Apologies in advance as this might be a bit of a long one.
My DDad passed away 10 years ago, and we scattered his ashes in his favourite holiday place. It's a long way from where we live and you can't just go for a day, and every time I see my Mum we always talk about how lovely it would be to go on a holiday there with the whole family (I have 2x siblings).
We were all in DM's garden a couple of weeks ago and she said that they (my mum and siblings and their partners) were planning to go on holiday there next May, and asked me and DH if we wanted to go, and we said yes we'd love to. I was really happy about it because I would love to do a family holiday again, the last time we did one was when we went to scatter the ashes in the first place.
We chatted about it for about 20 minutes and then DM said that her friend Diane and her family were going too. This is a problem to us because DH won't spend any time with Diane at all. She has been really horrible to my Mum over the years and they've had some nasty falling outs which have devsatated my Mum. They used to be really close and go to this place on holiday together every year, my siblings are the same age as her children and DDad was close with her DH. After the most recent falling out they have got back to being friends but haven't been on holiday together since, not since DDad died. DH really hates her and so he doesn't want us to go on this holiday now. I don't like her either but I am of the opinion that it's up to my Mum who she is friends with, but I wouldn't want to go either with Diane going as it would make an awkward situation for everyone.
But the thing is, I'm really upset about it. DH won't go there another time just us as he's not that fussed about the place itself. I feel an attachment to it because it's somewhere my Dad loved and I have happy memories of being there with him and I would have loved for us all to go back to mark the ten years since we were there last. I'm hurt that they've planned a holiday together, that they know excludes me, when me and my Mum literally talk about it all the time about how much we would love to all go there together again. I also feel a bit used in a way as my Mum generally doesn't have anyone to go on holiday with since DDad died, so we have taken and paid for her to go away with us, and we are taking her with us on holiday at Christmas (Covid allowing of course).
AIBU to be upset by this, and if so how should I handle it? I don't know if I should tell them I'm upset or if I just need to get over it. I can be a bit of a doormat about things sometimes and hate the idea of making people upset, or people changing their plans to accomodate me but it's been really bothering me and I can't seem to let go of it.
AIBU?
AIBU to be upset about holiday?
AnyaDoesntLikeBunnies · 25/06/2021 11:00
Am I being unreasonable?
293 votes. Final results.
POLLSo I think your mum has been a bit of a dick here.
Why does Diane get to come on a family holiday????
I perhaps understand more as my own mother is very kind and people pleasing and attracts a variety of abusive users - she facilitates them massively and somehow only finds her anger for me when I object to whatever the awful users latest scummy behaviour is. 
We have our own "Diane" and my ultra mild mannered DH barely suffers her and in private is rather vocal. So I can relate.
Talk to your mum alone, explain how important it is to you and you'd love core family only so you can remember your dad fondly. You respect your mum's choice to be friends with Diane but she must understand it is hard for you as Diane caused so much pain around the time of your father's death so it's not ideal to have her there when you go to remember your dad. Basically it will be uncomfortable and sad for you.
She can go someplace else with Diane another week or go to the same place next year. Would that work?
If she wont consider it ask her why she cares more about facilitating Diane rather than her own child?
That said if she reallt wont move on it. I'd go without my DP.
Fuck Diane don't let her rob you, she's taken enough.
Fun facts
My mum once gave our Diane my main christmas present as she made a cats bum face about everything else my mum thoughtfully bought for her. She initially liked the expensive perfume gift set my mum bought for me and panic-gifted Diane. Diane then later on changed her mind and gave my perfume to the cleaner....
I eventually refused to spend Christmas with Diane so my mum spent a few Christmas' cooking for Diane and I spent it alone as "it would be awful for Diane to be left alone at christmas" 
I am currently helping my mother cater an elaborate milestone birthday for FUCKING Diane where we will be serving actual guests... so my advice is probably worth shit.
OP,
I can understand your upset and disappointment.
Neither of you want to be in Diane's company and dispite conversations about visiting the place as a family many times your mother has suited herself and invited Diane.
Actions, not words.
Diane is your mother's priority in this, not you.
You have been invited but they clearly know that you won't go because of historical events.
You could go on your own but you aren't interested in the drinking holiday that your mother and Diane are planning.
I think you can definitely be very disappointed but your mothet is suiting herself.
Stop bringing the woman on holidays if it doesn't suit you.
Your mother is suiting herself, you do likewise.
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