our daughters birth we just paid for an extra copy....surely you/he could just order one online?

If his name is on it he can order his own copy.

Is he likely to try and get a passport with it?

If he can't be bothered to pay £11 and get his own copy it's clearly not that important to him.

No he doesn't need it. It's her birth certificate not his ffs. You need to send it off for child benefit do you do actually need it. Tell him you have to send both pieces and when they come back put them away where he won't find them and then forget.

YABU if your reasoning is that 'its just a piece of paper'. Cause if you believe that then why not give him both copies to keep? That way they can be kept together with him instead?

If you have no worries about him using it for bad reasons (eg. Applying for a passport to take the baby out of the country) then it might be nice to order another copy for him to keep. Maybe even put it in a cheap frame or something as an olive branch.

Just get an extra copy. I think he should have a copy of his own.

It is a public record. He can pay and order his own copy from the Public Records Office. No need for any argument or debate about it surely.

@Viviennemary

Just get an extra copy. I think he should have a copy of his own.

He can pay for it though.

I’ve told him to order a copy if he really wants one. I’m not happy to give him both pieces either as I’m the primary caregiver and will more likely need them, at least more than he will. I’d be more understanding if he had a genuine reason for wanting them, but it just feels petty to me. But I do want to pick my battles and this doesn’t feel like the hill I’m ready to die on!

Well yeah he could have just said he wanted a copy when you went to register and coughed up for it at the time.

He can order his own copy. Or make him a little pack of photos and her hospital bracelet, plus one of the hospital sheets with her birth weight, time, date, length etc.

I understand him wanting something but he doesn't need her birth certificate. He could use it to apply for child benefit or a passport. Think of it as her security until you are sure of his motives.

Hardly in the spirit of co-operative co-parenting to keep both. Unless you’re afraid of something why can’t you just give him one.

@JulesM73

Sorry but I think you are. If it’s only a piece of paper what harm does it do to let him have one? You’re going to be tied to this person for a long time and I would pick the battles and not sweat the smaller stuff.

Absolutely this. YABVU.

You’re equal parents - you don’t get to have more, you’re not more important nor do you take precedence just because you’re the mum.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to want to keep the certificates together, and also for you to say that if he wanted to pay for one, he could have done that.

But I would wonder if this isn't really about a deeper issue, given his response? Does he feel as if you're going to be the one deciding everything? Maybe he's feeling nervous about how it's all going to work. You must have had discussions about what the arrangement would be before the baby was born, but it's not unusual for everything to feel different when the actual baby is there.

I'd just take it as an opportunity to talk things through again and see if you can get to the bottom of how each of you feels and what this relationship you have with your daughter is going to look like.

I paid to have the full birth certificate issued at the time of registration. He said straight away that we could the split the certificates so one of us have the abbreviated one and one the full

So you paid for it and now he wants to benefit from the fact you paid?

Just tell him to pay for his own like you did.

I’d be more understanding if he had a genuine reason for wanting them

You know fine well this is just the start. No one has any “genuine reason” for wanting lots of things to do with their children. There is no logical reason to keep a first lock of hair, teeth, hospital band, etc. Do you get first dibs on everything?

You could order an official copy of the certificate for him? I did that for all my children, to have some extra official copies around. The long and short certificates serve slightly different purposes (the short one isn’t accepted in many places but can sometimes be useful if you need to prove age without wanting to disclose all the details on the long certificate, whereas the long one is the one you’ll need most of the time) so I do see that it makes sense to keep her paperwork together. Sounds like this is one of many things on your co-parenting journey that you need to discuss with him - it would be sensible for the future to decide to keep all her paperwork together rather than having to work out who has what when you come to need it. And HE doesn’t get the final say on everything either! He can’t just decide something and say you have to go along with it. If he’s feeling a bit like he’s missing out generally then he needs to talk to you about that. Also you only had a baby very recently so it’s understandable it might take a little while to work things out (and congratulations on your baby!).

YANBU to want to keep them. If he wants one for himself he can easily purchase another copy.

But the whole episode doesn't bode well for your future of co-parenting.

You will need it to register at the doctors right? Its been awhile but im sure i needed my sons fir the doctors dentist and child benefit (apply for that ASAP)

He can buy his own its just a piece of paper yes that YOU paid for

I would be concerned that he is going to be troublesome now he has PR judging by this reaction