To be upset at this little girls comment?

[MiaMarshmallows]

Met up with a friend last night and she bought along her 6 year old granddaughter. My grandkids were also there so we went to the park. One of them asked my GD 'Why does your nan have such a long nose?' It wasn't meant for my ears but it really upset me.
I am physically very unattractive but aibu for me to get down about it from time to time especially when comments get made. I know she is only a child but throughout my life I have had comments on my nose, flat chest, needing a makeover etc. I shouldn't care at my age. But it hurts.

i have had a squint in my eye since i was 2 (1965) spent ages with eye patches and going to the eye hospital, i still have the squint, kids over the years have asked about it, i usually say its to balance my face or if they took it away i would fall over, i have severe psoriasis on my arms, children stare and some ask, i tell them its just because the skin grown too quickly. i have never considered myself good looking but i think people like me because i am chatty, helpful, funny and very easy to talk to, beauty is on the inside...not just the outside.

Thank you all again.
Obviously I'm not going to post my photo but I am a very ugly woman. So I'm sure all of you who say you have never seen an ugly woman before would change their minds if they saw me. I just hope my personality wins out so I'm not seen as badly as I think I am.

I wouldn’t underestimate the simple act of smiling either, OP. All faces look better smiling.

Children are extremely blunt. My first grandchild once said to me, "Nana, you're so old. Why aren't you dead yet?" I was 46 at the time. One of my granddaughters believes in telling the truth and can't understand when she has hurt people's feelings. My daughter has had to have several talks with her about being truthful in a kindly way and looking for good things to say about people.

This little girl's remark has clearly hurt you because you have very low self esteem where your appearance is concerned. It's highly unlikely that other people see you in such a negative way as you see yourself. My mum was very self-conscious about her nose, which she was convinced was too big. She used to think that people were looking at it, and even thought that if there was an empty seat next to her on the bus it was because no one wanted to sit next to her because of her nose! In reality, she had a lovely, kind face and people were very fond of her for her gentle nature. No one cared in the slightest about the size of her nose. She was the only one who worried about the way she looked. I bet that the same applies to you.

@RickiTarr

I wouldn’t underestimate the simple act of smiling either, OP. All faces look better smiling.

I absolutely hate being told to smile more.

I wonder how often men get told to do that?

Also OP, no you are not unreasonable at all. Yes kids say these things innocently but it still hurts. Especially if it is something you have an existing sensitivity too. For me it is that I permanently look tired. I always have. I know that. I try to cover it with makeup but that only does so much. Comments that I look tired cut deep, even though they are nearly never meant maliciously, since I left high school anyway.

I absolutely hate being told to smile more.

How interesting. What’s that got to do with my observation that smiling transforms a face? It wasn’t an instruction.

I wonder how often men get told to do that?

Are you RingTWT? I was responding to - or more following on from - the post about Roald Dahl and OP’s own comment about personality. It wasn’t sex specific. It wasn’t even specific to OP.

Meh I think it’s a bit wet to care about the opinion of a child really. Your nose is your nose who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks about it? I have a galactic sized arse and people have commented on it before but it’s their problem not mine. Learn to give zero fucks and you’ll feel so much better about yourself.

Please don't call yourself unattractive. Everyone is beautiful in their own way x

Children are honest. But its the way they are taught about how uou are suppose to look! Pinocchio had a long nose....hence children will say someone has a long nose. They disnt necessarily say you were usly did they? You should have told them you were related to Pinocchio....lol. Alao educate them. Beauty is only skin deep. True beauty comes from within. If you want to enhance the bits younfeel better about juat thinknof all the exciti g things you can do. Learn to do professional make up. Wear a padded brah...but above all be a nice person. Which to me it sounds as thou you are. I will never dorget my little sister when she was 3 ( I was 11)saying to my mum......look at that little lady! ( a dwarf) and my mum running away with her as fast as she could going hshsss hshss to my little sister. 😂
I have taught my children that people xome in all different sizes and shapes and that it is how they behave which makes them beautiful.

OP I work with troubled teens
One of them called me a an old grey fat ugly cunt the other day! 🤣 just her perspective I guess

Thanks all. Some very kind comments. But unfortunately, looks wise, I have always been a very unattractive lady. I just hate the thought of the girl going home to her beautiful mum who is in her thirties with dark hair, blue eyes and an amazing figure. I bet she thinks 'Christ. I am so lucky I don't look like Mia.'
Thanks for the kindness. Mumsnet can be very supportive at times and I appreciate that.

