3 Year Old going downstairs alone.

[blaisealex]

DS 3, for the past two mornings, has ventured downstairs alone when he wakes up.

I'm just wondering how old your DC were when they started going downstairs alone?

I'm not happy about it. We don't allow DS to use the stairs unsupervised nor be downstairs or upstairs by himself. But he's creeping downstairs first thing when he wakes up and we don't hear him. Prior to this he would come to our room and wake us up. He is no longer doing this.

I'm not sure what I can do to stop him? Of course, I can tell him not to but whether he listens or not is another matter. I can't set an alarm to wake before him because he doesn't wake at a set time. He could wake at any time. He can now open all the stair gates so those don't work anymore.

I should add, he is only just turned three. By a few weeks.

Am I being too protective or am I right that this is a definite no no?

I’m pretty sure ds1 went down on his own at that age.. I’d get woken up by him screeching “backpack” at Dora the Explorer (darn that bleeding monkey and his “say it louder”!) I think the worst he ever did was find a packet of chocolate digestives that I’d stashed in the fridge (cue him telling me earnestly that he hadn’t eaten any of them while liberally smeared with chocolate 😂😂).

What is he doing? Is he putting TV on? Take the remote to bed and tell him he has to get it from you.

Tell him he must come wake you up as chief alarm man lol Give him a mini hand bell? put bells on his door so they wake you when he opens the door?

@I8toys

Get up earlier?

What time do you suggest the OP gets up? OP has clearly said the child wakes at different times.

Definate no no from me. Re-usable tie wraps on the gates - he won't be able to open them.

you can get a pressure sensor with an alarm so when he gets up it will go off so you know he's up, they have them for demetia patients and was something I was looking at for my son as he's been sleep walking.

Put a pressure gate on the door rather than one that opens. Explain they need to stay in their room until... You could get a groclock for them. If you are uncomfortable about them not being able to leave, use a stairgate and explain they need to stay until a time or when you get them, unless it's an emergency. It's about setting boundaries and explaining about open and closed things. It's the safest option. You could also put a potty in their room.

Can you not just use a baby monitor so you hear him wake. We have a video monitor for our 2.5 year old still because the sound of her shuffling around will wake me up (or usually her chatting away to herself). A gro clock has worked well for her to so she can see how many stars are left until the sun comes up

Double stacking the stair gate or locking it seems more dangerous if he’s determined. You also need to think about ways to wake you up. I’d also check if he can open doors and remove keys. We had it once where our child (who normally always came into us actually jumped her cot, unlocked our french windows and went outside in just a nappy to play. We moved all of the keys after that.

Same child also went through a sleep walking phase. That was pretty scary tbh as a few times she’d just appear downstairs while we were watching tv so we had to reinstall the gate for a while until she stopped. Fortunately she only ever did it between about 9 or 10 so never had to worry about her doing it before we woke.

We had exactly the same issue with our 3yo… he could open the stairgate and we have quite steep stairs with quarry tiles at the bottom - a worrying combination even though he can navigate his way up and down the stairs (usually) safely now. We bought a child proof plastic ‘loop’ lock from Amazon for the stair gate. No key or code… just have to squeeze it in a certain way (with adult hands) to open it.

My son has SEN and likes to wander at night. I have camera, which sends an alert to my phone, that wakes me up when it detects him leaving his room. That might work alongside some of the other suggestions you have had.

-wildchild554
I came on to say this. They used them with my gran so if she moved out of bed the staff would know (to prevent a fall). I'm sure they'd be easy enough to buy.

It's totally different letting them use the stairs when you're awake and can keep an eye on them and then them creeping downstairs to get up to mischief when you're still asleep! I'd be worried about the oven. Mine is 3 and a half and he bloody loves the oven! I'd also be worried about the gas stove as he might try to whip up some scrambled eggs or something

I don't know what the answer is, if he can open and climb over the stairgates. Do you sleep with your door open so you might be able to hear him? We have a burglar alarm which you could use. It has sensors and you can set it to one floor only so if you had it set for the ground floor only, it wouldn't go off every time someone got up to use the bathroom etc in the night.

Could you use a camera in your bedroom that alerts you when mention is detected? We have one and you can select the area where the motion is and leave other areas on the screen to not alert you…. Does that make sense? You could have the area by the door marked so if he goes by the door you get a notification and can get him?

Could you get a movement mat/ Baby monitor like Angel care? Then if he gets out of bed, the alarm will go off and alert you?

Bolt on outside of bedroom door.

My sister put a stair gate on my nephews bedroom door with a window alarm on it (small battery operated thing) so it beeps when opened to wake you before he got to the stair gate on the stairs. He was a little Houdini as a toddler! He still wakes early now but at 10 is quite happy pottering about his room!

Just put an extra lock or tie on the stair gate at night.
You can get a motion sensor too quite cheaply.

Put black out blinds in his room to keep the sunlight out.

Has there been any consequence or cross word for doing this? I never thought I’d be one to say something like this - but am I really the only one who would quite clearly tell my DS (who is also three) he is not allowed to walk down on his own, never mind climb over the stair gate and expect him to take fucking notice of that rather than getting up earlier, hanging up bells and digging out the old baby monitors.

@Schooldilemma2345

3 is definitely old enough to use the stair unsupervised ffs! But then I never had stair gates- o think they’re dangerous precisely because kids don’t learn to use the stairs safely. Going downstairs unsupervised is another matter. I always co-slept with line so didn’t have this problem.

This is just absolute nonsense re stair gates

Hi op,
Personally I wouldn’t be worried about the stairs, as he is successfully negotiating them by himself. And if he tries to climb a higher gate that’s potentially much more dangerous.
It’s what he does while downstairs that’s more worrying to me. Access to all kinds of potential danger. I’d go with an alerting device. It could be anything from a simple bell on the gate, or his door handle, or a movement activated alarm that’s turned on when you go to bed.
Good luck with it.

@Rosesareyellow

Has there been any consequence or cross word for doing this? I never thought I’d be one to say something like this - but am I really the only one who would quite clearly tell my DS (who is also three) he is not allowed to walk down on his own, never mind climb over the stair gate and expect him to take fucking notice of that rather than getting up earlier, hanging up bells and digging out the old baby monitors.

No you aren’t the only one. My 3yo is pretty biddable too. But what would you do if, contrary to your expectation, your child tested the boundary and went downstairs and did something dangerous whilst you were sleeping? Would you not have thought of putting something in place to avoid it happening at all? They are 3yo, they have different degrees of impulse control, at this age it’s a mixture of making expectations and boundaries clear, and in some cases avoiding it reaching that point at all.

@Dustyhedge I'm currently looking at a taller stairgate for for my son for the sleep walking as he's autistic and concerned the loud noise will set him off but thought it might work for OP.

I’m actually a bit surprised but I’ve managed to be in the minority with both strictness and laxness here. My 3yo is expected to stay in his room till his (groclock) sun comes up. He has toys to play with and obviously can get us up if he needs help with the toilet but if he is a pain in the arse then he doesn’t get his favourite breakfast! He doesn’t tend to go downstairs on his own before we’re up (except on Christmas Day the little sod but that’s another story) but generally if he has any little friends over, they just run riot around the house!

I know someone who has put a sensor under a mat by the child’s bedroom door which rings a doorbell I. Their room so they hear when their child gets up as the same thing was happening. Like this Digiteck B7-HIDDEN PRESSURE ACTIVATED MAT ALARM CHIME ALERT/STAIR MAT FOR INTRUDER ALARM www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0045U4MNC/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_83DD72YDM1A4GPYJMX1Y?tag=mumsnetforu03-21