To be upset at this little girls comment?

[MiaMarshmallows]

Met up with a friend last night and she bought along her 6 year old granddaughter. My grandkids were also there so we went to the park. One of them asked my GD 'Why does your nan have such a long nose?' It wasn't meant for my ears but it really upset me.
I am physically very unattractive but aibu for me to get down about it from time to time especially when comments get made. I know she is only a child but throughout my life I have had comments on my nose, flat chest, needing a makeover etc. I shouldn't care at my age. But it hurts.

Yanbu of course because feelings aren't wrong but I did a freecycle well before lockdown, craft stuff, and the people turned up wit their lovely daughter. She wanted to give me a hug and then said happily. "Your Boobies are MUCH bigger than Mummy's" Mummy was mortified but I said to the child "Yes I am very lucky" and then caught Mum's eye and we both laughed a lot. Kids don't judge like adults do..well not until they are taught to....to them big boobs and long noses are statement of fact and not intended to hurt or insult.

I really doubt you are ugly. If you’re kind, I never see what people look like. Kindness overrides everything.

hugs. Its hurts. I get down about not being attractive. Get cross at that Luck of the draw , my sister got all the looks. Kids can be brutal but without malice. Hugs

The vast majority have some attribute that's not so attractive, particularly as we get older. Too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, grey, haggered, whatever...

It's pretty normal for a child to just say something in all innocence, but related to that attribute. Yes, it can hurt, probably more than many realise, but there's nothing you can do about that is said, only about how you react and deal with it.

I am pretty sure many small children will ask 'why does that person only have one arm?', or 'why is that person in a wheelchair?', and if that is a really sensitive topic, it's going to upset you. But you are not your nose, you are not your wheelchair, you are not your complexion...

You're always a hell of a lot more than a physical attribute. Always. If you can, try to embrace that, rather than fear criticism of a relatively minor attribute.

Thanks all. Some very kind comments. But unfortunately, looks wise, I have always been a very unattractive lady. I just hate the thought of the girl going home to her beautiful mum who is in her thirties with dark hair, blue eyes and an amazing figure. I bet she thinks 'Christ. I am so lucky I don't look like Mia.'
Thanks for the kindness. Mumsnet can be very supportive at times and I appreciate that.

Oh gosh, a 6 year old will adore someone dressed as a unicorn, with a funny outfit or offering them chocolate.

I guarantee you a 6 year old doesn't care about eye colour and perfect figure! Look at the kids favourite teachers, it might have something to do with appearance (in style), not their body and face.

I know it's not PC to say this anymore, but if you lived your whole life not liking the way you look, and you don't think you can make peace with it, why not change things?

I'm not talking about getting plastic surgery tomorrow, but just think about what you CAN change at a level of risk, finances, effort etc which is acceptable to you. Even if it's small changes it might give you the self confidence you need to ignore comments about things you cant or dont want to change.

I wear a brown paper bag over my head.
I've been picked up lots of times in supermarkets!

When I was six, there was a lovely little girl in my class. Everybody liked her. She was small for her age, and we all babied her to some extent, helping her when she needed it, using her as the baby when we played mummies and daddies. She was very popular. But we called her "Monkey Face" None of us realised then that she was Asian. None of us were being nasty to her. We thought it was something nice, since we all loved monkeys, and she didn't seem to mind, she answered to it. Now I look back in horror and wonder why the teacher didn't intervene and explain to us. Children tend to be matter of fact about these things. I'm so sorry you are upset, @MiaMarshmallows

@MiaMarshmallows totally get that feeling. I’m always z list in looks terms, never anywhere near the second or third row even!!

But think about amazing people you admire and all the inspiring people who’ve done amazing acts of selfless bravery. They didn’t do that by being stunning. Looks are important in this world and yes I would love to be pretty or even half way there, BUT I’m valuable as me and I bet you are too

I don’t blame you for feeling upset. I would too.
We’re all hugely judged on our looks, we all know that. But beautiful people didn’t actually do anything to deserve their looks and nor did you. Keep your sense of humour firmly intact. People who see you every day stopped seeing your outside long ago. Your looks are really only ever judged by new people, like this little girl.

[quote BearOfEasttown]@MiaMarshmallows

Oh shit that's awful, and I'm sorry, 'little girl' or not, that is rude. I have 2 kids (now in their 20s,) and they have NEVER said anything like this. Saying rude, personal comments about someone's appearance to their face is just not on to be honest. (Not great behind their back either...) And NO, it's not 'acceptable' because it's a child. It's NOT OK for even a little girl to say stuff like this. She is clearly being brought up badly.

