To be upset at this little girls comment?

[MiaMarshmallows]

Met up with a friend last night and she bought along her 6 year old granddaughter. My grandkids were also there so we went to the park. One of them asked my GD 'Why does your nan have such a long nose?' It wasn't meant for my ears but it really upset me.
I am physically very unattractive but aibu for me to get down about it from time to time especially when comments get made. I know she is only a child but throughout my life I have had comments on my nose, flat chest, needing a makeover etc. I shouldn't care at my age. But it hurts.

That is hurtful - if it was my daughter I would have said it’s unkind to comment on people’s appearances. I always tell mine you only comment if it’s a compliment. I would remember though that she is only six and would not have meant to be hurtful.

I was guilty of making observations not realising they were coming across as judgmental, even later into early adulthood. I was diagnosed with autism far too late - I didn't realise that anyone thought that anything like this was meant to be offensive. It was an observation that was the same to me as "it's a bit grey out today" or "you're wearing a green jumper".

You're not being unreasonable, no - but please try to remember she's a young child who has no filter and didn't say anything to hurt you or likely even intend it to be hurtful.

Last week a child came up to me and told me that my face looked weird. I know what he meant because one side of my face was puffy and swollen and red. I was taken aback. But there wasn't any judgment in it at all. He just noticed something and wanted to tell someone.

I'm another one that works with children and you would think I was hideously ugly from the comments I get.
Bug eyes.
Alien eyes.
Big nose.
Buck teeth.
Huge teeth.
Wire hair.
Ratty hair.
Fat.
Big fat tummy.
Big bum.

Now op, I want to let you know that kids have zero nuance. Take the eyes one. My eyes are actually my best feature. They're also big, but not unattractive so. But kids lack the understanding that my eyes are striking, not horribly big, so I have got some strange comments about them. I'm able to laugh that one off easily.
But my teeth are odd. So those comments do hurt. Even though there's no logic to taking one to heart and not the other.
Is there a way you can work on your self esteem?

She doesn't know what she is doing wrong, but of course, it still stings.

I once read somewhere that you should never draw attention to something negative in someone's appearance that cannot be changed in half a minute (like spinach between the teeth vs. a pimple, for example). I hope to teach my future kids as well.

I've been told I look a bit like Celine Deon, I'm not really sure about that, maybe a fatter, wrinklier version these days, but I certainly have a similar nose. I always hated it growing up, have had a few unkind comments about it and if I could have afforded it I would have had a nose job. And then one day, in my late 30's, a random colleague that I barely knew and who was a different nationality, changed that. I was taking something to her on another floor in the building and was standing at her desk waiting for her to finish on a call and could see her staring at me which made me a bit paranoid. When she finished, she sighed and said "Oh, Prickles, I do love your nose, it's so straight and strong, I wish mine was like that...!"

Silly, but it genuinely made me see my huge honker in an entirely different light and I've become quite fond of it!

Oh OP, I had short hair a few years ago and I heard a kid ask their parent if I was a boy or a girl. LOL. I've also been called pretty by another child, they literally spew out whatever is on their brain. I went home and cried that day, but to them, they had literally no idea. I was in a hoodie, baggy trousers, and had short hair, they probably saw a feminine face with 'boy's hair' and baggy clothes and couldn't tell. Kids are thoughtless, and often completely wrong, don't worry about it at all xx

Just so you know op very, very few people are actually that unattractive. I think most people get the idea they are from the media, which has very few average lookers around. It's self esteem that's likely to be your issue here, and what you perceive not being fully reflective of what others see.

As other posters have pointed out, lots of very striking women like Celine Dion, Sarah Jessica Parker and Paris Hilton have long noses.
In fact even if you were just sticking to awful standards of beauty like fhm top 100 you'd still find people like Davina McCall and Sarah Michelle Cellar on there.

I doubt that she meant anything negative. For a child, 'big' is usually a favourable comment rather than the reverse.

A friend told me some years ago that her 2-year-old daughter once looked adoringly into her face, before making the (probably intended to be admiring!) remark 'Big nose, Mummy!' On Mother's Day, no less!

I do think that a child as old as 6 should be beginning to realize that it's bad manners to comment on a person's appearance in their presence, or indeed at all in public. But I am sure that she was not implying that she thought you were unattractive.

YANU for being hurt. That's human. I remember when I was at my largest size (over 300 pounds, US) and a little girl asked her pregnant mother, "MOMMY! How many babies does she HAVE IN THERE?" It almost killed me. But that's kids...they are painfully honest about their feelings.
That said, this is what I have learned...everyone on this earth is someone's "dream mate." And since you are a nan, you found the one who thought you are. Remember those who love you just as you are, who treasure the heart and soul of you, and when someone says something hurtful, recite those names to yourself. It will still hurt, but not much or as long.

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Of course YANBU to be hurt - children can be unintentionally rude or even cruel.

However we try to rationalise them away, these little cuts are painful.

However we try to rationalise them away, these little cuts are painful

and there I thought you were referring to the children 😂😂

I wouldn’t be offended at this, my nose is big.lol But Iv taught my kids not to be rude from an early age. I don’t know what she the girl was, not read the comments.

Sorry never noticed the 6 years old.

A little boy asked me what was wrong with my nose once. It was 18 years ago. Still stings.

OP I've had many comments from children - apparently I look 72 years old (I'm in my 40s), why are my teeth yellow? why is there silver in my hair? why is my tummy flabby? etc etc. You really need to be kind to yourself and put it in context - she is just a little girl. Please do not be so hard on yourself about how you look - we all have aspects we'd like to change, but it is important to come to terms with our looks and our uniqueness and not try to fit some unattainable ideal. Unmumsnetty hugs OP.

Don't let it bother you for one second longer. I have a largish nose too. I now just accept it.

I was once told by a specialist physician (allergist) that a big nose was a sign of intelligence. I am not sure it's true but I'll take it.

This is all about how you see yourself not about what this small child thinks.
Children are not ‘brutal’ they are observant, curious and honest.
In the past I’ve had comments from kids about the staining on my teeth, my red face (rosacea) and my moles! These things are true facts about me. Most children don’t mean to be hurtful.
They just question differences.

@MiaMarshmallows

I just hate being so ugly. Feel jealous of even average looking women.

You have no idea of how other's perceive you. I had a friend comment on a mutual friend, ' You know how X feels self-conscious about being so unattractive'

And I said, ' Does she? I think she's got some really attractive features'

And even people considered ' unattractive' find people who find them attractive and form relationships with them.

I remember going swimming on holiday 12 years ago, and two children being in the pool. One said to the other “look at that lady’s legs!”
I’m overweight and have big legs. It still hurts now when I think about it. I now wear leggings when I go swimming.

Bless you OP I bet you look much better than you think you do! Children are not known for their tact. All we can do is teach them never to comment on other people's appearances, even if they think they are saying something nice.

Op, your nose obviously hasn't stopped you having relationships so somebody found you attractive.

I used to have terrible, awful and painful cystic acne all over my face.
My niece once asked her mum in front of me why does auntie have chickenpox on her face. Hurt my feelings so badly at the time so you’re not being unreasonable.
I did try and remember that she was only a child and brushed it aside but at the time it hurt.

I'm sorry you feel like this, but the older I've gotten the more I've realised how little it matters. There are miserable good looking people, supposedly "ugly" people, people in between, like statically, you probably are - what would the world be if we all looked the same - no fun at all.
Please see this as a silly thing from a little child. I promise you, those close to you see the sunbeams radiating out of your eyes, like this Roald Dahl quote "A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

@VodkaSlimline

Bless you OP I bet you look much better than you think you do! Children are not known for their tact. All we can do is teach them never to comment on other people's appearances, even if they think they are saying something nice.

@VodkaSlimline

Bless you OP I bet you look much better than you think you do!

THIS! ^

Nowt wrong with a long nose op....don't let it get to you.

@MiaMarshmallows

Oh shit that's awful, and I'm sorry, 'little girl' or not, that is rude. I have 2 kids (now in their 20s,) and they have NEVER said anything like this. Saying rude, personal comments about someone's appearance to their face is just not on to be honest. (Not great behind their back either...) And NO, it's not 'acceptable' because it's a child. It's NOT OK for even a little girl to say stuff like this. She is clearly being brought up badly.

ALSO I doubt you are very unattractive!

I am so sorry for you, you must feel shitty. I have had people say stuff to me in the past, but it's always been about my weight 'oooh BEAR, you have put some weight on!' And it's always a fucking woman who says it. My age or older. It's never a much younger one.

I am currently an OK weight, maybe 1 and a half stone overweight, and these same women never say 'you lost weight.'