Kids don't think like this OP - You're building this up in your head to something it's not!
Kids care about who is kind and who are nice to them. Just because she commented on your nose it doesn't mean it was negative

When I am feeling down about myself I already think of those less fortunate. I hate my wrinkles and fat tummy and my crooked teeth, but there a people far worse off and I have many blessings to be thank full for

The way I see it, there will always be women who are more beautiful than me but I go by Dr Seuss’ saying that there will never be anyone youer than you. The older I get, the less other people’s opinions matter.

If your body works well, you are definitely not giving it enough credit and we are all our own harshest critics (well, apart from tactless little kids 😉).

Also, not to point out the obvious, but if you’re a grandmother, that suggests that someone found you attractive enough to make a baby with 😁

I bet you aren't as ugly as you think you are. Fixations with parts of our bodies is usually caused by negative comments in childhood or not conforming to a certain fashionable aesthetic. You have DGC therefore at some point a man was attracted to you, however partners can also erode our self confidence as women. A client of mine once remarked that her DH wouldn't take her on holiday as she was too fat, so she lost weight and went to the gym and then he said she was too thin! She realised that it wasn't her with the problem, it was him, ditched him and got together with her personal trainer.

I would suggest that you seek help with your self confidence and in the meanwhile accentuate the bits you like. Having small breasts means you can buy nice bras or even go braless without great big saggy appendages getting in the way. Give yourself a break, most of us have things we don't like about ourselves. Building confidence can be really liberating. Good luck

I always get "why do your teeth stick out?" Haha!!!! I have my two 'fang ' teeth sticking out more than others as i was too terrified to get a brace when i was 12!.. I've also been called fat.. (when i was at my slimmest.. that hurt! Lol)

I'm no beauty. I've accepted that. You need acceptance.

My friends daughter once said to me why have you got such big fat legs. Kids can be so brutally honest.

Have it done if it bothers you. I hated mine and it’s the best money I’ve ever spent.

Problem is there is too much I want done.
Nose job
Boob job as I practically have no boobs
Lip fillers
Tummy tuck

I can't afford all that. I will just have to somehow accept this is me however much it upsets me.

I’m really fat, droopy boobs, loads wrong. But my nose was out there all day every day and it honestly has changed my life.

The other stuff I can cover up 😂

It’s hard, I know: I work with children, so my skin has had to get very thick!

@MiaMarshmallows

I just hate being so ugly. Feel jealous of even average looking women.

Aw thats such a shame. She is an innocent kid.

However she has touched a nerve. You need to invest in your appearance, to take care of yourself and your good bits.

Personally I like big/regal noses. If its just a bump you can try filler by an aesthetic doctor to minimaluse the bump?

We expect perfection of ourselves but not of other people. Be kind to yourself.

Get a new hair cut, go the gym, do a sport and start to love yourself.

Best wishes xxx

Oh I feel you...I had a big nose and all sorts of comments, Concorde used to fly over our primary school so that was my nickname too...we'd all go out to watch it and I wouldn't want to, I'd cry. Kids can be so mean.

I had an accident which resulted in a nose job and I felt much better about myself in general - but my nose is still not small!! There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself, from buying a new lippie to getting surgery if you want to.

But I bet you are not ugly...I always thought so too, and still know I'm not a model but who cares. I have taken a self-esteem course which really helped, and some CBT. It's these mini-traumas that are embedded deep in you, probably all the way from pre-verbal time. Find them, work on them - get help to do so. That constant low-level misery is soul-sucking.

Personally I like tapping (EFT), time in nature/water is amazing, and that course which was via my mental health team. Whatever works for you; I've tried lots!

Sending big hugs.

@FuckUcuntychops

Meh I think it’s a bit wet to care about the opinion of a child really. Your nose is your nose who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks about it? I have a galactic sized arse and people have commented on it before but it’s their problem not mine. Learn to give zero fucks and you’ll feel so much better about yourself.

THIS 👌🏻😁

Also... Those that suggest fixing your issues with surgery etc. ARE the problem. It's utterly infuriating, especially, when there are so many stories about people who can't stop or die from it.

The more you accept others opinions, the more you will find about yourself to change. Everyones idea of the perfect body/feature is different too so when do you stop letting others define your beauty!?

Work on you INSIDE not out!

P.S. DH pointed out that the 6yo apparently said "Why does your nan have a long nose?" NOT why is it ugly or similar. What kids say and what we think they mean is, too often, very different.

@Norwegianleatherindustry

There is a nice thing by Ronald Dahl about ugliness and how, if you are a decent person, you can’t ever be ugly. You might be plain as many of us are, but not ugly.

One of my favourites - always make me smile. It’s so true.