ALSO I doubt you are very unattractive!

I am so sorry for you, you must feel shitty. I have had people say stuff to me in the past, but it's always been about my weight 'oooh BEAR, you have put some weight on!' And it's always a fucking woman who says it. My age or older. It's never a much younger one.

I am currently an OK weight, maybe 1 and a half stone overweight, and these same women never say 'you lost weight.' [/quote]
Really a child’s badly brought up because she comments on something obvious? Yes it needs to be corrected but for gods sake that’s what kids do!

Aw OP :( hope you're okay.

Sorry OP :( That kind of thing sucks so much. I think when you have a feature you really dislike, you spend time telling yourself it doesnt matter, isnt a thing etc etc, then when you hear a comment it's like oh right so it is noticeable. It sucks!

I was always sensitive about my weight and it wasn't helped when my niece would ask if I was pregnant.
Another child at nursery where I worked said my accent was so so weird and strange. The thing was I was born and lived in the same area as them.
OP we're always more critical of ourselves than others are. You obviously have a lot going for you or your friends and family wouldn't want to spend time with you

Best thing iv done is watch Ru Paul's drag race. Some of those people look amazing

Know how you feel a kid whose a frien ds stepson said youre fat arent you-i just said yes i am and if you dont stop eating you will be too

Doesnt stop it hurting though

Mine once asked if I met Henry VIII. And have also had a drawing of my fat belly (it was fat because I pushed you out of it, ungrateful little sod).

They don't mean these things negatively, they just see the world with fresh eyes and enquire and remark on things constantly. I'm sure you are beautiful OP, in every sense.

If it makes you feel any better, my nose looks like Alan Rickman's. On a 5'' female...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4280581-My-unconventional-beauty-twin?watched=1

Get yourself on here op. I'm collecting some unconventional beauties. These ladies are beautiful because of their 'flaws'.

I'm sure you don't look as bad as you think you do... I love a strong nose, the Roman coin look...
people have told me I look like mr bean, I look like a rat/mouse, LOADS OF PEOPLE have called me ugly but the worst was a "psychic" I met in a pub beer garden, he couldn't do a cold-reading on me (I don't give much away) but he asked me when I'd had my stroke 😑 I've got a lopsided face which I sometimes imagine having corrected with filler but, honestly, I'm scared of the puffy look when it goes wrong. Also, I'm in denial of how ugly I am, sometimes I feel shit hot. Not sure what you can take away from this but at least no one thinks you've had a stroke, I just thank god I've never actually had one and I hope I never will.

I expect you are your harshest critic, OP. Many of us are. To others you look just fine. Please be kinder to yourself

Thank you.
To the poster who said I could consider surgery, I have thought about it a lot but I know I would never stop.

1. Boob job for the flat chest
2. Nose job
3. Lip fillers for my very thin lips
4. Tummy tuck.

Would take too long to change it all as well as the expense.

I'm at the dgaf about my lack of attractiveness stage and it's great. I now barely notice the comments and stares. Occaisionally I will react. There was a woman yesterday who noticeably looked me up and down with a sneer, making my neighbour comment afterwards. I have mastered the raised single (unplucked) eyebrow and frank stare in return which seems to ruffle the feathers of the judgy ones - or maybe my ugliness just upsets their sense of order? I suppose they like to think no one can possibly tell the nasty little thoughts in their heads and certainly suppose I must be completely deaf, not just hard of hearing.

Most people though are going to notice other features about you and are not going to judge you on your looks. To be frank, the ones only interested in looks are going to be crappy to know right? People are complicated, so many parts of a person make them attractive, interesting and good to know. It's not looks. I'm sure you're not shallow enough to judge your friends on one thing alone, so don't do it to yourself.

Yanbu OP. Many kids have no filter but when they say something you know is true then it cuts deep. I'm average height but if a kid called me short it wouldn't bother me because I know I'm not. If same kid commented on my teeth it would play on my insecurities and I'd get upset because I KNOW my teeth aren't nice. (I have a gap between my top two front teeth and they aren't perfectly white or straight either). Once DH's nephew asked if I eat too much sweets and that's why my teeth are ugly. I admit I had a little cry afterward. I spoke to my dentist about braces and he strongly discouraged me and said I suited the gap in my teeth and so many cultures consider it positive and a sign of beauty and luck. I decided against braces because my teeth are me. I'm still insecure AF but I know I will learn to love myself.