To be upset at this little girls comment?

[MiaMarshmallows]

Met up with a friend last night and she bought along her 6 year old granddaughter. My grandkids were also there so we went to the park. One of them asked my GD 'Why does your nan have such a long nose?' It wasn't meant for my ears but it really upset me.
I am physically very unattractive but aibu for me to get down about it from time to time especially when comments get made. I know she is only a child but throughout my life I have had comments on my nose, flat chest, needing a makeover etc. I shouldn't care at my age. But it hurts.

@Rrrrrrrrr

Kids have no filter but you don’t have to suck it up. If you really want to get your point across that personal comments can be hurtful you can comment back.

For example to a child with buck teeth you say yes it is true to say I have a big nose and It’s also true to say your teeth stick out. No one is perfect so it’s not kind to make personal comments.

(Running away to hide now)

one of my DC has made repeated reference to my sticky-out front tooth. I know it's a unattractive but really don't need this highlighting.

On the nose thing: big is beautiful. Diana Spencer, Barbra Streisand, Angelica Huston , Gisele Bunchen...

My husband and his siblings all have large noses, inherited from their dad's side of the family. They are an exceptionally good looking family. Having a big nose doesn't make them unattractive at all.

Are you upset because you don't like the way you look, or because the child pointed it out?

The child was young. She is still learning how we speak to and about people. I think YABU to be hurt by her.

I'm sorry you've had to deal with comments on your appearance so much, though. And presumably not always by small children. The only thing you can do about it is to work hard on valuing yourself rightly, by all the good things about who you are and what you have done, not by something as irrelevant as how you can look. It may still sting in the moment, but you can prevent it hurting deeply.

A long nose doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful ❤️ Everyone is beautiful

@MiaMarshmallows

I just hate being so ugly. Feel jealous of even average looking women.

Bless you, I'm sure you're not ugly at all. I don't mean to sound trite but every face has beauty.

It is hurtful, but they’re only young and it’s not said to deliberately hurt you.
I guarantee ‘average looking’ people and exceptionally good looking people will be insecure / unhappy about their appearance too in some way.

I'm really sorry that you are struggling with this. I'm also struggling with my appearance at the moment and it's a tricky thing to get round. Take care there.

I absolutely love a big nose on men and women. They give character. I constantly have this argument with my sister who hates her nose and wants nosejob. She is stunningly beautiful and everyone but her can see it.

I don't need to see a photo of you to tell you that you are not ugly. I know because you are utterly beautiful to anyone who loves you such as your children.

I know the comment can hurt though. My little niece cheerfully referred to me as fat when I was in my early twenties. I didn't consider myself fat. Her dad took her outside and explained those remarks are hurtful. Your friend should have done this.

Oh and I have a big nose too, a teacher once told me he knew immediately who my brothers were because we all had the same big noses!

Children have no filter for sure.
My mum had dentures and when children would ask where her teeth were, she'd say the tooth fairy took them or something to make them laugh.

If you have the funds, treat yourself to a new nose. I had my eyes and neck done and feel much better without the turkey neck and basset hound eyes.

You are not ugly, but your self esteem has hit rock bottom. None of us can change the things we don't like about ourselves( realistically speaking), but you can work with what you've got. Can you give yourself a mini make over, a few treats to make you feel better? Remember that to your family and friends you are beautiful. Inside and out.
Please be kinder to yourself. You wouldn't call anyone else ugly, so don't say it to yourself.

I get it op. I am an absolute plain Jane and it still sometimes stings. But let’s be honest, if someone asked what would you want in a good friend looks would never be on the list for me. I’m sure you are a lovely granny and that’s way more important than all this stuff

I bet you are not ugly, seriously! I don't think I've even met anyone I'd consider ugly.
I don't like my nose either, so I get it. Mine is too small. I'd love a nice strong straight nose. Then again, maybe it wouldn't fit my face. Long nose is not necessarily an insult. Some people really do suit long noses.
And I'd personally be jealous of a small bust. We always want what we don't have! I'd love straight hair, too, please!

Please find something you like about yourself, even if it's not conventional. It's not healthy to hate everything about yourself. :) I bet there is something you must like - strong arms, nice nails, nice hair, legs? bum? cheekbones? eyes?

It's probably not as big or as long as you think it is. If it really affects you though you could save up for a nose job?

Children just don’t have any filter. I remember when I was 5 asking my Grandmother who was only in her 60s, “Granny, are you 100 yet?”, my reason being that my Mum was reading me ‘The Princess & The Goblin’ and there’s a character in the book who is the heroine’s Great Great Grandmother who is a beautiful lady with long, long white hair and who is 100 years old. I was so enamoured by this wonderful character, I very much wanted a Grandmother who was 100, hence my question, but my poor Grandmother was probably mortified at the time.

I would try not to let an innocent small child's observations upset you tbh. My 3 yr old said my hair was "disgusting" the other day whilst she gently played with it .

Children hone in on really specific things in a way that adults don't seem to for some reason - my niece asked if I was a witch because I had a really tiny mole on my neck. I said yes I was, obviously. When my cousin was little he asked an uncle why his "head was on upside down?" Uncle had a bald head and a full beard, and my cousin just could not understand why this was the case :-D

The question was why, so the cheerful answer needs to be, "Noses come in different sizes and I was just lucky!" or, "A long nose is all the better for sniffing the beautiful flowers!"

I bet your grandchildren think you're beautiful - and they're right!

I am sorry that happened to you. I hope you can feel better soon.

Just be thankful you don't have 2 of them living with you and regularly pointing out your every flaw! Mine have asked if I'm pregnant (no!), why there is hair growing out of my chin, why are there children at their (primary) school taller than me etc etc. They also told me I looked awful on an occasion that I straightened my hair. Aren't kids great!

The child wasnt trying to be unkind, they just made a comment, like children do and I understand its hurtful but as someone said big noses dont equal ugly, I also like big noses :)

I did hear something awful the other day from an adult about a baby with a large birthmark on its face. The baby was happy and totally unware with its mum having a lovely cuddle when I overhead a man say how disgusting he thought it was and that she should take it off the babys face.

I don't think the comment from the child was about you being 'ugly', it sounds more like the child was interested in people's differences.

When I was 6 we flew across the world to see my Grandmother for the first time. When the door was opened to us I turned to my mother and said, "Why does Grandma have a beard?" which earned me a good hard slap from my mother - rather unfairly I still feel!
It wasn't that I thought she was ugly, it was just something different I hadn't seen before.

Don't' let it worry you

You seem to have internalised a lot of the horrible judgment that is passed upon women constantly in our society, OP. This absurd idea that a woman can only be considered attractive if she has symmetrical features, huge bust, face caked in makeup etc to hide the flaws.

It makes me sad when women get upset by this, because imo they should get angry. Who sets these standards? We aren't dolls churned out by machines, we are all uniquely created from complex intersections of genetics and if people can't accept that our faces and bodies have infinite variations they should just be told to fuck off (not the little girl I mean - anyone old enough to know better). Honestly it's one of the reasons why women don't achieve as much as they should - the constant sniping about how they look undermines them, especially if they have a public role.

Unforgivable from adults. Painful but acceptable from children.

That man's parents never taught him that it's very rude to comment on another person's appearance. How unfortunate for him to have been so badly brought up!