Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give baby’s dad the birth certificate?

138 replies

swiftt · 25/06/2021 15:21

I gave birth last week and have just been to register baby today with baby’s dad. We’re not together but are co-parenting as friends - using that term loosely for now. I paid to have the full birth certificate issued at the time of registration. He said straight away that we could the split the certificates so one of us have the abbreviated one and one the full. I said I’d rather keep them together. When we got back to the car, he snapped and said I shouldn’t get to have the final say in everything, he wants something that’s part of her too (it’s a bloody piece of paper?!) and I shouldn’t get to keep them both. I have no idea if I’m being unreasonable by wanting to keep them both together and with me, but I can’t see a reason why he would need one apart from to be petty and ensure he has half of it for the sake of it. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
tallduckandhandsome · 26/06/2021 00:49

It's not trivial at all, OP.

I suspect it's a control thing, wanting the birth certificate you paid for rather than just getting another copy.

He has cooked once in 2 weeks. What a prince.

tallduckandhandsome · 26/06/2021 00:50

@DeflatedGinDrinker

Yabu why do you need 2? Let him have the short one.
Because she paid for them whilst he just stood there?
LoopTheLoops · 26/06/2021 00:55

I think the sooner you get him out the better tbh, you will get use to being on your own and it sounds like at the moment you are both rubbing each other up the wrong way, the space between you will be good this isn’t a healthy situation.

PubicMenace · 26/06/2021 00:57

Ultimately these certificates belong to her and your job is to keep them safe for her. He doesn't need her birth certificate but obviously he can get the copy as a memento I suppose.

NumberTheory · 26/06/2021 07:58

@PubicMenace

Ultimately these certificates belong to her and your job is to keep them safe for her. He doesn't need her birth certificate but obviously he can get the copy as a memento I suppose.
No they don't. OP paid for the long certificate. It belongs to OP. The details in the register are about the child. The certificates themselves are just pieces of paper whose ownership is determined by our normal property laws.

The OP's job isn't to "keep them safe for her". It's to make sure the OP has the paperwork necessary to ensure her DD gets the services needed. That's all. They are, after all, just a copy of the details in the resgister and easily replaceable for a small fee.

diddl · 26/06/2021 08:28

@tallduckandhandsome

It's not trivial at all, OP.

I suspect it's a control thing, wanting the birth certificate you paid for rather than just getting another copy.

He has cooked once in 2 weeks. What a prince.

I was thinking that he doesn't seem to have done much.

I'd do as much (little!) for a friend/neighbour!

ElephantOfRisk · 26/06/2021 09:22

Everything else aside, the birth certificate issue isn't really an issue.

The answer is that at the moment while there are things that need a certificate maybe posted out and others that might need shown a certificate, you want to have both available. He's welcome to take a photo of one and if he needs the paper copy for some reason and you have both available then of course he is welcome to borrow the short one. Or he can pay for his own copy to keep.

AgentJohnson · 26/06/2021 11:22

Oh FFS! No one benefits from this petty one up man ship. You might of thought that the current arrangement was the best of both worlds but experience suggests it’s the worst.

PurpleRainDancer · 26/06/2021 11:24

@dementedpixie

Tell him to buy his own copy then
This
MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 26/06/2021 11:37

I hate it when people tell the mother of a newborn baby that she isn't more important than the father. Yes, she is. She has literally grown and birthed that baby. A baby who relies on her for everything. And needs her. The baby in all honesty doesn't give a fuck if its dad is there, but it sure as hell needs its mum.
Dads become equally important down the line, when they really can contribute 50%!

I would keep those documents with me. You will need them for all sorts of things. Don't let him pressure you into giving up the things which are important to your parenting. He has years to bond with his child, so don't let him hassle you into changing how you feed or being away from baby overnight until you are ready. He is not an equal parent yet, not should he be!

JulesM73 · 26/06/2021 12:54

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

I hate it when people tell the mother of a newborn baby that she isn't more important than the father. Yes, she is. She has literally grown and birthed that baby. A baby who relies on her for everything. And needs her. The baby in all honesty doesn't give a fuck if its dad is there, but it sure as hell needs its mum. Dads become equally important down the line, when they really can contribute 50%!

I would keep those documents with me. You will need them for all sorts of things. Don't let him pressure you into giving up the things which are important to your parenting. He has years to bond with his child, so don't let him hassle you into changing how you feed or being away from baby overnight until you are ready. He is not an equal parent yet, not should he be!

Sorry but I disagree. Mums are important of course they are but if the mum isn’t around for whatever reason then the dad can be just as capable of loving and looking after the baby as well as a mum. The only thing he can’t do is breastfeeding. It doesn’t have to be that one person is more important than the other. I am not saying that’s the case here by the way
MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 26/06/2021 14:23

If the mum isn't there then an alternative carer has to do. But she is there and for the baby she really is the best option. She is everything the baby has known for 9 months.

ivykaty44 · 26/06/2021 14:29

he can go back to the register office and pay for a copy, its not a big deal to get another birth certificate

I doubt he will though, he's making a fuss for the sake of making a fuss

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread