To be upset at this little girls comment?

[MiaMarshmallows]

Met up with a friend last night and she bought along her 6 year old granddaughter. My grandkids were also there so we went to the park. One of them asked my GD 'Why does your nan have such a long nose?' It wasn't meant for my ears but it really upset me.
I am physically very unattractive but aibu for me to get down about it from time to time especially when comments get made. I know she is only a child but throughout my life I have had comments on my nose, flat chest, needing a makeover etc. I shouldn't care at my age. But it hurts.

Oh OP...it's hard, but please don't take a comment from a 6 year old to heart ❤️

I teach Year 2 (so 6 and 7 year olds). On meeting my current class for the first time last year, we did a 'Get To Know Your Teacher' session, where I told them things about myself, showed pictures of my cat etc. Then they could ask questions.

It was all going quite well until one little lovely asked, "Have you always been fat?"

😱🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

My child told me I had teeth like a horsey and am fat but it's nice. Cheers then.

There's nothing more beautiful than a kind heart. Beauty is only skin deep Op. Real beauty comes from within. But a long nose certainty doesn't detract from being attractive.

Comments about weight, facial features, teeth etc are just factual. Kids use the word 'fat' as a description. It's not loaded with shame and value judgements.
If you're upset by being called fat it's because of the decades of media and social "training" you have had to see this as a bad thing. Totally understandable but you can free yourself from this way of thinking by seeing it for the bullshit it is. It's good for the children that they see real people, real bodies who are OK with who they are - they aren't seeing people like this in the media which is why they comment.

@MiaMarshmallows

I just hate being so ugly. Feel jealous of even average looking women.

This, I have learned, is one of the main differences between women and men. Women look in a mirror, pick out their worst features, and magnify them to the point that they can see nothing good.

Men look in the mirror, find ONE good feature, and magnify it to the point that they are convinced that they are God's gift to women.

I'm betting that you are not ugly. I'm betting that you have 1-2 less-than-perfect features, and that they are ALL you see. It comes of women being valued for their beauty. Of course, men tend to be valued for their earning capacity, and that's not quite fair, either. Although it does give them an extra couple of decades before they depreciate.

She's just a child and it's not the comment that should concern you, much more your own self esteem. You need to embrace the person you are and love at least some of you. We all have hangups over our looks but if you keep telling yourself you're unattractive, you'll actually transmit that to others. Don't sit back and wallow, if you're genuinely unhappy, what's wrong with getting a makeover? You never know, you might just enjoy it. And doing something whether it's physical or emotional might just get you out of the doldrums.

Oh he is definitely handsome x

YANBU to feel self conscious about the comment but I suspect YABU with you're self appraisal on your appearance. I bet you're friends and family don't see you in the way you see yourself.

I once had a child ask ask me "do you also have chicken pox". I have adult acne

Be kind to yourself

OP you think you're ugly but I doubt you are. There are impossible posts of beautiful women who aren't as pretty as their photo shopped photos . It's clever makeup and angles, nor real beauty which is made up of who you are inside, a generous soul and confidence. Sara Jessica Parker has a large nose as do may celebrities. Meh, it's your face and I hope you learn to love it.

Children can be cruel and shallow, they don't mean to be . (I've been on steroids for serious lung condition and have a moon face and fat belly now, yikes. But I'm alive and cuddly! And don't recognise the fat version of me when I look in the mirror. Meh... )

Please take the out pouring of love from MNers !!

And realise that kindness and humour are equally attractive qualities. Some of my most attractive friends who get the most attention aren't classically "beautiful" they just exude confidence in theirselves.

You’re not unreasonable to be hurt but I doubt the child meant to upset you, they just don’t think.
Yesterday I picked my 4yo DS up from nursery and he said “me and daddy are thin. You are fat mommy”. Cheers mate

I'm flat chested too but love my M&S padded bra. I bet you have beautiful eyes or gorgeous hair, make the most of what you have and sod the rest

Even the painful comments are something I feel kids should forgiven for in their pure innocence. DH and his mother both have big noses. DH has no bum, his mother and I have big bums. None of us are magazine covers. We all have things we agree on and disagree on. We are who we are and we love each other regardless. I come from a family who I would never again have anything to do with so it's not a "family is everything" thing. It's a "know your worth" thing. My bum, hi nose, SFILs minimal teeth don't make us, our hearts do.

So if you have a good heart, the ONLY thing you need to change is getting a thicker skin.

I have been asked since I was 14 if I was pregnant but never was (til I was at 30) I have one protruding tooth at the very front and have lost count of the amount of kids that have asked about it. My answer always changes but my shamelessness about it won't. I'm me 🤡

How have you survived your life this far? 🤣

I know exactly how you feel. I’ve had this from my teens. Siblings called me names, my hubby still calls me big nose etc. I try and ignore it, laugh it off but deep down it really hurts. Makes me feel like I’m really ugly. Hate photos from side views. Seen people taking the mick about my nose. But what can you do. I’ve just grown to live with it now.

@csigeek

You’re not unreasonable to be hurt but I doubt the child meant to upset you, they just don’t think. Yesterday I picked my 4yo DS up from nursery and he said “me and daddy are thin. You are fat mommy”. Cheers mate

DCs can be So casually cruel!

I'll swap your nose for mine any day op! Huge, bulbous, cavernous pores and two hairy moles one of which is right at the tip. And my nose is not my worst feature either! I make the gruffalo look attractive 🤣

As others have said love yourself and you'll instantly become more attractive.

She might have meant compared to a small child's nose. Sounds daft but my niece said my friends nose was big and she didn't mean it in a bad way. I told her she shouldn't have said it as it's hurtful and she said she meant compared to her and her classmates noses, little kids size noses. My friends nose is bigger than mine but, unlike me, she is a beauty with lots of men after her. I remember saying all adults past about age 14 were 'fat' I meant fully grown size, not what an adult would mean by 'fat'. Kids are not always good judges of beauty, when I was a kid my brother had a nude poster of Marilyn Monroe in his room and I thought she was ugly! I like her now. My niece says Audrey Hepburn is ugly in 'My Fair Lady'! I couldn't believe it! X

My nephew snuggled up to me once and said ' You're not fat just very cuddly!'
My son said ' what are those holes in your face?' My pores!

My five year old grand daughter, over the space of three weeks has:
Told me I have black bits in my teeth and they frighten her ( fillings)
Asked me if I am growing a beard like grandad ( I had two stray whiskers I hadn't tweezered)
Giggled uproarious when I said I would go trampolining with her. Real tears, she laughed so much. Little bugger!

And many, many more.

Let it wash over you - kid are simply factual, they don't get the emotional side of things. Your nose will not be the horror you think it is - we all accentuate our faults.
I used to be pretty when young.i now have lumps and bumps, wrinkles and whiskers. I don't like it, but I do love my life much more now than I did was I was a slim and smooth faced siren 😉

I was once called the girl with the puddin face. I was also told as a child I was fat with a long nose. Now I make the best of my self by staying fit and eating healthy when I can. I also wear the clothes that suit me not particularly following fashion and I feel good 👍

Please be kind to yourself Mia. I’m sure you have a fine nose. And it does the job it was made for! The young person was observing rather than criticising.
I was so harsh on myself as to how I looked when younger. Now I look at pix from then and think, wow I looked good! Society gives women so many hang ups on how we are supposed to look. But the soul within is the most important asset.

It does bloody hurt whoever it comes from, yes kids dont have a filter but at the same time if you raise them from the start that you don't pass comments then they don't.

Ive been called fat by kids (size 14) freak, weirdo, ugly. My son has even been teased because I have a stress induced skin condition and when he was at primary I had it all over my face, its extremely painful, weeps, bleeds, cracks, burns and looks like acid burns melting my face, I hate leaving the house looking like it but I have to suck it up and get on with it. But when I heard a kid say to my son 'your mum's face is disgusting she should cover it up or stay home' I was like a knife to the heart! So I totally get where you are coming from. It hurts no matter who says it.

I feel so sad for you, OP. I can't think of the last time I encountered a truly physically 'ugly' person, so I sincerely doubt you are. But I myself am very, very plain and have had that fact commented upon by a number of people, adults and children alike and it's obviously not a great feeling. And I suspect the fact that I've become inured to it is even worse! Chin up.

miamarshmallows, many of us are in - if not the same boat - then a similar one.
I was, I’d say, possibly slightly above averagely (only slightly) attractive in my twenties, but it’s all gone now and I’m still only 47.
The other day, someone guessed my age and put me at 52. I was absolutely gutted and I still am. It upset me greatly but I know I’m not ageing well.
I’d say we are all conscious of our looks, or lack of them, all the time. And ageing is a thing we think about constantly because of how society operates. You really aren’t alone in disliking how you look.
On a practical note, a flattering haircut that ‘fits’ a face can make an absolutely enormous difference.

There is a nice thing by Ronald Dahl about ugliness and how, if you are a decent person, you can’t ever be ugly. You might be plain as many of us are, but not ugly.